My Story And My Cousin

this is my story about me and my cousin. I am 5 years older than him but to my amazement we just hit it off. we were close so close that i thought "if soulmates are real then he's the one", when he reached his 18th year i realized my my feelings became stronger. For a time things were the same until last year when he started to avoid in every way he can. i was bewildered and hurt, so much that i deliberately became silent even when his birthday came and went. weeks later we began to communicate again little by little but still there's the restrain and the barrier in him. to this day things are getting better but i can't deny that it's still a shadow of our yesterdays. i'm asking myself did i loved him? i believe so or else i won't be in tears as i write this. Does he knows my secret feelings? i believe so. The hard part is i can't tell anyone about this fearing that it will do more harm than good, and surely my mother will die from the scandal it will cause (my father has departed 4 years ago and this is a taboo here in my country).
So there is no option for me but to keep it to myself, deny it if i have to, make excuses and bear it with a brave face. i don't know if i have done it convincingly but i know this: i still think of him every now and then and there are times that i tried to let go off of him without success. As of this day, i'm trying to focus on other things instead of him and it helps a lot. The main thing i'm still dealing with is this strong feelings for him, and still figuring out how to lessen it if not totally extinguish it.
spencer2129 spencer2129
31-35, F
4 Responses Jan 15, 2013

in same dang boat except my cousin lover's older than me and im way youger but you know what they say, age aint nothing but a number as long as its something you both want :)

Time is a great healer, let him go, the scandal might not be worth the pain and shame that it would bear on your family and I guess you are but close to your family. Making tough choices is all part of growing up, as the saying goes; there are many more fishes in the ocean

sorry guys i forgot to tell you. this is the first story i've posted since i've joined EP. i transferred it here because it is more appopriate. but so far, he and i still has no communication.

Time to reopen the lines of communications . See if he is willing to do that

yes, i'll give it a try again.

Just take thing slowly. If you two have to move away from the relatives. Then do that and live your life