I'm Everything She Wants, But She Doesn't Want Me?

I'm a 20 year old guy, almost 21 in a few more months.  In High School i was never a ladies man, until I graduated and started working Blue Collar jobs for 2 years and gradually got more and more confident because of everyone i was around.  I now attend college to be trained for a career I lightly stepped in to during my 2 work years that I enjoyed.

I've gone through a few bad relationships, and being a conciously nice guy I get led on a lot.  After a few months of not even caring to find anyone to be with, enter Cori.

I met Cori through her Mother, as weird as that may sound I knew her Mother for 3 years from my retail job in High School.  At first I told myself, "Damn, shes gorgeous!  But shes my friends daughter, I'm better off staying away.".  When I decided to go to college i needed to get a part time job, so I got my old job back in a retail store for a few months where I had met her mother, and what do i know her daughter Cori works here now too.

The first few weeks we only talked passing by, or just talked things that had happened during the day.  She started to always look towards me and smile when i was around and turn away and blush if i looked back.  She would walk at just the right pace to catch me taking a glance of her butt (She knew she had a perfect butt).  I noticed a few guys gave her their numbers and she just didnt want to do anything with them, so I figured "Screw it, I'll give it a shot.".

After a talk one day, she said with a cute face "Come see me tomorow!  I'm working".  Jackpot, perfect opportunity just fell in my laps, this never happens!  I came in the next day before she got out of work, and asked for her number.  She happily took my phone and put the number in herself, and checked it twice.  The next few weeks went out quite a bit, she's incredibly physically intimate, not in a sex deviant way but a very cuddly way on all the dates.

I went to her house Christmas night and didnt leave until 5 in the morning, we just cuddled on the couch and whispered into each others ears.  After that, something went wrong.  She changed the way she acted when she spoke to me, texts of missing me and wanting me to stay in her bed stopped, and she wouldnt kiss me anymore.  She never said why, I was so lost and confused, she closed her heart and wouldnt tell me how she felt and i got stuck all alone with a huge hole in my heart and a burning feeling that wouldnt go away.

We had an arguement because I couldn't take just not knowing, I knew that I loved her but being left after so much intimacy without a reason felt horrible.  She finally explained she didnt know what she wanted and we stopped talking for the first time. 

One day a week or two later, she sends me a text.  She says she doesn't want to lose me because I'm such a 'Nice' guy.  So, being a nice guy, i talk to her again.  She blows me off every time I try and make plans, yet she still hugs me in more than a friendly way and still constantly grabs my butt.  So I think "Yes! She made up her mind!  Everythings working out,".

Nope.  I ask her to be my Valentines a month later and it ends in an arguement where we stop talking.  A week later, she comes into work and hugs me without saying anything.  She says im so nice, and i care so much, and that most guys are jerks but im not one at all and she doesnt want to lose me.  A week later, I break.  I couldn't handle the situation, I thought of her with another guy and It made me cringe, i wanted to cry, i couldnt bare it, I told her how i felt and that as much as i would never want to lose her i dont think i could handle seeing her with another guy, as much as a nice guy or friend i can be, it hurts so much to know i did nothing wrong, but by being the nice guy i finished last.

I can't think straight anymore, I need to let go, but I have so many times before I don't want to.  I think of her doing the must mundane things, I care if she is upset, I want to make her smile, I know I love her, and know she did love me, I don't know what to do.

