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I Love My Professor. I May Have A Chance.. What Should I Do?

In my third Year of college.. I met my professor 2 months ago from today. He has been on my mind all day every day since day one. I have always been confident when it came to men. It has never been hard for me to find a potential lover; ah but this piece of work.. what a challenge. He is the most beautiful, wonderful creature that has ever walked on this planet. The moment I met him, I knew I was in love. From the minute I open my eyes until I fall asleep, he is constantly on my mind. It has become to an obsessive can't eat and can't sleep kind of thing. Every time I leave the house, I hope to see him out. I look him up online and gather up as much personal information as I can so I can maybe find some relations between us. I have started listening to his music and watching his favorite movies. He does not know that I love him.. which utterly kills me ever day. I cry myself to sleep over him. After I leave his class, I cry when I drive home to my boyfriend... because I know I am not going home to the one I love. The good thing is, I think he may have feelings for me too. Since this is college, I have the advantage of being older and possibly having a higher chance. He is single, so I don't have to deal with the barrier of him having a wife.. I always make sure that I am dressed like a 10 when I go to his class. I always give him a seductive look... I participate in his class... I ask many questions, and I help the other students in the class... I will sometimes just make up an excuse just to see him in his office. He has provided me with multiple signs that he is interested in me too. He asked me personally via email if he could call me by a nickname (not giving any specific personal info). The way he looks at me will just make one's heart melt. I know he finds me attractive, no doubt. He has given me some extra help on tests that others were not given (cheat sheets). He knows a lot about me because we occasionally talk via email... He told the class out loud that I have influence him to cut down on the meat (i'm a vegetarian).. I have a list of about 10 things that have given me signs of his mutual feelings.. But I don't know what to do about it. I just can't stand going another day putting myself through so much torture. I want to be with him so bad... I connect with him. I can read him and he can read me. The second day of class, I told him that I noticed he looked stressed.. he smirked, and admitted he was and explained why. A couple weeks later, I was going through a hard time with my relationship, and he noticed the sadness on my face, and asked me if everything was okay.. I just can't get enough of this man. I may be over twenty... but he is a bit older than me.. He is 41, but looks like he's 28... no lie!!! (which is ridiculous!) He looks like the male version of me too. I don't know if he truly feels the same way.. I'm just so happy to actually feel these feelings of ecstasy. He is in my dreams and fantasies... and I never want him to leave. I love him. What should I do?
mlelueez mlelueez 18-21, F 17 Responses Mar 3, 2011

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I'm practically going through the same thing.. ah! I'm not going to lie I'm happy I found this site. I can relate to most of you so well. And so I thought I was alone on this one. I too feel I'm in love with one of my professors, I'm 19 and I just started college for the first time. Ive never though of these kinds of relationships.. but its happened, I first started off the semester hating his guts! He seemed strict, unfair and a total game changer. Then one day I went HIGH to class and I don't know what happened, I was performing a scene and I needed a pencil to change somethings on my script and so he offered i'd take his and as I took the pencil alway from his hands, our hands met and touched, but.. not just a quick swap, I felt very different, I felt most of the creases on his hands and I melted, and I know he was connected. I remember me handing the pencil back to him and he held my hand as he grabbed the pencil and stayed there touching and feeling my hand for a while, or at least it felt like forever to me (I don't know if I was able to paint the picture well enough, but it was a special moment for me). Things defiantly did change after that day, we would stare at each other constantly and flirt with our eyes, Its been the most romantic thing. We communicate through the work, he usually indirectly says something, on how he feels and he'll deliver it indirectly and I listen and pretend to look away, but I am listening, always. Others haven't notice which is great. I really like this man, and I've though of a possible future with him.. but before I thought of those things I thought about how he made me feel and still does, He's different to me then how he is to the rest of the class. This man is charming and all but he's married... And It hurts, I feel we have a strong connection, as if I've meet him before, like in another life. I mean i'm not one to believe these things but It simply feels like that. He makes me smile like no one does, Our incognito relationship I felt was becoming so real that at the time I had a boyfriend whom I was with for approximately four years, I left him.. We had other issues lingering on and so I thought it was the perfect time to end things. Plus I didn't like the whole idea of being with someone and likeing someone else, a lot. I liked thinking of the idea of me and the professor and so I called it off and later explained why. The issue here as I said earlier is that fact that his married, he even as a daughter my age, I know all of these factors make him uncomfortable, plus he seems like a very traditional family guy... I know for a fact that these things are affecting him, probably just the "what if" thought of being with me, It takes so much, like practically breaking your family apart. I dislike the sound of that and the thought that I could possibly destroy it. I have not spoken to him about this at all, only because I'm afraid of course and because I know there is no need, I know he knows. I mean two people just don't stare so long into each others eyes with HELLA SUB TEXT. And I read that ****. haha! So good luck too me, I'm onto semester number two and I have him this semester as well. K xx

