Now Is The Turning Point

my boyfriend is about to turn 42 ill be 25 in an other few months the age difference is substantial. he looks and acts young, and drinks to much, so do i, but that is an other story. we have been together for 3 years and now he wants to get married. were both college students, we met and both decided to go back to school. im living off my parents and he is working a ****** job to pay for school. none of which is a problem for me, the problem is i naturally dont want to get married when i am completely financially dependent on my parents. and the big problem is that he is taking one or 2 classes at a time and dosnt want to work in his old career witch he didn't like. the only reason that is a problem is i want babies. and i want them as soon as possible if im going to have them with him because i dont want him to die when the kid is 18 or whatever. ill be done with school and working in a good field in 3 years, he will have one year of school done in 3 years so ill have to put him through school, wich is fine by me but then in the best case were not having kids till he's 45, but it will be more like 47 when hes done with school. i wont make enough money in the first 2 or 3 years of my career to pay for his school, living expenses and daycare so we will have to wait. but if we do it when hes 45 he will be 63 when the kid is 18 and 67 when he finishes college, and i want to have 2 kids so add an other year or 2 on to that, 69 when the 2nd kid finishes college. and working that whole time to pay for college.

i was adopted and i thought about adopting an older kid, he dosnt want to go older then 5 or 6 and there really are not that many 5 or 6 year olds up for adoption because it takes a really long time to terminate parental rights. and his age will make adoption difficult, the state will likely just not give us kids because of his age. he doesnt want to foster at all. that leaves the normal way. the older the man gets the higher the risk for thinks like schizophrenia and autism as well as chromosome problems like down syndrome.

my main thing is he wants me to commit to marry him when i finish school in 3 years but he keeps coming up with excuses as to why he cant finish school faster. he is the king of excuses, see the drinking above.

im ok with being a widow for a long time, i figure ill just party it up at the old folks home and travel and have grand kids to visit.

that is all the negative stuff im thinking about because this problem is very acute the only problem i have is his age, if he were 10 or even 5 years younger this wouldn't be a problem because there would be time. im not even in a real hurry to have kids i just want them at some point in the future.

our relationship is great, hes kind and loving, we fight well and communicate excellently. he looks at least 10 years younger then he is and is defiantly the hot one of the 2 of us. were good together.

im not perfect and if i throw this one out because he is to old ill have to sacrifice something else in the next one and i dont want it to be personality, or looks.

i dont know what to do, i dont want to agree to move toward marriage with out really knowing thats what i want and take that time away from him that he could be using to find a woman who will marry him. but i feel like if im going to give him that he should agree to bust his *** and try to get through school at a near normal pace, maybe take summer school or more classes, i took summer school this summer why cant he?

ugh any way. i love a much older man. there are good and bad things about it.

sorry about not fixing the contractions and capitalization
katearoo katearoo
1 Response Aug 12, 2010

this relationship doesn't sound ideal. i know you love this man but if he's not on the same page as you and you really want kids you are wasting both of your time even being together. at 25 you are far too young to be deciding that if this one gets thrown out that you are also throwing out the bathwater.... immature thinking and it shows your age. i'm 34 and a solo mother and do you think i've given up hope yet? well, i almost have but my point still stands - i'm older than you and i'm still hoping for better days. trust me, you don't want to be in my position in 15 years or more after having kids with someone who truly doesn't want them. <br />
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another thing that boggles me is just why people believe the other parent of their children will automagickally stay with them for life! hello, look around you... how many of us are single, divorced, separated or just plain sole parents. stop banking your life on what ifs and start living in it. i mean it, you won't find your pot of gold at the end of someone else's rainbow... this guy, not worth it unless you're cool with it just for now and not looking towards a future.