Feel Worse Everyday

Ok to start I am 42 years old I have been married and divorced twice. This all happened in the process of my second divorce(we were separated at the time). I was lonely and alone so I decided to look up my high school girlfriend. We were friends on Facebook so I contacted her that way. I knew she was married so I made up some lame excuse to talk to her. She immediately text me back and she too was in the process of her second divorce. Let me step back a minute we dated in high school for a few years. I loved her very much back then but she seemed to "stray". At one time back then I know she loved me too. But back then it was so much easier to just blow it off. So we really hadn't talked for around 20 years or so. Anyway, we met up and it all just clicked again.She was so sweet and still as beautiful maybe even more so. We talked everyday and then it came to seeing each other almost everyday. We fell in love all over again. I was so happy it made all the pain from my last marriage just go away(she cheated on me by the way). For some reason after 7 months or so she just started distancing herself from me. I mean we spent Christmas with my family I complimented her everyday, bought her things and so on. Maybe I was obsessed I don't know. All of a sudden she text me one day and just said she wasn't going to see me anymore. I asked why she said she never had enough time to get over her ex husband. It broke me. Then after awhile she started talking to me again. My heart would skip a beat everytime I would hear from her. I just thought to myself maybe there is a chance. She would never like to talk about her feelings or anything, like she was afraid. I know that she knew and still knows she could trust me. It was like she just gave up. I don't know if it was someone else or what. I hear from her now and then just text, she refuses to meet me or actually talk on the phone. Blocked on Facebook also she has to be hiding something. But you know what I love that woman with all my heart. And to have a second chance all these years later what a waste. There isn't a day goes by I don't think about her. In my mind I know she isn't good for me but the heart seems to rule. People tell me to get over her, move on. But anyone who loves another that much knows nothing can take their place. I'm sure after time it will all feel better but it's been well over a year and here I am still yearning for her. If I could forget I sure would but it's just not that easy as you all probably know.
bizcat bizcat
41-45
Jan 21, 2013