I Am Falling For My Friend, But I Got Married Last Year
Over the past few weeks, I have been thinking increasingly about one of my best guy friends. My realization started with a dream. In the dream, I was cuddling him. No sex or even sexual feelings really (in the dream at least), just a lot of affection. When I woke up I thought a lot about it. I felt bad for having had the dream, and convinced myself it was just a dream that didn't mean anything. He came over later that night with several other friends to hang out for the afternoon with my husband and me. I congratulated myself for not acting weird.
Since then, I've thought of him some, mainly just realizing that I really care about him.
Then, this past week, I spent a lot of time with him because we were both at a conference. We talked a lot, got to know each other more. I thought a lot about my husband and our incompatibilities. I thought about my friend and how compatible our life trajectories and outlook are. By the way, nothing happened. And by the way, my friend has a lt girlfriend. We talked about my relationship, we talked about his. Both have some serious issues.
Anyhow, I know it is seriously wrong, but I think I might be falling in love with him. I can't really help my feelings. What I can help is what I do about it, and I'm not sure what the right thing is. If both my friend and I feel that we could be happy together (and I don't actually know how he feels, but I got some vibes), maybe the right thing is to be together? We'd only be hurting our partners by staying with them even though we are into someone else. At the same time, I know how incredibly painful this would be for my husband. It's complicated. I don't know right now how much I'm thinking too much about something that could be less than it really is. I don't know for sure how he feels. Right now his girlfriend is with him visiting his family. In a few days she goes back to the other side of the world where she lives most of the year for her work.