So In Love and So Confused
I am in love with another woman. I've never thought of myself as being gay but this feeling for her has crept up on me. I think about her all the time. I have these feelings for her but I don't know if she's interested in me for anything more than just friendship. I don't feel as though I can talk to her about it so I just suffer in silence....wondering.
The crazy thing is that I'm married and have children. My husband and I aren't happy. We haven't been happy for a long, long time. The marriage has been sexless for years. My husband just doesn't desire me anymore. Come to think of it, he was never really that into our sex life. I always had to initiate things and half the time he would just be "too tired". Several years ago, I got tired of the constant rejection and just stopped asking. He didn't even seem to notice. There's really nothing between us other than the kids. Despite all of this, I had sort of resigned myself to stay in the marriage until they were older but now I'm confused. Am I gay? or bisexual? Is it my fault that the marriage hasn't worked?
I've never been with another woman. How can I even know if that's what I want? I don't even know if she has similiar feelings...Sometimes I think she might but I'm too afraid to ask. She's not married ~ never has been. She doesn't seem at all interested in men and in the entire time I've known her (four years)she hasn't been on a date. I suspect that she may be gay but of course, that doesn't necessarily mean that she would be interested in me. I don't know how to talk to her about it. I would hate to risk our friendship. All I know is that I can't stop thinking about her. I want to be with her all the time and I wonder what it would be like if we could really be together. I don't think it's just a passing thing..I've felt this way about her for a long time but I've never had the courage to act on it.