It's Complicated

She's been my best friends for a few years now, but I've been wondering if what we have is more than friendship. I'm so scared that if I say something she'll not want to be as close to me. Oh, it wouldn't immediately ruin our friendship, but it would eventually be awkward enough to interfere with our friendship. I'm not even really sure if I love her. Before this began, I thought I couldn't love anyone, boy or girl. Sometimes I wonder if I'm so desperate to love someone, anyone, that I'm "making" myself love my best friend.

I do know this: When I'm around her, I don't want to leave. When I leave her, I want to be with her again. All I really want is to do whatever is best for her, but I don't know if it would be best to let her know how I feel or not. It could do more harm than good.

I'm also not sure how she feels about me. Sometimes it feels as though she's trying to open up to me, but quickly withdraws again. I'm not even sure about her sexuality. She's either bisexual or straight, but I'm not sure which. She once told me she was bi, two years ago, but has never mentioned it again. I just don't want to frighten her away by telling her I love her. And if I do tell her I love her, I don't want to find out too late that I really don't love her like I think I do.

maladicta maladicta
18-21, F
1 Response Feb 11, 2009

True. It's dangerous to admit feeling actual love unless you really DO love her. I don't recommend it... However, you can tell her how much you love her... as a friend. She would love it, I am sure, and you will find out how good and/or how satisfying it is for you to say at least that. That's what helps me figure out if I really have fallen for a friend or not. :)