Could 'we' Ever Be?

I had so much fun with her. We could make entire days go by just sitting around watching movies and we'd have a blast. She was sexy, cute, adorable, and always succeeded in making me grin the cheesiest grin in the room. I always thought initially she was waaaay out of my league, as I typically have standards that...well, she blows them outta the water (typically when I have hot friends, I seem to never notice if they ever hit on me, so I've been told), so I never thought of it like that at first; which I guess was why when she showed interest in me during a couple of parties I kept thinking "naaaah she's just drunk" and kept telling her that though I enjoy the attention and such, "this is just us having fun, this doesn't mean anything." But then we started hanging out more and more often to give each other company during some lonely times, and you can guess of course that those times I eventually grew extremely attracted to her.

One of the funny things, I usually have a low tolerance for 'floating' people socially but with her, I always enjoyed helping her out, bringing home dinner without being asked, surprising her with a trip out to eat, going out to take her somewhere to get her a surprise gift. It's not that I felt obligated, I just felt like expressing how happy she ended up making me. It ended up circulating as the more happy she slowly saw me become around her generally made her happy and want to hang around me more.

Too bad that kind of **** always happens with the people you shouldn't be involved in. It even got more depressing when I thought she was leaving the local area permanently and decided "what the hell!" and I told her how I felt, and she had similar feelings (which I could've guessed, but she had other obligations and I kept thinking "just gotta make it until she leaves, then I can do the whole unmanly cry/sob ****, sleep with some random girls to get my mind off of her, and move on about the missed chance"); only to have her visit locally again sometime later; talk about awkward at first!!! Nah, we still had tons o' fun, which made it just that much harder to deal with, as now we both know of our attraction, but she still has a whole other life that we knew she'd have to return to, and she eventually did return to it.

I've had some terrible times dealing with this, but that's because the last portion was pretty recent; I know we'll deal with it; but damn it sucks right now, ya know?

dedre dedre
31-35, M
1 Response Feb 13, 2009

Yea but it's a ***** to move on. She's only the second that I felt really good about; the first took about 7 years to finally say "Enough!" and walk away.