I Have Too Become Smitten "big Time" With My Co-worker

Okay, the bottom line with this situation is I was unemployed from my job in the legal field for six months before I applied for a position within the casino world.  I got hired in the security department, went to orientation, started work on the graveyard shift and was assigned to an officer who would train me.

**     He was abrupt, serious and expected me to learn everything like "yesterday"
**     He was not appearing to be a friendly type
**     He was a hard *** in my opinion and I did not like him very much
**     He never smiled and talked about others and their work habits versus his experience
**     He put a lot of pressure on me by telling me to turn my recorder on in my head and that he was going to test me 

After a couple of weeks, he shared more about himself with me and told me I passed his test of being trustworthy because I kept the things he shared to me about others confidential.  Guess that was test number one.

He shared with me that he knew all about what I brought to the table as a security officer through my previous work as a judge and that he used to be a police officer.  We shared many a story about law enforcement/legal matters.

He told me that he found attractive and what attracted him to me was my knowledge about things he knew about and we had that in common.  He could ask me anything and I would have an answer he was seeking out.  That my company was refreshing and he would follow that with his kids and wife.  (What that had to do with the conversation I don't know)

We became so compatible that we walked together at work, had lunch together, talked forever in the parking lot after work.  He started to smile more and even laugh because other co-workers said that he never smiled, talked, joked or laughed.  At this point in time, about nine months had transpired and I started feeling giddy about him.  Started thinking about him more when on my own time.  He made me smile and soon I felt like I was falling in love with him; that we were so compatible yet we were both married.  We are so much alike; no, we are alike.  It's like we are one person.  I love being around him and can't wait to see him.  He tells me of his wife but not her name.  Says she is a teacher who makes $70K per year and uses it against him because we are being paid peanuts compared to her wage.  To me, he is not complaining but I see this as a power thing for her to use on him; that she's the boss because she's the bread winner.  She is high maintenance, works long hours, gets home at 6:30 pm, dinner and then goes to her office and stays in there doing her "work" until 10:30 or 11:00 every night.  I have a friend who is a teacher and I asked her if she works like that in her daily preparation for school.  She said "never" and stated what she does but it's completed by school's end.  My friend while meaning well, is suspicious that this woman may be having an affair especially if she's accusing him of things.

We exchanged phone numbers at his request shortly before Christmas.  He called me once and we talked about politics, history and the job we both applied for and talked for 3 hours.  Boy, did it not seem like 3 hours.  I didn't want it to end but it was nearing 6:30 pm and the wife would be home soon.  However, he said it was okay to call him anytime day or night and he would answer.  I texted him once.  Not too long after that, he called me after his wife went to work one morning and asked that I never call or text him again because his wife didn't like it that we were talking.  She had been checking his phone all along and was very angry.  He was quiet towards me at work for a few weeks after that.  I mean it was like I didn't exist and I guess it was for good reason.  It hurt my feelings though.  I really grew to like him so much.  

We talk so much at work about everything.  He is now beginning to make contact with me; by that, I mean when he talks, he pats me on the back, he touches the back of my elbow or he points his finger while touching my forearm.  I guess we play these games without knowing it and I"m noticing.  That is, when he doesn't talk to me, I do the same.  I talk to the other officers and act like he's not there.  When everyone's done talking, then he stands there for a moment before walking over to me.  Then we are inseparable the rest of the day.  He reiterates to me that I"m the only one who he can talk to or ask anything because I'm the only one who has an answer or even understands what he's saying.  He finds that attractive.  He uses that word a lot.  He likes to talk about himself and what he used to do as a cop.  He likes that I listen and that I have input about situations of the legal sense.  I laugh at all his jokes and there are times I just want him all to myself at work.  We talk about applying for other jobs outside the casino but now I would not want to leave him.  I talk about going back to my former job.  He continues to ask me to never forget him if I move on in the job world and that he wants to remain close to me.  

I don'think he feels the same as I do.  I know I am in love with him.  i can't stop thinking about him day or night.  I wish he would call me to talk.  It has me depriving my own spouse.  He excites me and I just lose my breath when I see him just like little teenaged girl.  I know the answer is to stay away from him.  Don't act on my wishes.  Never tell him how I feel because I know he doesn't feel the same.  There's too much for us to lose where our lives are concerned.  I have a 15 year old and a 3 year old at home along with the hubby who I have just lost that loving feeling for.  He is not "Dave".  My hubby is the complete opposite and we have virtually nothing in common.  We've been together for 11 years.  I feel like I"m just with him for companionship sometimes.  How I feel is definitely not fair to my hubby and I know I'm probably just selfish. But I can't help it.   "Dave" has a 16 year old son and a 13 year old daughter and a demanding $70K a year wife at home.  Our lives would be shot if we acted.  I know that this will never happen.  But I love him so much..or am in lust after him..the sight of him excites me so. He is dark, he's got a built "cop" body that goes on, and a respectful demeanor.  He is just a darling, good looking guy.  I would do anything for him.  I support him 100% and I will defend him to the death because that is how strongly I feel.   Oh, and I am 8 years older than him which makes him 39 and me 47.  There is so much more I can talk about but I will stop here.  I want him so much!  I think to myself that I would be content for the rest of my life if he'd just kiss me and tell me how he really feels.  What to do.  I must be crazy nuts!  

crazy4dave crazy4dave
1 Response May 18, 2012

Hey I was just wondering how you coped with this situation? And how are you now?