I Love Her And Don't Know What I Can Do.

I am in love with my best friend. And it hurts. God but it hurts. It hurts every time I see her, every time I talk to her, every time i text her, every time I think of her. It hurts knowing that I am madly totally completely in love with her and probably always will be. And i can't tell her. She thinks of me as a closest friend, a brother nearly. But I'd take the chance and tell her if it wasn't for the state she is in. She is in such a bad place now and she needs me there as a friend. I'm not going to take the chance of changing our friendship like that, not now.  To her it seems like nothing is going right for her. In the last 2 months alone her father got caught cheating- again, shes continued to be bullied in school like she has since she was 5, a fella I know she used to like got together with her, but treated her like dirt like lads always seem to do (similar story with 3 others in the last year alone), another good ''friend'' has started to treat her like dirt- today he had her crying because he kept going on about how she was worthless and no good- all because a few months ago he tried to get with her but she doesn't like him like that and told him no, her nanny (who she loves to bits) has been brought to hospital twice recently and isn't in the best of shape,she got knifed in the face and leg by another girl last weekend plus shes trying to deal with school and her final exams in a couple of months, with her mock exams on at the moment. all that since the start of the year and its still only the tip of the iceberg with whats happened her (my other story goes on about it a bit more- its not very well written and it still doesn't cover everything but it might help give an idea of the stuff shes been through). And now, just this evening shes told me that shes not going to talk about things anymore its too hard. Shes just going to hold everything inside. that is how she always deals with things and if i try to push her to talk I'll only push her away. I'm so worried and scared right now. It's only 2 weeks ago that she was talking about suicide. I don't know what to do anymore. she has always dealt with stuff by trying to lock it away but I know her and shes still hurting just as bad except now she won't talk about it or even tell me when shes feeling bad. I want to help. I just want to be able to hold her tight and make it all go away. But I can't and I don't know what else I can do to help. I'm scared of what might happen. I don't think shell be able to handle anything more.

 

## i told her. she sees me as a friend, like a brother to her- nothing more. don't ever bother with any of this sh*t. save yourself the hassle and don't fall for anyone. don't let yourself feel anything its all f*cking bullsh*t. there ain't no happy endings. not for me anyhow.##

bigbob40 bigbob40
18-21, M
2 Responses Feb 9, 2010

I know its hard to explain but I really can't tell her at the moment . Shes relying on me too much for everything at the moment and theres a chance she could freak out if I tell her how i feel and right now I can't risk that she needs me too much. Right now I'm one of maybe 2 people that she feels she can tell anything to and theres too much at stake for her for me to risk her feeling things are different between us and she can't talk to me because of the way I feel. I know that mightn't make much sense but you would just have to know this girl to really understand what I mean. I do plan on telling her, I always have- just can't risk it at the moment for her sake. Thanks for the comment though and I understand what your saying. I do try telling her all that stuff but only as a friend's point of view, nothing more.

I've been in a remarkably similar position recently. Unfortunately, it hasn't been a happy ending for me (my love for her, that is), but I think I've helped my friend. What's wrong with telling her you love her and think she is very special? Why not let her know that you view her as a real catch and that you can't understand why any guy would take her for granted? Would it ruin your friendship to tell her that you think she is pretty, smart, kind and considerate, and that you are thankful she's your friend. She needs to know that there is nothing wrong with her and that sometimes bad things happen to good people. She needs to know that she is desirable as a friend and a woman. Isn't that what friends are for...especially when it's true? She may not fall in love (romantic love, that is) with you as a result, which is what you secretly want. But you will help your friend, and she will remain your good friend.