I Hated Today And Hated Him And Begged For His Attentions And He Didn't Care.

Well, I didn't have a great day.
I walked into class so happy and excited to see him, hoping he'd be too right? No, not at all. He took a look at me and I could just feel the Disgust and rage come onto me. I felt.... So ugly and terrible. It wasn't a good feeling at all. I couldn't look at him at all in homeroom. He didn't even talk to me, he stayed as far as he could from me it seemed. It was sad.

Then math class was even worse, it felt like I was being tourtured for 1 hour and 40 minutes. I was on my best behavior and he wouldn't look at me and only called me Rachel the whole class instead of my nickname and when he called on me, he made me feel so dumb. I ended up getting every single question he threw at me wrong because stubborn old me wouldn't take the stuff he would throw at me and fight back but in reality, I just kept quiet and said, "whatever." He made me so mad to even look at him face so I wrote all during his class and tried not to look at him. Every time he said my name he seemed to say it louder and meaner every single time. It's like the fiery pits of hell.

Then while doing classwork, my friend messages me and says, "he's looking at you, he's being staring at you for like 10 minutes." And I'm like "I don't even care anymore." And honesty, I was just mad the whole day.

And in PE he passed by me and just stared me down so I didn't look up. I feel so afraid of him. Like... Idk. I just wanted to go and ask him, "Why do you hate me? Do you have something against me?" But I couldn't do that, I almost did.

During class though, it was kinda funny. I tried to make him laugh, it didn't work. I'm REALLY perverted sometimes so he pulled out a yard stick and I remembered that its legal to spank students and I kind of told one of my friends and he asked us what we were laughing at and I told him (cause I'm bad lol) and he just looks at me and gives the whole class this 10 minutes long conversation on how it may be legal but you need a waiver to do so and then I go, "Where can I sign up?" And everyone laughed except him. It was obvious I wanted to be spanked by him, so I just laughed with everyone else and he just pretended it didn't happen. Ever.

He makes my heart hurt so much lately. I didn't really think of him over break but I missed him. I'm really confused with everything at the moment, my sexuality, who I am. I don't even know what I want anymore, let alone if I still want him. I still love him, but I feel like he doesn't want me to love him back. Maybe it'd be easier like that huh?

I bought him a tie on Black Friday. I was really excited to give it to him for Christmas but if he keeps acting like this, I might not even. Ughhhhh.
Oh and this girl came up to me and goes, "I saw your tumblr, wow, you really like Mr.S? That's really weird." I'm just like... What. HOW DID SHE FIND IT?? ONLY 3 PEOPLE KNOW. guess who told her? My ex friend. God I really hate girls and their big mouths. Ugh.
I hope everyone else's day was good. My friend on another website is pregnant with her teacher. Australia is doing it right LOL.
Bye guys, I'm sad/mad/ and confused. :/
arcticray arcticray
18-21, F
6 Responses Nov 26, 2012

I had this happen to me one day, I was crushed and legit cried and felt pathetic! Then the next day he acted as if he hadn't completely ignored me the day before which both confused and relieved me. Looking back I think he was irritated that everyone and they mom had a question that day, but I also think that's when he may have realized he has feelings for me he can't express. I think the same happened for you

He is afraid. He doesn't hate you. He probably hates that he really likes you and it's getting to him because he cannot have a real relationship with you.... It's illegal. So nooo, you didn't do anything wrong. You already know that. So don't take it personal when he acts that way. It's not you .. It's him. He seems to have a gruff manner and at times boisterous and alot to handle. That is why I think he seems a bit weird. Lol I maybe wrong. :)

Haha I love when you comment(: it's so great!

I agree that sometimes it does feel like life would be easier if you didn't love them. When my teacher has his off days with me and ignores me I feel so empty
:-/ I don't think they realise how the little things they do can make or break us

Ughh so true

I know how you feel... Maybe, he just had a bad mood... :/


or... did you tell anybody about your feelings? (that you are in love with him?)

Yeah but my best friend is TRUELY the quietest person on the planet and HATES his guts-- she didn't tell him haha

Just a thought ... maybe someone told him about how you feel? Or he found out about it? Be careful.

That's what I'm worried about. And my mom too lol


Okayy OMG I miss you :(