My Heart Is Imprisoned

I stumbled upon this site and found that I'm not alone at all. Thank you for sharing your story 'cos I can't help feeling guilty about mine. I don't know if I'm in love with this younger man but I definitely have special feelings for him. He's 10 years younger than me and a student of mine in a language class. I'm 37 and he's 27, an adult of course. I was married and have 2 children but divorced 2 years ago. Somehow my ex and I got back together to raise the kids and haven't remarried since then. I didn't have any special feelings for this guy at first but later on I started to care more about him because he's such a smart and hardworking student. I bet he got more and more interested in me as he constantly asked questions about my weekend plans and wanted to join me in some activities I was doing. We started to spend time together and until now, we have seen each other almost everyday, both inside class and outside class. He wanted me to give him extra classes and we often meet in a cafe for the lessons but most of the time we just chat about our life or go eating somewhere. Also, we message a lot of facebook, like 3 or 4 times a week, after our very long meetings that usually last from 3 to 4 hours. It seems we have so many things in common and a lot to talk about. When he's beside me, he acts very naturally and is always lots of fun to be with. He often says he wants our relationship to be stronger. I told him he could be my younger brother and he started to call me sis every time we talk.Our meetings are always something for us to look forward to. He told me so and I feel the same. I'm excited like a teenage girl going to her first date, every time we meet. And I started dreaming about him.We are getting closer every day and of course I'm afraid. Love has died between me and my ex but we have agreed to live together to raise the kids. My young man doesn't know he thinks I'm still married and I have no intention to tell him because I'm not so sure about his feeling for me.He says he enjoys being with me so much because I always make him feel good, I listen to him and lessen his worries. He's going to another city to work in 1 month and he says he will return here to see me and ask me to go there to see him. (It's a city nearby and transportation is very convenient, I often go on business trips there too.)One more thing, I look very young for my age. My other students say I look very young, like a 24 or 25 year-old woman due to my bone structure and my skin, also my style and the way I dress. We don't look very different in appearance. He looks quite mature for his age. He always makes comments about my young look.Sorry for babbling too much here. But right now I'm very confused. I don't know if I should step back and keep this sister-brother relationship which is quite wonderful or move on because legally I'm a single woman. I know he has special feelings for me too because although he's a very sociable and fun-loving man, he's willing to cancel his appointments to meet me just to sit in one place and talk and also messages me almost everyday though we meet like 6 times a week. He's not the type of man that will do things he doesn't want to do. My feeling for him is getting stronger day by day. I bet he knows it too since I can see it on my own face. I can see my eyes shine when talking to him. I can see the same spark when I look into his eyes; it's just that there are so many barriers between us, or we think so.I can't say I'm in love with him, but I'm really into him. And I think he's into me, too. Love is a big word but we talk about family love, the kind of love that we agreed on at the beginning, I know it's just a stupid excuse.I'm not asking for advice here, just want to share my story. I know there're no 2 cases that are the same. I just hope to get some sympathy from those who have the same story and also hope I can find a way out of this maze. I don't want to lose him. He's wonderful despite his silly actions and terrible habits sometimes. I know all about it, but after all, his virtues outdo all the bad characteristics. He's handsome, intelligent, ambitious, hardworking, manly, funny, caring, sweet, crazy, naughty. He has everything that a woman desires. Other girls in my class like him but he doesn't care for them. He told me he thinks they are lazy and stupid and only want designer bags. And I guess I'm different to him. I don't dream of a happy-ever-after with him. I just want to be with him, either by his side or on his mind. Thanks for your patience.
CarolineHJ CarolineHJ
36-40
Dec 15, 2012