Vancent Vancent
18-21, M
6 Responses Feb 24, 2010

Yea man I know exactly what you mean. I met this girl in the summer, and we go to the same university together. I became so into her that when we both got into the same program I tried to make my classes with her just to be able to see her and get to know her better. And over a few months we became so close and I really liked her and so I would be willing to drive her home , make sure she's okay , talk to her often, walk with her, study with her , get her coffee, food , I was just being so genuine and did all the things she appreciated most. She always told me when I did those things it would make her heart melt and she would be so happy. She would tell me that she was so lucky to know me , and that the best thing that happened to her all year was that I changed my courses to be like hers. She told me that I did all the right things, that I was so sweet, so kind , my heart was so innocent and that I did everything perfectly. But then when I told her how I felt , she shut me down, she said she was sorry for leading me on , and that if I only wanted to see her as something more than friends then it wouldn't be healthy to hang out anymore. And I didn't understand because I felt like I did all that I could , and she told me that she saw that I was trying , and that I was doing everything believed was ideal in a guy, and yet she told me that she didn't like me like that. But it felt so real, like my emotions , us going to events together , hanging out , laughing and having fun, it felt so good and perfect so I didn't understand why she didn't want that too if she felt happy and appreciated it too. I don't understand why she was so willing to change me to fit her ideal kind of guy , then when I did and I still am trying she told me that she didn't want me to make myself to her standards or to be better in that way , and I told her that there's always compromise in order to have relationships, but she said she didn't know what to tell me .
So I was so lost right now , and now I guess we went back to friends , and I'm holding off on the compliments and buying her coffee, and messaging her all the time and stuff, hoping that eventually when she stops feeling this phase where she feels like I'm getting the wrong idea, so that when she goes back to being neutral she might be able to see it once again. Not to mention that when she first told her parents about me her mom did not approve at all, and she told me from the start that her parents were disapproving people. She told me they wanted her to date someone perfect , and I told her that it's normal for parents to not approve at all the first time you mention someone you spend all your time with. She told me she friend zoned me , and I told her I didn't understand why if I had the potential that she was always valuing and looking for in a guy, so everyday I try to hold back showing my love so that she won't feel like I'm going too fast for something she's not ready for. So don't worry guys, I don't understand why girls say they're lucky to know guys like us , and tell us any girl would be lucky to have us , and then say that they don't want us even though they tell you they tell you otherwise. Fck girls man , playing with my emotions, like fck ...

Word of advice to the rest of the nice guys out there.
Women want what they can't have... and want to change what they do have.
If they can have you and don't need to change you, they don't want you. You are just a fantasy.
As stupid as it sounds, every single woman I have talked to say they want a nice guy, one that treats them with respect instead of just a piece of meat. Like equals. Then when they get a chance at one, they go back to what they are used to. I have listened to about 50 different women literally in tears about their boyfriends treating them like crap, or how they hate how he leaves the toilet seat up or brags about his dump, doesn't do things for them, etc.
Yet I am so sweet, and cute, and they wonder why they haven't found a guy like me. (and I am going hello I'm right here...)
So next time you're with a girl and she comes around and says I love you or I miss you, instead of saying I love/miss you too, respond with "How much?" and let them chase you for a change. Make it a challenge to get to see you and there is just something they need to figure out about you. Keep her interested in finding out about you and keep being interesting.

omg! for me its the same exact thing! i mean she always tells me that she wants a guy that cares for her, hugs her, talks to her even if its at 4 am in the morning, always there for her, a gentleman... and all this crap.. and I'm like ummmm do u know me?? i am everything u just said! and I'm ready to do everything u want heck ill ******* shoot mu self for u just to be happy... but nooooo she chose to be with a guy that is a complete jerk plus every time we talk shes like complaining about him and how he treats her... and I'm standing there wondering am i invisible in this world because i just cant seem to understand why cant girls see that there is a really nice guy right there in front of them. but they rather focus on doors that are closed than focus on doors that are open, shame...

Same thing here. I go stay with her and her family in the mountains. She acts normal. Everything is perfect. We come home, go on a mother date, then one day I say "brb, shower" and when I get out, bam, one of those messages. She said I'm literally the best guy on this planet, but she doesn't want me. Wow, wtf, ya know?!?

Someone help me?

Same damn thing is happening to me too right now. She always tells me how great I am and that any girl would be lucky to have me. But then she meets this other guy that she is attracted to and she wants to get to know him but he only ever talks to her when he's drunk and from what I've heard all he wants to do is get in her pants. Let's face it, guys have found that being the nice guy doesn't end well for the guy. That's why there aren't many of us left. Once we wise up and start treating women like **** we'll be back on top and never finish last again. Then again, if we do that we won't be able to feel love again. But what is worse, loving someone who doesn't love you back, or never feeling love again?

well said bro... i think about that every single day... and have no choice but to be nice, because its in my nature to be nice, i cant treat women like ****, but that is not working well for me :/. girls think of us only as friends who helps them when they're sad or something, they only know us when they need us. and we are never an option to them, though everything they want and everything they need... we have it but they just don't realize it.

Yeah bro the almost the same thing happened to me we were getting very close, spent the weekend together in the mountains i knew she was the one then bam out of nowhere she says she wishes i was never around and she doesnt want to see me any more talk about a low blow i dont know if how long it will be before i can get close to some one again

exactly same thing happened to me, i dont know why women do it, but they seem to change their mind over night. i had a girl, everything was perfect, we were even planning a future together, then one day shes 'confused' 'doesnt wanna hurt me' and all that, now nothing! i still get the hugs and stuff like you but she has no interest of getting back together....i dont know what to do, everyone advises me to ignore her, but that doesnt seem to work, i keep slight contact on the off chance she will come back to me<br />
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what happened with your situation since this post?