So In Love and So Confused

I am in love with another woman.  I've never thought of myself as being gay but this feeling for her has crept up on me.  I think about her all the time.  I have these feelings for her but I don't know if she's interested in me for anything more than just friendship.  I don't feel as though I can talk to her about it so I just suffer in silence....wondering. 

The crazy thing is that I'm married and have children. My husband and I aren't happy.  We haven't been happy for a long, long time.  The marriage has been sexless for years.  My husband just doesn't desire me anymore.  Come to think of it, he was never really that into our sex life.  I always had to initiate things and half the time he would just be "too tired".  Several years ago, I got tired of the constant rejection and just stopped asking.  He didn't even seem to notice. There's really nothing between us other than the kids.  Despite all of this, I had sort of resigned myself to stay in the marriage until they were older but now I'm confused.  Am I gay? or bisexual? Is it my fault that the marriage hasn't worked?

I've never been with another woman. How can I even know if that's what I want? I don't even know if she has similiar feelings...Sometimes I think she might but I'm too afraid to ask.  She's not married ~ never has been. She doesn't seem at all interested in men and in the entire time I've known her (four years)she hasn't been on a date. I suspect that she may be gay but of course, that doesn't necessarily mean that she would be interested in me.  I don't know how to talk to her about it.  I would hate to risk our friendship.  All I know is that I can't stop thinking about  her. I want to be with her all the time and I wonder what it would be like if we could really be together. I don't think it's just a passing thing..I've felt this way about her for a long time but I've never had the courage to act on it.


shelterhalf shelterhalf
41-45, F
6 Responses Apr 4, 2009

Friends have always asked me if I'm bisexual.I guess in a way you could call it that but I don't see it as straight bisexual or gay. I see it as cannot control who you fall in love with,you can only hope the person you fall in love with feels the same.I am currently in love with a man but throughout my life I've had feelings for girls,I was just too afraid to act on them,because fear of rejection.

me...i'm a lesbian but in the closet...i have always liked women...but like you im too afraid to act on it and be i am considering of being in a heterosexual relationship because i dont wanna be so lonely :(

You know its funny how you mention this...cause i wrote apost on here, I lost my old password and user name and can't find it now, which i'm looking for. I've known this woman and she is married with 3 kids and a husband, I believe they have sex alot! or once a week cause her husban jokes about it. but I have had feelings for her more so now then ever...well for the past 5 years that i have known her ..since i have met her i have never had these feelings, its like my soul knows her or something! But i would never tell her how i feel...becuase i know she would never be my friend again or ever talk to me...I miss her so much when i don't talk to her on the phone. <br />
<br />
I wish I knew how it would feel- like to feel her. I don't want her to leave her marrage or especially her children ever for me! But I would just like to be with her once a month or something, I don't know if she feels the same for me...I don't think so, sometimes I think she perhaps doesn't even like me, but I'm scared to tell her, I hope one day she makes a move on me...I don't know what I would do, perhaps faint cause I want her, I think of suckling her breast all the time! I am not gay! But she is the only woman I ever felt this way about...I feel that I love her for some reason. <br />
<br />
So to answer your question I'm single female and have never been married and I'm in love with a married woman with kids..I'm just the opposite of you! She is a decade older than me though, but i don't care - cause we are adults! I just wonder how it would feel like to be with her/another woman I have never been with a woman before, so Idon't know. But as your situation, I don't know try flirting with her...invite her more often to your house to get a feel on her. Get drunk see what happens (in your home - safety) I wouldn't ask her as she might not be gay. <br />
<br />
Funny thing her and her husband sometimes joke around me me thinking i'm gay...but i say i'm not cause I don't know if i'm not, but i know i don't like any other woman expect her! So i'n not gay cause i go get attracted to men...but I really want her...I just wished she wanted me back too!

And then let us know if that works - we are crossing our fingers for you - I am always on the side of romance and love - no matter the sexual preference.

Zarfo - nothing risked - nothing gained - change idiot - to brave person.<br />
<br />
And (I am saying this to myself) don't put yourself down, the world will do that enough as it is!

oh sorry, ignore that, I just noticed you're in a different time zone. sorry I feel a bit of an idiot now :)

I know how you feel (except for being in a sexless marriage or any marriage for that matter), unrequited love is a double edged sword. It's the greatest feeling yet it leaves us so unfulfilled and always wondering what could have been.....<br />
<br />
I doubt the state of your marriage is your fault, as you're the one who tried to make it work. If you're bi that doesn't change anything, and even if you're gay you still tried to save things so theres no reason to blame yourself.<BR><BR>This question may sound crazy but nietsche once said theres always some madness in love, but always some reason in madness. You sound remarkably like the woman I am in love with. You express your feelings for this woman as vaguely as she would express her feelings for me if she had any. Everything fits. You sound exactly like her, or how I hope she would feel, so forgive me for asking this, it's just a crazy desperate thought, but are your initials AT? Is your first name Andy?<BR><BR>I know that sounds ridiculous, but hope is a ridiculous thing to hold onto.......yet impossible to let go of. sorry.