The Girl That I Still....(Warning: this is kind of long and boring) I met this girl my sophomore year in high school, and she was a cool person. We'd sit on the bus and we'd share stories, laugh, etc. Haha, the windows would often interest me more than her at times. However as time progressed and my Junior year began things started to change. I began to notice that she was getting better looking and cuter each day after school. So, then the night came when we were texting each other and she tosses me a small hint. The hinting text read something like"There are all these girls here playing spin the bottle, which would you kiss?". "You". I passed her test, and the next day I was "going out" with her. I was very excited to see what would progress.
Every day after school we'd hold hands and I'd sit and talk with her. I was still horribly nervous, because she was still my friend and I didn't want to ruin anything. I'd hold her hands, and picture myself getting turned down for a kiss (irrational fear). Things kept getting, I thought, better. However, one night she blindsides me with a "let's be friends text". I couldn't believe it, and I felt my future planned out adventures with her crumble into air. So I got drunk, and stumbled outside repeating "You learned from this, this happens to everyone". I would see her across the field at lunch, and would sigh a heavy and cold sigh of sadness. Why me? Trying to be friends was easy for her, but for me was a creaky joke. I eventually moved to the back of the bus.
As school was winding down for us (she was a senior), and her previous boyfriend was over with, I casually messaged her on myspace. We messaged back and forth, and she AGAIN dropped some (what I thought) hints. The next day I text her and suggest we hang out. This hanging out eventually turned into us making out at a park nearby. I was so happy that she finally realized what I had was worthy, and that she accepted it. However the pleasantries came with a warning that made me cry, "We can do this til I have to go to college". So, we were "somewhat" happy together in the summer, and my feelings for her steadily rose and rose.
Her father suggested I go camping along with her and I obliged. This will be awesome, and now she can finally open up to me because hey, I ain't goin' anywhere. I was obviously in love with her. She cradled her sister in her arms, and the glow from the campfire made my eyes water more than usual. This girl was perfect, and I love her so much. UNFORTUNATELY, this camping trip was the worst heartache I've ever felt. I knew she didn't love me, and she would as far as to ignore my compliments that I paid her. "You're beautiful" I said one day at the lake. She turned her head away and I felt helpless. Kill me now, she will never love me. I came back home with my mind made up that I would break up with her because I thought I would not get fooled again.
The night came. I had to help her pack her things, with her friend Shay. I got the heart- wrenching feeling that everything I did/said was stupid, and that Shay was the right guy for her. And she reflected my emotions by almost "dealing" with me being there, and treating me like a stupid acquaintance. We go back to her grandmother's empty house, and we watch T.V. I WON'T leave until I tell her how I feel. Shay leaves, and at around midnight, She says in a hesitant whisper, "I have to go to bed now...". I was shaking for five minutes of silence, and I tell her everything. I continue the lie that I wasn't a virgin to make myself feel better (I know, I'm useless), and tell her that I love her. She responds by telling me she doesn't feel the same way, and I leave in tears and guilt.
So, here I am, 4-5 months later and still depressed. I haven't talked to her at all since she moved, and I know she probably thinks I'm a hopeless fool. At least I do. All I can do is think about what could have been, and I still have dreams that make me depressed for the whole day. I have never been sadder in my short life, and it won't alleviate. I can't do anything, and I feel as helpless as ever. My best friend, my love, and my heartbreak. I still cry when I let myself break down and be honest. I will always love this girl.
bitterduedbro 18-21 7 Responses 3 Jan 6, 2011