It Is Becoming Clearer And Clear To Me That I Am Truly In Love With Him

Anxious, nervous, excited, giddy, hopeful, all of these motions race through my mind, as I wait to see his name on my cellphone screen. Some mornings I cannot help myself, the need to hear from him is so great that I send the first message.

It is true that I am married to another as is he, but that does not change my feelings for him.  Sometimes I find myself questioning his love for me, is it because I am 20 years his junior or is it because he truly loves me.  Urban legends and modern tales are filled with stories of the older men "trading em in for a younger models", but if that were true wouldn't he have reeled in another younger model out the sea of woman out their looking for their "sugar daddY"?

I know that its more than the thrill of the affair, I have had an affair before, and it was what it was. No feelings love or the deep need to always be connected.  I am constantly thinking of this older man and the forever we are always talking about. I know its love because of the month of pain I have spent when I pushed him away.  The depression and isolation I felt without him was unbearable, so unbearable I asked to be let back in his life, and he graciously allowed me back into his graces. Friday was the happiest day I have spent in so long, all day long we had wonderful conversation and communications that I did not want to end, and was so saddened when at last it did.

I love his voice, his humor, his eyes, his hands, his mouth. My chest swells with love as I listen to him conduct his business when I call. I call and he could be talking the most mundane subjects and I babble on and on just to keep him talking. He probably thinks I am a fool and the village idiot, but I don't care I really don't as long as I am a part of his life even the smallest part.

kuriousgyrl kuriousgyrl
36-40, F
7 Responses Feb 7, 2010

You are truly in love darlin. Don't question it. Don't over-analyse. You are in the midst of it. Enjoy the feelings you are experiencing, those are the feelings that make us feel truly alive. x

The older man I love isn't married, but we can't be together for a number of reasons. it's been over a long time, I miss him so much and yearn for him all the time.

I completely understand how you feel. Thank you for that.

I am its the best roller coaster ride of my life!!! :)

Oh well - when you fall hard for a fine fellow ... enjoy it!

I love him so much that it frightens me!!!! I have never fallen this hard in my life!!!

:) Yes... I'd say love is in the air and you took a large breath of it!