Crying Inside

Every day its getting harder for me going to school.I feel so sad and depressed that the only thing i wanna do is crying.I dont know how to go to him and talk to him.Every day that i see him he seems to be happy and talks to everyone.Today when the lesson finished and we were ready to leave i saw him in the other classroom and i went to him just to ask him how he is but one boy came to ask him something about a test and we were talking about this test,i also asked him about one question of the test and i told him that i hadnt done well in this test and he told me to study more.(he was talking to me normally and explaining the test.what hurt me the most is that he was explaining normally and i was staring at him.while he was looking at me my heart was beating so fast and i couldnt breath and i was shaking.i was talking to him and i was laughing while inside of me i was crying).When i see him sometimes on the hall and say hello to him or talk to him he talks normally to me and smiling and kidding and that hurts me because he looks at me so "empty" like nothing has happened although he knows how i feel about him and he can see it from the way im looking at him but it doesnt mean anything to him:(.and when i ask him something i smile and i seem to be fine but its not true.I am dying inside.When i got home today i was crying because of what happened before and every day i want to cry.I am so sad that i dont feel like doing anything.
tornadoAZ13 tornadoAZ13
18-21, F
4 Responses Nov 23, 2011

How does he know? You told him?<br />
I know how you feel though. When I don't get to spend time with him I feel like he wasn't even there that day. Then when I get home I want to just sleep the rest of the day away hoping that the next he'll be back to talking with me. One ti e it was a busy week and I felt like he was ignoring me, even though I know he wasn't, but it still hurt when he was laughing and joking with my frienemey instead of me.<br />
Only difference is that my teacher doesn't know, and if he does he's not showing it because from time to time he will flirt back for the hell of it.

thank you for your answer.!yes i have told him and i even wrote him a letter in which i told him about my feelings but he didnt do anything not even talk to me and reject me gently thats why i want to talk to him for the last time.but i dont get to see him easily and i dont know how to go to him.Also it hurts so much when he ignores me.I also when i get home and go to sleep i dream of him and hoping that he will notice me but...:(For you i would suggest that you should talk to him and let him know about your feelings because i think that when you finish school and cant see him you will regret it if you dont do least you can feel fine with yourself.

Awe, that's sad. I really hope you can talk to him, it's painful when you can't. I dream of mine too, it's awful!

I might, someday, maybe before I graduate just in case. I plan to keep in touch with him if he allows, we have each other's phone numbers so it'll be cool if we do. You're right though, I had only one other teacher crush and I never told him, I did regret it.

thank you.yes its really painful all this situation and i want so much to talk to him for the last time but its difficult this year.i think that it would be great for you if you keep in touch after school and that you have each others phone numbers and i really hope you can tell him about your feelings.i wish i could keep in touch with my teacher after school and had his phone number but...i dont and when i think that when i finish school i wont see him again that kills me:(

Don't give up trying to change your feelings for him in a positive direction. In the meantime, try to distract yourself with friends. I know this is hard. I know that your heart may not listen to what your head is telling you. Keep trying.

thank you.I try to distract myself with other things but i cant make it.i cant stop thinking about him and his rejection has ruined my life and i cant enjoy anything and i think i will never be happy because of this.but at least i want to talk to him for the last time to tell him everything i feel so i can be fine with myself but it seems to be so difficult..

One, he probably is afraid that if he treats you differently because of your feelings that he will inadvertently lead you on, and it will only hurt you more later when you realize that a romantic relationship is impossible.<br />
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I know that your feelings are overwhelming. In science, you have Newton's three laws, right? An ob<x>ject at rest will stay at rest unless a force causes it to move. An ob<x>ject in motion will stay in motion unless a force acts on it and causes it to stop. To stop an ob<x>ject in motion, you have to exert a force equal to the force of it's motion. However, to change the direction of an ob<x>ject in motion takes far less energy. I find the same applies to people, to beliefs, to feelings.<br />
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Your feelings are powerful, and STOPPING those feelings may take a lot of time and energy. However, to CHANGE those feelings is much easier.<br />
<br />
I always say: There are MANY kinds of love, and only ONE of those kinds is romantic love. We love our parents, our friends, our favorite uncle, our pets, our siblings, our neighbors, and sometimes all of humankind. And most of those loves get along just fine without ever being about romance or physical attraction. Instead of stopping your love for this man: try to change it's direction. Recognize that this is a person you deeply admire and respect. Appreciate him for what he is. Love him, not with romantic love or physical attraction. Love him as a student, loving a teacher who inspires them. Believe me, good teachers love their students, almost as much as they love their own children sometimes. But it's not a romantic love. It's not attraction. It's respect and appreciation and admiration. It doesn't have to be more than that.<br />
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So, long story short: don't try to stop your feelings. Instead, try to MOVE your feelings, channel them into a productive direction. You'll feel a lot better.

thank you for your answer.!I understand that he doesnt want to encourage me and he wont do anything thats why he treats me only like a student but that hurts me so much.Because this is the first time i feel this way and my feelings for him are so strong that when he treats me like a student i feel like its not enough for me.i really love him and i want him to take my feelings in serious and i dont want him to treat me like all the other children but differently because im the one who loves him.i have tried your advice to change my feelings to make myself believe that its not important but i didnt make it because every time i see him i feel so attracted to him and this is so strong and what i feel for him is really strong that hurts me so much:(....thank you for your advice.!

I am sorry that you feel that way. However you have to relaize that he probably a lot older than you and a teacher. So nothing between you two most likely will never happen. I am sorry to sound so blunt but you have to get over him or else you drive yourself insane. I know its hardbut it will get better over time. Just hang in there

thank you for your answer!i know that i should get over him and that nothing can happen but i just want him to take my feelings in serious and it seems so hard to me to get over him because i have never felt this way before and its soooo hard for me all this:(.