I too am currently living with this issue. In my eyes, the man I speak of is utter perfection. He goes entirely out of his way for his students, especially for myself. I thought highly of him as a professor to begin with, but the feelings grew and blossomed into much more. The sound of his voice and his glowing smile never once leave my minds eye. My classmates believe him to be plain and boring, but to me, he is anything but. In class, I can feel his eyes on me more often than not. I do not sense lust, but curiosity and admiration. It makes my heart pound so hard that it almost hurts. Recently I became so desperate to be near him that I scheduled an appointment to meet with him outside of office hours to ensure that there would be plenty of time. He always looks so nice in his suits he wears to class, but when I walked into his office, my heart skipped several beats. There he sat with his glasses on (He always wears contacts) in jeans, a tshirt, and tennis shoes. His blonde hair was messy and his smile lit up the entire room. It was his day off and he had never looked more human and beautiful. Without his jacket I couldn't help but notice the soft freckles covering his arms. It nearly brought me to my knees. We talked for hours about everything from class to our hopes and dreams. He opened up and poured himself out to me. He even confessed how afraid he was of teaching my class because it is not his expertise. He got nothing graded, and I missed work, but it was well worth it. Before I left he leaned in and brushed an eyelash from just below eye. It made me weak. He has promised to do everything that he can to help me improve my studies and get into grad school, so I will probably never pursue him. I would never want to breach our trust or endanger his career, but I do love him. My heart swells in his presence, and I would do anything for him. Although I would give absolutely anything to be with this man, for now I simply try my absolute hardest in his class and earn as much of his respect as I can. Maybe one day my dream will come to fruition, but until then, he never leaves my mind. I am smitten, and for that reason, my heart aches, but love is patient.

I am 19 years old Student and he's 27, and i have the same situation but not really the same things you wanna do, I'm not gonna lie, to see all that beauty and those bright green eyes in front of you isn't really cute thing cause it will get you a desperate falling in love situation, you do like him right , but you don't go to tell him about your wild feelings that you got for him, you don't break the rules by texting him or treating him like a real good friend even thou it hurts inside but you have to keep that distance between you he may be ignoring you it's just because he knows what kinda trouble to fall in love with you is, Men have hearts too, who doesn't ? so he trys to find some good impression in you instead of love , you have to be creative and talented at something that it will blow his mind but for sure he will keep these good impression about you secretly till the right time, till the right moment it's dangerous , you can't stop your heart from being extremly in love but ofcourse you can control it till the right moment , good luck hope you really get the man you love, you don't have to force yourself to love a disgusting somebody else

Uh yeah, this guy is an unethical p.o.s. and I bit of a creeper if you ask me. lol via email: "Hey there, this may sound strange, but I'd really like to call you bunny muffin from now on. Oh, and here are all the answers to the upcoming exam. Shhh, our little secret BM.."

