It's LoveI hate when people say I'm "lusting" over him. It's like shut the f--- up! I get it, you don't see what I see. You only see a teacher who is supposedly not attractive whatsoever and has a boring, monotone voice.
I have never once had saw him as that. I never saw him as a teacher. I only see him as someone so beautiful and handsome and someone I know I must be destined to be with.
Lust is when you only think physically of him/her. Yeah, I have MANY sexual fantasies about him... Us. But it's not all the time. Most of time it's just us talking or laughing or just looking longingly into his green/blue almost gray eyes.
Want to know what I see in him? I don't just see a beautifully-handsome man. I see artwork. I see someone who I want/can be myself around. Who I can tell everything too. Who I can protect even when he protects me. I see someone so great that actually has the ability and patience to teach me. He makes me want to be the best and I love that. I love how polite he is and when he gets mad he fidgets and when he gets nervous his eyes move around a lot and when he smiles he bites his bottom lip first and then smiles. I love the way his eyes glisten in the sunlight and when he gets stressed he rolls around in his chair and plays with his hair. I love everything about him.
When I hear his voice or see him, I stop wherever I am and stare, I can't help it anymore. It hurts but it also brings me so much joy to see or be with him. And when I'm with him it's like everything goes away and my worries are gone and everything is great. He makes my life so good.
People say that it sucks that he's 21 years older than me but honestly... I'm still in the game. And no matter what anybody says, I will never change him. I don't want to or plan too. He's perfect just the way he is even if the age gap is huge, I wouldn't ever change the way we met or the age difference. It sucks, but I'm lucky enough to have him in my life in the first place.
I take him for granted. If he was taken from my life tomorrow, I'd want him to know every single thought or word that has come from me since I started loving him.
Nobody seems to understand me but its okay. I'm okay with it. I love being in love with him and maybe one day I'll come back and laugh at it.... But at the moment, he is my drive, my goal. And hopefully I can look back on this and laugh at it... While with him.
Don't give up. I have hope and so should you all. It might have been crazy at first but now I've accepted it.
Signs of lust: You're totally focused on a person's looks and body. You're interested in having sex, but not in having conversations. You'd rather keep the relationship on a fantasy level, not discuss real feelings. You want to leave soon after sex rather than cuddling or breakfast the next morning. You are lovers, but not friends. Signs of love: You want to spend quality time together other than sex. You get lost in conversations and forget about the hours passing. You want to honestly listen to each other's feelings, make each other happy. He or she motivates you to be a better person. You want to get to meet his or her family and friends. Out of the lust category I checked off the first one because I usually am only looking at his body and such. But in the love category I checked all of them. If you think this is really lust please tell me why. I'd love to hear you go against my shrink. Goodnight.