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The Girl That I Still....

(Warning: this is kind of long and boring) I met this girl my sophomore year in high school, and she was a cool person. We'd sit on the bus and we'd share stories, laugh, etc. Haha, the windows would often interest me more than her at times. However as time progressed and my Junior year began things started to change. I began to notice that she was getting better looking and cuter each day after school. So, then the night came when we were texting each other and she tosses me a small hint. The hinting text read something like"There are all these girls here playing spin the bottle, which would you kiss?". "You". I passed her test, and the next day I was "going out" with her. I was very excited to see what would progress.

Every day after school we'd hold hands and I'd sit and talk with her. I was still horribly nervous, because she was still my friend and I didn't want to ruin anything. I'd hold her hands, and picture myself getting turned down for a kiss (irrational fear). Things kept getting, I thought, better. However, one night she blindsides me with a "let's be friends text". I couldn't believe it, and I felt my future planned out adventures with her crumble into air. So I got drunk, and stumbled outside repeating "You learned from this, this happens to everyone". I would see her across the field at lunch, and would sigh a heavy and cold sigh of sadness. Why me? Trying to be friends was easy for her, but for me was a creaky joke. I eventually moved to the back of the bus.

As school was winding down for us (she was a senior), and her previous boyfriend was over with, I casually messaged her on myspace. We messaged back and forth, and she AGAIN dropped some (what I thought) hints. The next day I text her and suggest we hang out. This hanging out eventually turned into us making out at a park nearby. I was so happy that she finally realized what I had was worthy, and that she accepted it. However the pleasantries came with a warning that made me cry, "We can do this til I have to go to college". So, we were "somewhat" happy together in the summer, and my feelings for her steadily rose and rose.

Her father suggested I go camping along with her and I obliged. This will be awesome, and now she can finally open up to me because hey, I ain't goin' anywhere. I was obviously in love with her. She cradled her sister in her arms, and the glow from the campfire made my eyes water more than usual. This girl was perfect, and I love her so much. UNFORTUNATELY, this camping trip was the worst heartache I've ever felt. I knew she didn't love me, and she would as far as to ignore my compliments that I paid her. "You're beautiful" I said one day at the lake. She turned her head away and I felt helpless. Kill me now, she will never love me. I came back home with my mind made up that I would break up with her because I thought I would not get fooled again.

The night came. I had to help her pack her things, with her friend Shay. I got the heart- wrenching feeling that everything I did/said was stupid, and that Shay was the right guy for her. And she reflected my emotions by almost "dealing" with me being there, and treating me like a stupid acquaintance. We go back to her grandmother's empty house, and we watch T.V. I WON'T leave until I tell her how I feel. Shay leaves, and at around midnight, She says in a hesitant whisper, "I have to go to bed now...". I was shaking for five minutes of silence, and I tell her everything. I continue the lie that I wasn't a virgin to make myself feel better (I know, I'm useless), and tell her that I love her. She responds by telling me she doesn't feel the same way, and I leave in tears and guilt.

So, here I am, 4-5 months later and still depressed. I haven't talked to her at all since she moved, and I know she probably thinks I'm a hopeless fool. At least I do. All I can do is think about what could have been, and I still have dreams that make me depressed for the whole day. I have never been sadder in my short life, and it won't alleviate. I can't do anything, and I feel as helpless as ever. My best friend, my love, and my heartbreak. I still cry when I let myself break down and be honest. I will always love this girl.
bitterduedbro bitterduedbro 18-21 7 Responses Jan 6, 2011

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The awful "friendzone" is a *****, yet all guys or almost all of them pass through it sometime in their lives. The real dumb ones, like myself, pass through it more than once. The thing is, our generation is more protected, much more than the generation of our parents. That leaves us... Well, quite unprepared for some things. One of them is dealing with the opposite sex. Some of us, specially the ones gifted with a fertile imagination, tend to fantasize a lot. We place girls on a pedestal. We really think that the fact that we have feelings is compatible with their preconceptions of men. What are they? Well, you can think of Indiana Jones, the Fonz, James Dean, etc. and try to figure what they have in common. It's much more than a handsome face. It's much more than a great body. It's all about confidence. It's all about the fact that you don't give a damn. Next time a girl friendzones you, start acting like you don't give a flying **** to what she thinks or wants. Trust me, you'll surprise her. And pretty soon she'll find herself thinking why did you leave, and getting the urge to contact you. When she does, present yourself like an equal, not like a subordinate. She will then learn to respect you and not to play with your feelings. Perhaps then you'll have a chance.

Why is it that it's always guys who are in love with girls and don't get to ever be with them?

I'm going through something similar right now with this girl that I've been working with for the past five years. When she first started working there I didn't have these strong feelings for her at first because I had found out that she had a boyfriend at the time. So years started going by and I figured that she was still with her boyfriend. So my mindset was that she was still with her boyfriend at the time and I never viewed her anymore then just a friend. We were sitting down and talking one day and she told me that she was single and immediately after that my feelings for her completely changed. Ever since then I haven't been able to get my mind off of her at all. I eventually got the courage to ask her out after all these years but she kindly turned me down but I didn't want to give up. I had made up my mind that this was the girl that I wanted to be with. So I kept trying and trying but it got to the point where we got into arguments and eventually we had a huge fight and we weren't even talking to one another. To this day were still friends and I'm still crazy for her but I know that she isn't the one that I'm suppose to be with. I can't get over it though and I know that it's going to always be in the back of my mind that I have feelings for her and she doesn't view me anymore then just a friend. I tell her I love her all the time and its like when we have a good night at work together we click and we can just sit and talk about whatever. Last night actually I worked with her and after our shift we both sat down and I talked to her about my recent vacation. Then she was like are you ready and I'm like yeah and we both walked out of work together. So we stopped by our cars and talked for a couple of more minutes and she gave me a hug as usual. I've driven myself to tears over this girl and I just wish that she would see me more then a friend and be my girlfriend. I don't know what to do anymore but I know that I need to get over her and move on to something else.

I have been writing love as a human emotion in my blog explaining how people deals when they are suffering from a heartbreak. Maybe you might want to check it out ;-)

http://thelaughingman-humanemotion.blogspot.com/

Beautiful story, I myself been through something like that 6 months ago and it ended up even worst than your case. I just got better recently, I think it is a matter of time you will get through this heartbreak. When you meet new people and passes through the sadness, you will realise that there are better ones out there for you and the girl you loved isn't perfect for you anyway.

Hey. I'm going through the same thing as you are? How do you cope? Please tell me. This pain won't go away.

sorry it didnt work out.. i know what its like cuz ive been through.. i wont go so far as to advice u because only time can make u feel better.. its a beautiful story though.. the way uve narrated is just awesome.. go at ur own pace.. ull definitely feel better.. good luck