I felt in love with her on day one since she joined the team. I gave it some time since it could've been just a crush but it didn't go away. We've worked together quite closely and she's been absolutely amazing. We got to know each other over time and my feelings got more serious.

Issues - we're both currently in a relation ship, mine is not working well, hers seems to be good. We make an awesome team together since we achieved a lot and that might be at risk if I make a move. I'm not very happy in my current relation ship and I'm considering break up either way.

I'm not sure how she feels about me as I'm getting mixed signals. I know she respects me a lot, we spend lot of time together, we hugged few times, we expressed how much we value each other, we communicate a lot, both offline and online. She likes to be close to me, touch me or hug me. Once she told me she had dreamed about me. She keeps telling me how happy she is that I'm there but all of that can be purely professional. My instinct tells me that there's more, yet my emotions make it hard to observe clearly.

I'm going crazy. I dream of her, I'm having hard time staying calm and focused when she's around, and the more I discover about her the more I'm interested in her. I'm desperately trying to find anything that would make it easier to stop loving her.

I'm thinking of several things:

1) Try to figure out her feelings or at least get signals without revealing whole truth at first. In case I'm sure it's a no-go it might save all of us some trouble. Question is how to do it - even if she feels anything towards me, it would make sense to hide it. This is what I'm currently doing as it's safe. How can I get better sense about her?

2) Suck it up and move on. I can't have everything and this might be one of those things. I hate this option but it's a legit one.

3) Be a superhero and go for it no matter what. Just tell her. Worst case I'll change teams (company is big enough). I rarely regret things I did, I often regret things I didn't do. I know I'll always wonder what would happen if I'd told her. I really want to share my feelings but all the dangers around are holding me back.

What's your experience? What should I ask myself or what can I do to minimize risks of hurting other people or complicate their lives?
nopeandnope nopeandnope
31-35, M
4 Responses Aug 24, 2014

I can tell you what's helped me. It's easy to take notice of the things you like about this person but remind yourself of the things you don't too. The deal breaker if you will.

when I read this after my post I can't help but wonder if my coworker has all these thoughts running through his mind too. what if you're him and i'm her...? so many similarities in your story... wouldn't that be just wild! may the odds be ever in our favour.

P/S I know the chances are really slim but I like entertaining the thought in my head.

I'm guilty of that too lol

Be a superhero and go for it!! :)
The way you describe your relationship with her currently sounds like you could tell her anything and also sounds like she may be hiding the same kind of feelings for you too.
You said something that is bang on “I rarely regret things I did, I often regret things I didn't do” I agree 100%
I’m actually going through this same thing funny enough and I am going to tell him but I’m just trying to figure out the perfect timing and words to say it - Lol
Life is short!! And don’t ever mess with love ... if you feel it in your heart then take the chance!!!

I can understand what you are going though man. Damn if you do and damn it you don't. Break it off with your current relationship. Be single man. Maybe that will send some signal her way. Wait till the projects you are on her with are over. So you don't sink those projects. Slowly flirt with her when you talk or have e-mails or texts. But to it on the sly. Ware down her walls. Maybe down the road something will happen man. If nothing happened it was worth a shot.