Can't Handle the Pain Anymore

I met my lover whom we will call heartbreaker. I just left his place and to my surprise i kicked a chair across the room and yelled out loud that i was a very stupid person. This was not me. I have never showed anger and frusteration like this. Calling myself stupid was to let him know that i am stupid to be with him. He has been an alcoholic for 14 years. I met him a year ago and have fallen in love with him. Except when he drinks he becomes so cold hearted and uncaring. I started going to an alcoholic councellor to learn more about this desease. I was shocked i never realized what i was getting myself into. Everything that came out of that councellors mouth was true. The excuses, the lies, the denial, and yet after he told me that my lover would bring me down with him. I still chose to stay. I am very sensitive girl, i love this man with all my heart when he tells me its over because all i do is nag him and try to change him i go into a deep depression, and i get sick to my stomach and i miss work the stress kills me.  Then the next day when he is sober he is a totally different man. apologizing, the hugging and kissing. It seems like he gets pleasure seeing me in pain??? I dont know. But he always makes me feel like i am the guilty one. Like i did something wrong and he is perfect. Friends tell me to leave him that i deserve better. Its not that easy. He wants me to move in with him.  I will not. Im so hurt and dont know how to continue on with life with out him. How do you put those feelings aside. This is really affecting me. For now i will try my best to ignore him. He may show up at my door 2mor with more false promises. I dont want to leave him and see him with a new girl that woud devastate me...

fearfull fearfull
36-40
3 Responses Mar 14, 2009

my story is a lot like this.<br />
i'm 17 & have been w/ someone for a year. he is so caring and sweet. but he drinks all the time. when i ask him to cut back, he gets defensive and claims that i am trying to change him. he drinks uncontrollably...sometimes he stays at home and drinks, sometimes he gets mean, sometimes he drives off. i've caught myself crying & yelling that i am a stupid person...i show him how weak he has made me everytime i break down. i'm constantly afraid that he find someone who can deal with his drinking better. and i always manage to find a reason to blame myself...it doesn't make sense.<br />
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i'm like you. we need to get ourselves out of these kinds of situations. but how do you say no to someone you love so much? i don't see myself turning away from him...at least not anytime soon. it's always in the back of my mind that if i stay there to support him through it all, he'll realize what kind of help he needs and things will get better.

I was married to this same type of man for 12 years. I promise you that you would be better off without him. I know it will hurt to let him go, and I know you probably won't hear what I am saying, but there is NOTHING you can do to fix him, only he can do that, and as long as you stay with him it gives him a reason why he doesn't have to. You are enabling him to be disfuctional by putting up with it.<br />
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I'm so sorry to sound harsh, but your story sounded just like those 12 years of my life and there is no way I can get them back.<br />
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Hugs.

Love is not supposed to hurt and every day you spend more time with him the worse it will get. Why is it we always fall for the ones that are bad for us?