I am a professor and can offer you our perspective. The fact that he gives you cheat sheets and not others is WRONG. It is unethical in our profession. Also, any good professor would NEVER date a current student. I care deeply for my students. It is my job to help them academically and prepare them for life in the "real world", including problem solving such as this. It is up to professors to maintain boundaries for the safety of our students... just like it is for therapists and their patients. There is a huge power differential in both cases. Doing anything with you could get him fired. If you still feel strongly about him after you graduate, then it would be more (but not completely) appropriate to pursue a relationship. If he is a good, ethical professor, you should be able to discuss your feelings with him without judgement, and he should be able to help you through these feelings or guide you to appropriate resources. I've been on both sides of this issue, so I know how strong those feelings can be. I've had troubled, thankful, and long-term students give me hugs before and I welcome them. If I see a student having a rough time, I might ask them if they'd like a hug (other profs would never do so). I've hugged professors I've loved in the past. But sex is a whole new ball game. Any sort of sex/sexual touching/sexual talk that a professor has with a current student is a huge red flag that signals that professor could be dangerous and severely harm you emotionally. I hope this thread helps someone at some point. Good luck and be cautious!
---Professor R

you don't love him. using adjectives like "ecstasy" and "fantasies" really only imply that you want to **** him. you even said "... barrier of having a wife." you're just saying that when you want to **** a man you have to be "tortured" over the "barrier" of his God-witnessed commitment. there is, however, no doubt in my mind that you are obsessed with this man. but love and obsession are two things that are on an awkward position in the human-relations emotional spectrum. get a ******* grip. the only reason he's nice to you is because you're a **** trophy that he's managed to keep enrolled for longer than 2 weeks that makes him look like a competent educator in front of all his other real students (you know, student - a person in an academic facility or apprentice to a trade - not a disposable *** dumpster. you're willing to flat out cheat on your own boyfriend just to get your vag hosed. it's insulting that people like you try to tell the rest of us what true love is when all you do is go to his class so you can dressed up. for a vegetarian you sure eat a lot of meat. he's no better than you are. if he wanted to **** you he would've already. don't worry about making your intentions clear. i promise you he knows he can access that $8.00 all-you-can-eat buffet.

Hey mlelueez, I know what you are going through too... at first I was worried sick because the person I was in love with was married. Please don't take me wrong when I say what I am about to say, this worked for me, this may not work for you, in my case, I was not truly in love with him. I was only infatuated, one reason my relationship did not and should not have worked out is because he was married. The other reason was I had an issue, I was seeking to replace him as a father figure. I do not know if you have that same problem, if you do, if you find yourself getting mostly attracted to older men, then you will never find satisfaction in any relationship. If not, if you are mature and have a good judgement unlike me, and if you are sure that you mutually have feelings for each other, then go ahead. I am sure things will happen naturally but it would be a lot more easier and better as soon you break up with your boyfriend. All the best! Tell me if it works out, I'll be happy for you!

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Sorry I wanted to post something but did not know how. anyway , this is an old post but I am surprised how we go through similar situation. I am deeply in love with my prof. The class is over about 4 weeks ago. However, he continues to me in my mind, my thoughts , I see him in everything. I dont know how this will stop. I do not know if I ever find the courage to contact him since I do not know why he does not make the move first! maybe it is because of prof-student boundaries!! I know for sure that he likes me and he gave me signs that he was interested in me! I cannot be wrong, there signs you cannot miss. We never spoke about love and I respected him and avoid any situation that could put him in bad situation, I was a good student, but it killed me to hide the love I have for him. Please if anyone is reading , I think I will go crazy if I don't speak to him or see him. I am very shy and nervous. WHat should I do. I love him so much. The love I experience for him is something I never had in my life! Sometimes I think of him and cry... I am sure the attraction was mutual but why he does not contact me??!!! I am sure I will never have any other class with him... But I will continue to go to the same college. what should I do? please help...

