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Impossible Love

"Thanks for being such a neat kid!"

"I will -always- remember you! Have a great high school time and beyond! ♥"

God I love her so freaking much. I remember the first time I seen her. She was wearing a fuzzy pink sweater, bootcut jeans, and uggs. Shes so stupid. It was mid-September. Maybe earlier than that. Around September 6th-15th. My first thought, "What a dork." The whole year the class was out of control, no one listened to a thing she said. The principal continuously came in to calm us down. No one liked her. I was no one. We were supposedly her best class. Heh. I specifically remember when she gave out a rainbow prism light thingy (she was a science teacher) to this one stupid kid. He shined it on her butt. It looked nice. She had a nice butt by the way. I don't even know -how- I fell in love with her, or was even attracted to her in the first place. She isn't the most prettiest person in the world, I must admit. Shes not overweight, but shes not skinny either. Shes about as flat as me, even flatter. Shes young but has white roots in blond hair. She sort of dresses tacky, too. And has a really terrible laugh. But shes beautiful in my eyes. I love how I can talk to her about anything and everything. I just love her. Even though I make fun of her half the time, with my best friend, its to cover up the love I have for her... It just makes me so sad knowing she won't reply to anything I sent her. :/ Shes the one person I thought that cared when no one else did. For some reason, I felt she shared the same feelings.. She needed me as much as I need her. God I need her.
"I've been afraid of changing cause I've built my life around you."
No one really understands WHY I feel for her like this. I believed that she'd always be here for me. I guess not...Not anymore. I miss her stupid annoying laugh. I miss the way her arms jiggled when she reached to hug me. I miss those long talks we had, that made me feel better.

"It will ALWAYS get better."

She helped me recover from my depression. I have low-self esteem, and whenever I was around her I felt beautiful. She said I was beautiful. I believed it. Since I stopped seeing her I became depressed and starting cutting myself again.
I just want to see her one more time.
MerbLover MerbLover 13-15, F 2 Responses Oct 15, 2011

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Thank you. she is married, and I have a feeling that she could be bisexual. I've been on debating on telling her, but i'm afraid she wouldn't want me to ever see her again, or want me to contact her.

Please don't cut yourself. :( I know you love her but she wouldn't want this for you. You're still off limits to her. Is she married? Gay? Bisexual? Just try to do things that will help take your mind off of her. Do things you love. Take up a new hobby. Meet new people. If you still feel this way when you're 18 and out of high school, then feel free to tell her how you feel. It won't be wrong but she may or may not feel uncomfortable with the revelation. My teacher was and we don't talk anymore. It's been two years and it's still difficult moving on. But I'm trying. Your teacher wouldn't want you to self-harm. She wants you to be happy. She knows that you're a strong person. She believes in you. Be strong for her. Be happy for her.