I'm Waiting For HimI love this guy. I met him two-and-a-half years ago online, when he was 13.5 and I was 18.5. The online forums we met on are dedicated to a book series that is immensely meaningful to both of us, and has changed our lives--so, right there, we already had something in common.
Over the course of just a few months, we got to know each other so well, and we became best friends. We've had our ups and our downs, and we have yet to meet in person, but we're still us. Still buddies.
A few months ago, I started feeling really strange whenever we chatted online, and I got depressed whenever he had to leave. It took me a while to figure out what was going on. But I've been in love before. I just had never anticipated falling for this guy. I mean, I haven't been surprised in the least, really. He's amazing. But I used to have secret plans to have him marry my younger sister (they're about the same age), and I joked about adopting him a couple of times. He was like my brother, and yet here I am.
I thought maybe it was just a crush, at first, but I'm closing in on 6 months of this and nothing's changed. During that time I reconnected with an old ex of mine, who was a dear friend before we broke up and stopped talking, and even though I felt a little bud of attraction start growing in me over the ex, it's gone and I still can't picture anyone but my younger best friend in my future.
He knows how I feel. I couldn't keep it from him for very long, once I realized it wasn't just going to go away. I tried to get over him, for a while, but I honestly don't have the motivation to do that. He means too much to me.
Right now, he doesn't really feel the same way about me. Honestly, girls aren't on his radar at all except for as differently-built human beings. He's just not interested in relationships.
I know that right now, when he's 16 and I'm 21 in a month, 5 years is a big age gap. As mature as he is, he still has growing up to do and things to figure out about himself, and life, and what he wants.
So, I decided to wait for him. We're both determined to always be friends, even when it's not easy, so I have hope that, should he ever change his mind about females, I will have a fighting chance. If for no other reason than that we've already been friends for a while and we've already fought our share of battles in order to remain that way.
I have to admit, it's scary, though. I love him so much, and I've never felt this much patience for anything before. But this feels right, and worth the wait. But what happens if I wait, for years, and nothing comes of it? I'm not sitting idly by and doing nothing, but what if I pass up opportunities because I'm determined to have him, and I never get him? What if I spend so long waiting for what I want that I miss the good things right in front of me?
Still, I have my faith, my hope, and my love. If it's truly as right as it feels to me, then it will happen.