I Love Her So Much But Its Not Returned

well i never thought id be online telling the pain inside me but what better way but to let complete strangers into your life and give you comfort and advice. I got the girl... yay for me right i thought so after her being my best girl friend with alot of ups in downs such as the time i was so upset with her i would have slept with her best friend to get over he but i knew i loved her to much but for two years, it was two years i felt the pain that i got from her not being mine, when we first meet we were going to be the cutest couple but with my luck she could not have a boyfriend because she was afraid of commitment. thats were it all began i'm not saying i'm the best looking guy around but i had numerous opportunities to be with a few girls and have sex. but my girlfriend has made her up he mind she wants to wait till marriage to have sex, i can respect that but that doesn't mean we cant foul around right but yet she still pushes my hands away when ever i get close to anything.. anyway .... i couldn't bring my self to get involved with anyone because something in the back of my head said she has always liked you and you two are meant to be. and guess what i was right but just in time for me to get over her she explained how she liked me and i went with it. So now after 5 months were are together, i love her so much it hurts in side, but i'm her first boyfriend and she has explained to me that she is not emotionally ready to love me when i heard that it felt like my heart stopped beating for a second and she's sorry but being her first boy friend she doesn't understand all the time the things girlfriends do and things in that such i know im not the best boyfriend in the world and i dont know why she puts up with me half the time . sometimes i get in these moods because i care for her so much and dont know what to do to make her happy and just shut down but yeah that also put sher into a mood funny how things work well i understand that and i'm trying step by step to help her learn those things. we are seniors in high school and i know she has no intentions of wanting to marry me. So now that i am ok with all this or at least telling my self i am i have decided i guess the best way to get away from all this and join the U.S. Marine Corp and not look back the only thing that is important to me is her happiness and if that means that i need to leave her i dont think shed take it as hard as me, but if that will help make her to be happy then thats what i will do, i could never ask her to wait for me after the military so there is not much to talk about there, the only thing i am afraid of is she will realize she will love me and it will be to late. the thing i think that pains me the most is i don't want to die with out someone loving me. i'm am not afraid to die but to have died with out being loved, i'm not saying i will die in the marines but there is always that chance. and i have come to ease with the fact that i am her tester boyfriend and thats all i will ever be. i wanted her to tell me "i loved you" so bad but when i thought about it that was just so silly i think i just didnt want her to ever forget me. i realized that she will never love me and it was selfish of me to expect her to love me back you cant control peoples feelings for you . this is life. * but to the boy who is the first one she loves you will truly be the luckiest guy in the world. i do not envy you but i will in fact congratulate you and your life will be forever changed and you will love every second of it as do i right now ......................i love you M.B.
jawkss jawkss
18-21, M
5 Responses Jan 18, 2008

Stop loving her, she doesn't deserve it. Love yourself instead! :)

im along the same lines, id known her through school for years, and always had some sortafeelings for her, when eventually this time last year she confronted me and told me she liked me. she told me over the next week or so, about how she really felt, and after meeting up more we started to get close. i then told her myself i loved her and we were basically together, i felt so good, as if it was meant to be, but then about 6 months later, i went away on with a group. people didnt know about us really as we prefered to keep it quiet, and rumours got round that i was flirting with other girls. she just shut down on me, and she changed, i honestly didnt flirt, she means the world to me, and i still love her now, but she didnt believe me, it just got worse an worse, we stopped talking, and we constantly argued how she didnt believe i loved her<br />
all i wanted was for her to believe me, i cant stand it without her, it hurts so much all i want is what we had before, and shes to scared ill hurt her again. now shes getting close with another boy, hes a close friend of mine, and he knows how i feel about her, shes constantly claiming how they are only close as friends,pleading me to believe her, but every time i see them, (i know it sounds screwed up) i feel like i want to cry, <br />
though the other night the subject of prom came up and she then said how if i went with another girl we were talking about it would hurt her, and then she seemed so upset again, so i told her i still loved her, and i was sorry if ive now made it awkward, she just said dont worry it wont be, and nothings happened in the last 2 days, i really love her and i cant pull away, i contantly think about it all, trying to find something to change, and when ever theres another boy that seems to take advantage i feel so much anger, i know i cant be like that, and i need to stop being so selfish, but when she sayus things like it would hurt her if i went with someone else to prom, or when she suddenly recently at a party sat with me with her arm around me and held my other hand for well over an hour just me and her, its those situations that make this all so complicatedfor me, <br />
i guess the main thing for me is that shes happy aslong as thats the case, ill be fine

dude i going through the same thing but<br />
then i liked some one else, but i still get how u feel

I agree with Juxtalon there. Maybe moving along IS a good idea. I think your problem might be that your feelings towards this lady are a little strong for someone at her mental age. Maybe she's a little immature or like she said, young, to understand how you feel and that may be intimidating her. However I know it's not easy letting this kind of feeling go. My advice is more directed to you wanting to join the Marines. It worries me that you might make a bit of a mistake. I don't suggest you course your life out of heartache, if you're going to forget her, alright, but don't make life-changing decitions out of pain; it could have bad consequences.<br />
<br />
I know what I'm telling you since I was... and deep down, still am, ready to follow the woman I love into the ARMY here.

dude i'm going through the same thing, known this girl for a while prior to dating her. told her how i felt, she doesnt feel the same way because she is not ready to love someone. you do feel like you are a tester boyfriend, basically you are. your setting yourself up for a heartache. i realize this though. i told her so. i communicate to her very well , she otoh,, ehhhh, not so much. . shes often told me time is the key, she is a loner, her life is strange, a homebody basically. very picky for a girl that is very simple. i believe shes still around because of how great i've made everything. i'm her only friend. i understand this also, you get caught up in thinking that you will do anything for that girl, and they do see it. . they admire it. dont be a doormat, once you realize that you are worth more than the bs they put you through, attitudes will change and they also will be back to square one. learn to be a communication guru bro, get your **** together , feel confident , and take control, ...if the chick doesnt want to roll, you roll out. be smart one step ahead, remember you're the man, --girls are candy, they know it. i cant eat just one, my chick knows that too. i'm 4 months into her. if they treat you like a tester, do the same. be sly. confident. create goals, if they cant see a good thing in front of there face, forget about it. too much to explore for someone that understands life. most women dont have a clue. nice guys do not finish last, we do get the girls, the good girls. women that you can count on and will see things through with you, with no bs. have faith man.