I Hate You But I Love You.

Hmm today was crappy/great. More great at first then crappy. Ugh.

Okay so what happened was:

Homeroom:
So he kind of looked at me all weirdly during class so I'm thinking he got my present (Secret Santa) and I'm freaking out. He stood by my desk the whole time and I'm just like, "OMG he knows!" And therefore, I don't speak or look at him.

Math:
Well I was really hyper and hot so I told him how hot I was so he moved me for the day, that was nice! Then I needed help but I couldn't focus cause I had to pee soooo bad so I was like, "Can I use the restroom?" And he's like, "no." And I'm like, "why?" And he's like,"cause you can wait 20 minutes!" And I'm like, "no I can't, I'm having a panic attack, please may I go?" And he smiles and goes, "fine but you'll have to stay with me for lunch on Monday." And I'm like,"okay!" And run to the bathroom, OMG he NEVER LET'S ANYONE GOOOOOOOO! So I'm sooo confused! Ughh. And I asked if he was serious when I got back and he's like, "yep, bring your lunch!" And I'm like fudgenuggets!!! Anyways...

PE:
Hated life, I got really depressed again. He came in and started talking to Mrs.B with my present in hand. I was soooo annoyed. Then when he leaves my teacher comes up to me and goes, 'did you give him that present?" I shook my head and said no and she's like, "oh..." I felt so bad, I can't believe I lied! I never lie! It's sooo unlike me.

Um so look, I still really love him but I know I need to stop so I wrote a speech and I will tell him this while alone with him on Monday okay? Tell me if its good and whatnot, and I lied a bit about begging over him in it but I can't deal with the nasty looks he and my teachers are giving me.

Look I need to talk to you.

I don't know what you think, and I barely know what I think. I haven't been able to think straight lately, I've been stressed and annoyed and I've been going through a lot. And yeah, I did feel something for you. But you are my teacher. I know that, and I'm grateful. I didn't know if you were even aware that I had this "crush" or whatever it was on you, but I'm telling you, Because I'm over it. Are you? Because getting that look from Mrs.B and you EVERYTIME I'm in her class when you are there is kind of unsettling considering I'm over it. And if you do know, alright. I really don't care.

You really are amazing and inspiring, you have taught me a lot of things. Nobody has been able to teach me Math, that's why i respect you so much. Yes, the crushing on you thing did help but honestly, you as a teacher helps me. I'm glad I'm over you, now I can focus and such. I knew that nothing could ever happen, nothing ever would. That's why I stopped.

I needed to tell you this so I could fully be done, okay? It's nothing you did, it's just wrong time and place. I'm sorry that I had to fall for you so quickly, trust me, on my part it hurt so much. Thanks for being my teacher though, I appreciate it.

And I'm sorry about the secret Santa, won't happen again even though I have a present for you.... (Gives present)
I wanted to be able to look at you without thinking, "Oh my, I really like him!!" Because you're my teacher, that's terribly unfair to you. So, yeah, when I talk to you please don't get the wrong idea. I'm not flirting and I'm not teasing you or whatever. I respect you. Honestly, I like someone if you really wanted to know. So yeah. Thanks I hope you understand.
arcticray arcticray
18-21, F
4 Responses Dec 14, 2012

don't embarrass yourself! tell him how you feel vocally not through paper. he may show the paper to anyone! and don't be scared to tell him.

Although I think that speech is sweet and I understand why you would want to tell him ... I think saying that to him might cause problems between you two (he seems like a moody guy). I mean, right now he's talking to the other teacher because he only SUSPECTS that you like him. Imagine what would happen if he knew FOR SURE that you did. I'm sure he would tell Mrs. B, and then he and Mrs. B would start acting REALLY weird around you. You don't know how he's going to react so I would recommend not having that conversation. Instead, you could just act like you don't like him anymore, and eventually him and Mrs. B will get bored because you're not giving them anything to talk about. (I also have a feeling that if you act like you don't like him anymore, he's going to start flirting with you to try to get your attention.)

Thats a good idea but I mean... Idk.

awwe i like the last part :)

Wow they give you mean looks? That's not nice of them. What did you get him fore secret Santa?

I mean, like, not "mean" looks, but like knowing looks I guess. Hard to describe...
A bunch of candy. Not anything huge, just a LOT of candy lol.

Oh Okay. Do you think that he is talking to more than one teacher about you? I think he is. i also think he knows that you like him. I am sure he liked the candy and snack on them all week long. So good luck on Monday :). Interesting he wants you to have lunch with him don't you think. Be careful girl. I know you want to get your hands on him but supress it . Remember to be a lady. :)

Mhm. Only on teacher because no one else looks at me suspiciously.
It is, I've been going crazy all weekend so far! But it's because I went to the bathroom.... Right? I don't even know if I want him anymore, but whatever it is, I have to stop...

Lol a teacher doesn't care if you have to tinkle. All you have to do is ask permission. Now being told you have to have lunch with him in the classroom in exchange for going to take care of your business in the restroom is something different. So yeah. He is up to something. Lol I think it is to talk to you and I am sure he will do most of it. :)

Ugh. Well. I want to talk, honestly. I have so much to say and do and say and ugh.
What do you think he's up too?......

He wants to get you alone I think. I am not sure if its because he is interested in you , grade stuff or wants to ask you what's up with this thing ya'll got going on. I hope he has been nice to you. Just be careful around him.

I know. Lets hope it's good, nothing bad. I have an A in his class, so it's not that.

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