OMG i feel the same way... same situation, i'm in love with my profesor, hes 26 and im 19, when he first entered the class i couldnt take the eye of him , he was so adorable, his deep blue eyes were so amazingly beautifull,.. every week on his seminaries i lookes deep into his eyes and he looked back, i had the impresion that he felt something to me... he used to smile to me....
Once i entered the class first, he was already there, he said hi but when i sat he left the room, and came in only with the student(boy) , he asked him bout exams , if he did well... well i made the concllussion he was ignoring me...
he knew my name... i was a good student . i cant say in 100% if he likes me cause he's too shy , at least i know that he doesnt have a gf. 2 days ago i texted him and started chatting with him , he had to leave the conversation soon, after 40 minutes, on goodbeye he said that we will contact later, and that gave me the hope, but i dont know still what to thing , imade my first step and im waiting for him to make a step back.... im so so desperatelly in love with him....

Hi Typi, you are lucky, you got the chance to chat, I sincerely wish you good luck.

thanks a lot !! and i think you should find caurige to text him, he's a pro. so he may be scared of making a first step, you should put yourself in his situation. if he gives you noticable signs that means he likes you, but be careful with the illusions, i my own couldnt understand the reall signs and i thought i was going crazy... and my last advise, if you have a chanse to talk to him, just do it, smile , be nice , show him that you have a feeling to him, and ooh remember one that taking chanses is better than not knowing..

TYPI thank you for your advice and encouragement, I will do and will let you know. I want to know like you say, I want my mind to be in peace and I am going to make an effort and contact him.

Same feeling.... same story dear.. and also i still have 1 semester to graduate.. am thinking of continuing my masters degree...perhaps i can have reasons to contact him....dont know what excuses we can make in order to create situations...if u discovered anything...any step.. tell me

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Oh lord. You have a boyfriend. No matter what you do don't cheat on him. Yeah it's possible to fall in love with someone else while you are in a relationship. Be a good friend to your professor. Do you want to break up with your boyfriend and date your professor? There is an age gap too. My ex- husband is 24 years older than me. Yes I loved him with all my heart but the age gap got in the way. He came from a different generation. It's just that he is older and didn't want the same things that I wanted. Just some things to think about.

I was nearly in tears reading this. I feel the same for my lecturer. I believe he finds me attractive and he is the most beautiful human being I have ever seen, I am not exaggerating. I really am not. Anyway how did this situation pan out? I saw that you wrote it a year or so ago. Did you ever tell him?

Omg I feel you no lie :)just say to him like a hint ," my friend absolutely loves you.she wants to be with you, honest what shall I tell her you said," than hopefully he should see it's really you. So good luck and well done if you do it I know I'll never get to that because I'm scared of what he'll say. But go on girl get him :)(btw I'm sorry if this a little latter than your post):)

I'd like to know what, if anything became of this.. I went through and am still going through this situation. I actually contacted my former prof two months after the class ended and we actually met in person and it turned into a date. My situation turned out to be a little sticky, but I'm still thinking about him and I can't help it. We also had a very similar chemistry like the one you've described...

Omg. I know thss post is way far back in 2011. But how do u reconnext or strike a convo with ur ex professor? As in you will not see him anywhere else except when you go to college right? You messaged him? But was his reaction positive after ur first message? What did you message him for the first time when you left college? So Sorry. I'm too confused and upset cos I left college and missed him alot. I'm 23, hes 40 and single.

oh.. what could i say to you...I feel the same for a professor of was always easy for me to be with the men that I wanted but in this case it is so hard..I don't know what he is thinking or feeling... he has given me some signs but maybe he is feeling unsecure same as me... I just need him

Isn't it a bummer? I'm playing the patient game right now. I've projected my focus towards my studies and work, rather than allow him to flow through my brain every single second. I've managed to minimize it to every minute. lol.

I am in a similar situation as well...

thank you for sharing this. i know your feelings so well: i am in a very similar situation.

Thank you :) I appreciate your honesty and your input.