I'm Trapped

     There's this girl I know, who also happens to be one of my best friends. We became friends about four years ago, but only really became good friends last year. She's pretty much the perfect girl for me.  Everything about her is spectacular. She's intelligent, beautiful, funny, kind, and has good morals without being religious. I'd say that for attractiveness, my standards aren't too high, but she too gorgeous for me to describe. It goes without saying that shes way out of my league. So far as personality goes I think I'm kind of picky, but shes still perfect in that area too. Every time I see her a giant goofy smile gets slapped on my face. Shes constantly asking me "What are you so happy about?" but I'm to shy to speak out right so Ill just say something like "Can't a guy smile?"

 It's actually a little pathetic the way I feel about her. All my guy friends are contantly saying I'm whipped and make the sound of a cracking whip when they see me with her. They're right, but I don't mind. It makes me happy to make her happy. Even though I doubt she'll ever fell the same way I do, just being in her company is wonderful. I've even turned down other women because of her.

  I'm not very good at expressing myself, but today I decided to go for a risk. When at work I asked her how her weekend was and she said it was alright. She asked me and I said it was boring. I perceded to ask when we were going to hangout, because I was always bored and needed something to do. She just asked what I ment and I repeted that I never have anything to do. Then she said "oh I almost forgot" and started to do something else, something that didnt require her imediate attention as she acted. By now I was off work so I said bye, she looked at me and I don't know if she said anything, either I was too shook up about her eluding my half-assed offer at a date to hear her, or she barely spoke in a whisper.

   Now Im scarded to bring it up again. I guess I'll never have a chance with her, but I couldn't live with myself if I never said anything. It kills me inside. I hope she isn't going to avoid me now, I hope I didn't ruin evrything.

   Im such an idiot.

PorcupineMan PorcupineMan
18-21, M
4 Responses Mar 16, 2009

Yeah, she moved to Kansas and is gone forever

well it sounds like you wrote this a long time ago, any new developments?

Just ask her, like be honest, I dont think I could live with myself if I let the person I love go and never let them know my feelings. Idk you just have to ask yourself is it worth it, ya know.

Just take her to the beach dude.