I Had A Thought.....Sooo.....I had a thought. It might be something, it might be nothing. It might be something that is best to pretend is nothing, or it might be nothing that I'll pretend is something in an attempt to turn it into something. But anyway, the other day, I was reading that book....erm.....don't judge.....but I was reading 50 Shades of Grey. By the way, it's no where near as great as it's worked up to be. Especially in the eyes of true writers. But anyway, if you're not familiar with the idea of the book, it's basically about this fresh college grad girl who's really intelligent and a virgin, and this rich guy who's into being super dominant in the bedroom meets her and gets her to agree to be his sex slave for a while. Anyway, as I was reading, the relationship and interactions underneath the sex between the two main characters started to look familiar. The book is written in first person from the girl's point of view, and she described in depth (sort of, considering the author's lack of writing skill) the way he would look at her when he was turned on. She described it as a stern, scary, burning look. As she described it a little more, along with how she felt, I began getting flashbacks of my teacher. Sometimes, I used to see him giving me these looks that really frightened me. They looked stern, frightening, burning, just like described in the book. That just got me thinking a little bit, and then as I read on, he said something to her about how he thought she was a natural born submissive, which turned him on, and how he wasn't so sure anymore, which turned him on even more. He thought that because in the beginning, like before they even started having sex, she was really shy with him, and really respectful, and just kinda said yes to evertything. But now as she got to know him a little better, she was getting a little more confident, and was beginning to talk back a little bit. Again, that looked familiar. Especially when I first met him, I was so super shy and quiet around him, but as time went by, I got a little sassier and more confident. But still I was mostly quiet and shy, and forever feeling like I was shrinking when he asked me a question. Again, just something to think about.
Another thing that's kind of interesting is that the dominant man in that book, absolutely hate to be touched, which is part of what makes him like to bound and cuff his slaves. Now, I don't know this for sure, but I'm pretty sure my teacher also hates to be touched. You know how occassionally when somebody hands you something your fingers brush? Well I sat in the front row in his class, so when he handed out papers, I was one of the ones that had to accept them from him. He always seemed to hold his hand and the papers so that it would be pretty hard for our hands to touch, and when they did brush, he would always whip his hand away really fast. Also, when he handed back graded papers, even if I would start to reach out to take them from him, he would often toss them onto my desk, and I'm pretty sure he did that to everybody else too.
Other than that creepy, intimidating, but still sexy staring thing that he does occassionally, I see him staring at me all the time. Sometimes, the tops that I would wear at school weren't exactly conservative, and I can't tell you how many times, during lectures, while we're watching a movie, while passing in the halls, that I saw him pause, and just stare. Stare at my chest. If I wasn't wearing a revealing top, and I wasn't looking at him, he would stare at my face. Even when he was doing something or talking to someone else, he would stare at me all the time. At track practice too, while I would run, I would look over and see him standing there at the edge of the track, looking right at me, and it would make me feel really insecure. I would wonder if I was doing something wrong and he was looking at me and feeling disgust. Or if he was marveling at how ugly I am. It used to freak me out. But now I have a new theory about those confusing looks ;) My track uniform was way too small for me, but they were just made for skinny girls, and I'm not fat, but I have big bones, big leg muscles, and definite curves, so you can imagine how the dark green tank top and extremely short shorts might've looked on me. I got my uniform for the first time on picture day, because I was out the day they were distributed a few weeks ago. While I was out in the shed with another coach, helping me and some others get a uniform, the rest of the team was hanging in the bleachers with "him". I was the last to get mine and everyone else had gone back to the team by the time I had gotten my uniform. I went to the bathroom and changed, and when I looked in the mirror, I got really nervous. The top was super tight in the chest, and then super loose in the stomach, and the bottoms had a really long crotch, but really tiny actual pant parts, so I had to roll them up even shorter than they already were in order to not get a rash. I walked out and onto the bleachers, and as soon as I stepped up, his head turned from the skinny little girl who looked normal in her uniform that was talking to him, and just looked right at me. I could feel his eyes all over my body, and see his mouth dropping open a bit. At first I freaked and got all insecure again, but then I got excited at the effect I had on him lol. I walked by and saw his head turn, and heard the girl just blab on about whatever. He couldn't take his eyes off of me that day, and whenever we had meets, I knew that he looked at me a whole lot. Especially when we crouched down before the race in that ready, set, go position ;).
But anyway, I always suspected that he was sexually attracted to me, but now I'm almost sure after reading that book. And I'm wondering about the possibilities of him thinking about Dom/Sub with me, because he is a bit of a control freak, and seems like the kind of guy who might enjoy that ;). I'm not saying that I'm freaked he's gonna come onto me or anything, and I'm trying hard not to sound full of myself, or like I'm jumping to conclusions. It's just something I've been pondering more than usual lately. Am I just being insane?
MickeyGrl 16-17, F 1 Jul 21, 2012