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I'm Done With Him. And Everything Else.

So obviously today was just... ******.
I was so happy today and like genuinely just so full of life! And then... I'm crying right now and earlier I was bawling and I just cannot believe someone could affect me so much... It hurts.

Homeroom:
Didn't talk to him really. Just kept my distance. Although, I was saying how my hair smelled like coconuts and people swarmed around my hair and he was like wtf lol.

Lunch:
He was sitting at the teachers table and I was in line and the teachers table is right by the line and my friend who ****** around with every single guy finally has a boyfriend her own age and then I go, "About time you got a boyfriend the same age, I wish I could get one, but the one I like is about 20 years older than me so that would never work." And he turned his head and looked straight at me. I didn't mean for it to come out... But it did.

Then Math:

He doesn't want me, and I know it. He pasted out tests and then Mrs.F came in and started talking and I got really mad and I just hated life. Then i looked up at him and began daydreaming of how i really wanted to score a goal today and he caught my gaze and i like came back to reality and freaked out. then she left and I went up to his desk to give him my paper and he wouldn't look at me and then he silently goes, "just staple it..." And I'm like, "I'm going." And then I kind of slam down the paper (not meaning to but whatever) and I go back to my desk. He called on my today and called me Rach but nothing big. I just... Oh.

P.E.-
He is the biggest ******* ever. He's PLAYING AND TOYING with me! I know it! It's really obvious, wanna know how I know?? Okay, lemme tell you. He came in and went to go change. He comes out and sits across the room to put on his shoes so I'm thinking, "he can't see me, so lets stare at him!" So I start staring and then me and my friend start talking so I start to not look at him. Then I get so busy talking, I don't look at him. Then while walking around the court, he goes by my other teacher and we HEAR HIM SAY, "While I was putting on my shoes, she was looking. Then she stopped." And I didn't hear the other teacher because my friend laughed really loud and I started getting really sad, then I start crying. Then my counselor came in and wanted to talk to me so I thought I was in trouble but she ended up not wanting to get me in trouble, she just wanted to talk about if I liked the school and whatnot. Then I went and sat and listened to music and quietly sobbed and he started sweeping and he kept passing me and I just couldn't look at him.

He knows and I feel like an experiment to him. Like I'm just... Nothing. I should be that though. I don't matter, just another brat another year huh? I just... I'm sorry for bothering you with my words and thoughts. I just... I'm a mess and I'm confused and I just need to go to sleep. Goodnight, hope everyone lives well(:

Oh and we lost our game. Such a great night right? :/
TheTeacherLover TheTeacherLover 22-25, F 6 Responses Dec 4, 2012

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He is afraid- and he could get into a lot of trouble. I think you should leave it.

Move on. No more thoughts about suicide okay. Stop pitying yourself. That is something that you do not need to waist your time and energy with. You are a young worthy woman. You do matter and that is the reason why you were created in the first place. No more of this apathy okay. First and foremost love God and love yourself Chica. Pray about this. If you like to pray that is. I do not know if you have a religion or believe in God. If you do I would suggest going to God about this. You are not alone. You have this spiritual warefare going on. You doubt yourself and your very existence. You need someone to love you. Well love yourself first. Love yourself first.... And you will find that you are okay the way you are and that the right person will show up in your life. Depression and fear is a nasty business. It is like touching a hot stove. Do not go into it. Know your self worth. Are you worthy of a good partner .Yes !!!!!! And you know this. So enjoy your life. Lol you will find someone better. Do not worry about Mr. Freaky with a little side of sneaky .. Okay :) he is a grump and you are a fun funky fresh girl.

Im sorry to hear that hun. I think he's just scared..he can get in a lot of trouble if people believe or suspect something.. I think he doesnt want to get in trouble..that carrer is his life..plus jail..and god he may be to pretty for that.. I know you dont want to hear it but maybe you should wait.. till 18 and still hang around(visit every once in a while..i think that would prove serious, true, and no one can touch love..

Now that he knows you could confront him. "hey I know that you know I like you, and it may freak you out and maybe even scare you and I understand what you can lose and i'm sorry. I'm trying to get over you but I cant promise anything.." And walk away

I dont think you can get in trouble for sharing your feelings but he can.

I can get in trouble, they'd first take me out of his class and would tell my parents so I'd never be able to talk/see him even though he's never done anything. :/

Ok im sorry.. This is a difficult one.. I wish I had some helpful advice

It's alright, thank you for commenting though(:

No problem :)

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Don't neccesarilly give up hope; he probably thinks its cute and he could like you back (maybe that's why he wasnt paying you much attention; he's nervous)

I'm sorry :( today, my "friend" pretty much indirectly told my teacher that I like him :-/ I know the pain.

Message me if you need anything

I can't even talk about it atm. Thanks though. :/

Ok I have a slight feeling like how you are feeling now

Message me if you'd like, I'm here to talk hun(: