Last semester, I was studying in Vienna and traveling Europe. I was dating someone in the US at the time, and our relationship was pretty much ending at that point. My best friend was studying there for a semester as well, and he is from Prague. He lived in the same apartment flat complex that had lived in during my stay. We first met at a party held by a Russian group, and we immediately hit it off. The more we talked the more we had realized we were similar. Even to the point we had the same introverted needs and difficulties maintaining friends because of that. As the party ended we kept talking until 7AM that morning. He had given me enough reasons why I should break up with my ex because of what he went through a year prior with his, and he had analyzed me enough to know my relationship wasn't good for me (My ex was an extremely controlling individual, and he has threatened me before). After that, I ended that relationship.
We would have cups of tea together, and I would feel this intense connection between each other and that all I wanted to do was kiss him. Eventually, I did, and we did become a "friends with benefits" idea for at least a week and a half. After that, it felt like even more than that.
During Easter break, I traveled over to Prague to meet him where he grew up, and he showed me the city. The more we talked the more we connected, and he toured me around like I was his girlfriend. He would kiss me up and down the escalator, and on the grass at the park. He held my hand, and he threw his arm around me.
As the months carried on, we kept getting closer and closer. I eventually told him I was having intense feelings for him, and he couldn't reciprocate. He had told me he wasn't in the right place to feel that way for somebody again, but I am his most closest friend.
After that, we studied together everyday for finals, and I met a couple of his friends from Prague who barely spoke English (more German but I don't speak very good German), but they seemed really nice, and my friend really wanted me to meet them. We were inseparable. We traveled with two of my friends to Slovakia for the day, and we always snuck in kisses.
On our last day together before I had to leave the continent, and he back to Prague, he wrote a postcard to me while we were eating strudel. He had told me he originally intended on pasting a picture of us together and for me to hang on the wall, and if the postcard would fall we would still be together on the letter. We both cried all the way to the train station and that was the last time I had ever seen him.
We still talk everyday and he had written to me saying he is always imagining what it would be like if I was here, and I wrote back essentially saying the same thing.
The thing is we never established that we were in a relationship or anything. I don't even want to establish because I feel like I could lose my best friend if things got difficult with the distance. I am 21 and he is 24. I am finishing my undergraduate, and he is finishing his masters. I just don't know what to do with the time of separation until either one of us has the resources to travel and see each other. I don't want to stop loving him, but I don't want to put my life on hold to wait and see if things do develop. What do I do from here?
piperm piperm
22-25, F
1 Response Sep 2, 2014

most of people fall in love with them best friends