Obsessed

One Saturday, late afternoon. I was seated next to this manipulative man, 21 years my senior behind his desk as he explained in great detail what needs to be done. He was actually drafting the form himself. It wasn't that complicated, and once I understood what he wanted, I inconspicuously watched him while he talked and designed the form, his eyes glued on the paper.

My heart expanded with love and affection as I took in his appearance: his hair, his forehead, those beautiful eyes shadowed with long lashes. His strong arms and chest, the color of his skin...his long fingers and his ring.

I watched the silver pen in his hand (and realized it was new), and the stroke of his pen on the paper, his bad handwriting that was so familiar to me – the large curl of his S’s, and his E’s that looked like C’s…and I loved him even more. And I wanted to lay my head against his chest, against his shoulder …

And just sitting there right next to him caused this bubbling joy to rise to my chest and fill my lungs and my heart…and I felt like laughing. The feeling was so incredible that I had to purse my lips to keep from giggling.

Then he paused and turned to look at me - his eyes smiling, and his lips were twitching as if he himself was stifling a chuckle. I was caught off guard. I was caught in the midst of my bubbling joy so that containing my giggles became even more difficult. And so I pursed my lips harder, and my face crinkled with laughter.

He wasn't taking his eyes off me, and overcome with shyness and self-consciousness, I turned my face away, picked up the papers in front of me and pretended to study them.

But I could sense that he was still watching me quietly (his whole body was now turned to me). Then he reached out to touch my hair, and I held my breath. Then he gently plucked out something.

I was floored. But I shouldn't be. I shouldn't show him how much that affected me, so I pretended not to notice what he had just did, and instead, asked him a stream of questions regarding the form, abruptly cutting that small, intimate moment.

And I wondered what embarrassing stuff did he find in my hair.
lonelygarland lonelygarland
22-25, F
May 1, 2007