In Love With Older Married Woman

We had been working together for at least 4 years. All this time I thought she was very beautiful and funny and charming, but I never thought about her in any way other than as a co-worker.Then a new guy came and worked at our job, and before anybody knew it, they were having an affair. She seemed happy for two years and then the guy quit. They were still seeing each other after because the guy would show up at our job every week and they would go out for "lunch". But even that started to slow down. That was when I stepped in. We had always been friendly and flirtatious with each other so when her previous affair started to fizzle out, it wasn't that hard for us to start seeing each other. The sex was incredible, the best I'd ever had. But in the process, we also got closer and closer emotionally. This was when I found out about her dickish husband. He wasn't physically abusive, but he was verbally and emotionally. I also found out that she had other affairs other than the one I have just described. She also told me that the reason her previous romance slowed down was that because his wife found out and that he wasn't as free to see her as much. Well and good for me, right? Not really...because while she was seeing me, every so often the guy would still come around our job and they would still go out for "lunch", which was killing me to no end, because I found myself falling deeper and deeper in love with her and wanting her for myself. Then one day, she told him about me, and they totally stopped seeing each other. So, after this, we have been seeing each other for almost two years now, and in the process, she let me into her home, introduced me to her 12 year old son, with whom I am also getting emotionally attached to. Oh yeah, I should also mention that after she ended her relationship with this guy, she confessed to me that she was only using me to get over him. Any other self-respecting guy would have turned and run, right? Not me...dumbass that I am. You can say that I have no respect for myself, that I'm stupid for staying with her, I've heard it all before, and I don't care. Maybe I am just so in love with her that I don't care. So we're still seeing each other and every week it's the same thing. She always reminds me that I was just the rebound but at the same time, she also tells me that when and if she ever gets a divorce, she'd like for me to around, not to marry her, but because she knows I am good for her and that nobody else loves her like I do. Yeah, so I figure I'm being used, but as of right now, like I said, I don't care as long as I can still see her. One more thing...she's 51 years old and menopausal, so she's on this emotional roller coaster with her moods and sexual desire. So the sex has slowed down somewhat. And she says that she wants to stay in her marriage, not because she loves her husband, but because of her son. I don't know what else to write about, so for anybody reading this, feel free to comment or ask questions, because I'm really messed up right now...I am so depressed and in anguish about this that I've seriously started thinking about killing myself just to stop from getting hurt anymore. Dammit, I need help!
wumbojumbo wumbojumbo
41-45, M
3 Responses Dec 5, 2012

Now cause she could lose everything if he knew until the divorce was over. She started to act diff towards me started telling me she was sick all the time and couldn't see me. She moved home 5mths after she moved out said she missed her kids and they were very upset about the divorce. We didn't talk for a month than she texts me said she wants to c me but as friends. Went to c her she sAid she is still deeply in love with me but has to be home for her kids till they are older. I am still seeing her we still have sex even though she is with her husband. I am a mess I can't function all I think about is her and I can't even be with another girl. I am cutting her off I told her last sat it was to hard for me to see her if she is going to be home. Delete anything that reminds u of her. Block her email and phone number. It will only get worse if u don't.

Bro I am in the same situation.. I met this older chick in school she is 43 I'm 33.. I did not talk to her at all till finals. She sat upfront and I could tell she took good notes so I asked her if she could email them to me. She said sure and the next day sent me like 10 pages of typed notes. Said that I owe her now. She started to email me just talking and I gave her my num to text me. She started flirting hard core with hints like u really owe me, and stuff. We met at school that sat to study. I said so what's ur story married single, than I saw her ring. She said she has been married 20 yrs but is unhappy and she would tell me more over drinks. Long story short one night after class we went for a drink than back to school parking lot, she grabbed me and started kissing me, we did everything except have sex. Than she starts blowing me up with texts about how much she wants to c me,
She wants to have sex. One night she text said she can get away for the night her friend was gonna cover for her. She spent the night and we snuck around for like 3 weeks at first I felt nothing for her than I started to fall for her. She started telling me she misses me and was starting to fall in love with me. I told her I felt the same way. Another week went by and when we would see each other and she had to leave to go home she would always start to cry.
I finally had enough and said I can't see u anymore of ur going to stay with him. She broke down And said she has never felt this way for anyone not even her husband and she wanted to leave him months ago even before me said she will start talking to him. They have 2 kids 12-14. She text me one sat morning and said she told him she wants a divorce. She left and came over here . She moved out this was about 5 weeks after we met. Moved into her moms home cause her mom past away so the house was empty. She told me wAnted to have a kid with me and she wanted to marry me. Even gave me her moms wedding ring to have the diamond put in a new ring for her. We spent the weekends together and when ever she didn't have the kids. She met with a lawyer and after that she changed said its going to take at least a yr and it was not fair to me because she could not commit to me right now cause she could loose everything if the husband found out.
Told her I didn't care I would wait. We saw each other anytime she didn't have the kids but we did not live together. She started becoming more distant said she was sick a lot when we had plans. She got laid off from her job of 21 years. I was getting upset cause I wanted to move forward and it was like she didn't. I told her to make a choice commit and move in or I was took 3 weeks when she said she decided to go back home for her kids. We had a last night together and she started crying and said she loves me and she knows she will never have anyone treat her so good or make her feel the way she does. She went home and I was a mess, I could not function at work i didn't want to leave the house and I thought about ending my life. She text me a month later said she misses me And wants to c me just as friends. Met her and we ended up having sex. She started with the I love u miss u and she would leave when her kids are done school. We saw each other maybe 2 times a week as we are both laid off. I'm still seeing her but she is sleeping with her husband and I can't deal with that. I am in process of breaking it off. It's very hard to do when u love someone so much and u can't have them. U have to cut all ties with her delete every pic text email address, block num and email so she can't get ahold of u. I started to get over her till we started back up, but behind her husbands back again. cut her off or it will be a never ending cycle and u will just be hurt and for what ? If she loved u she would do whatever to be with u. The one I'm seeing is getting cut off and it will help cause everytime u talk to her or email her u will restart the healing process and never get over her. I am so bad that I can't even be with another girl cause I just think about her. Things will get better but end it ASAP.

No matter how we may tell ourselves this is not right or good for us, the heart wants what the heart wants doesn't it? She sounds like she is being honest with you about where this is heading, so I give her credit for that. But you may find you are less depressed and dependent on her if you are open to the possibility of other friendships and relationships. I hope you have not committed to only seeing her and not seeing other people - somehow that doesn't seem fair. You should also see if your doctor can give you some Prozac or something to help you over the hump. It sounds like you may have situational depression. Nothing to be ashamed about, and no reason to feel depressed when you don't have to. Just my 2 cents.