Nothing Went As Planned, But It's Okay. I'm At Peace Now. :)Today was frustrating and nerve wreking but also very peace making(:
So went into class and told my friend bye and all I hear is, "Hey Rach! Can I talk to you for a sec?" And I'm like, "sureeee...." And he smiles and goes, "I got your letter. Thank you... You really are so sweet Rach." And I'm like, "ha, what letter?" And he gets confused, as do I. He goes, "the letter you sent me....the red one?" And I'm like, "what letter?" And he's like, "the one you sent me..." And I'm like, "I never sent you a letter. I sent you a card, no letter though..." And he's like, "I know I have th card, thank your for that! But what do you mean you never send a letter?" And I'm like, "I never sent one...." And he's like, "are you sure?" And I'm like, "yeah, I'd know." And he's like, "ohh... Weird." And I'm really confused....
Well I go to religion and become really sad and nervous. I talk to Mrs. b at the end of class because she said I looked sad and I said, "someone sent mr.S a letter saying it was me and it's not and I'm just tired and annoyed and nervous and ugh!" And she's like, "make sure he knows it's not you..." And I'm like, "okay!"
Then at lunch I go to his class, nervous and scared but totally ready to tell him. I pull my speech up and everything. We are the last two people in the class and as I am about to start he goes, "hey, you're not going to lunch?" And I'm like, "you told me I had to stay with you.." And he's like, "nah, go to lunch, it's alright." And my heart broke... I was like, "oh... Okay..." And I left. I could have said I needed to tell him something, but I didn't.
Then at Math I think he gets the drift that I'm depressed.
I go to PE and he doesn't come so I finally get the courage to go to Mrs.B and just tell her. It takes her a second for her to realize what I'm trying to say until he comes in and my eyes wander straight towards him. She notices and he comes by and he asks if he can join the convo and we both say its private and then he leaves and she asks if it's him. I nod and she smiles. This is what the convo was like: Well I said this, "I know you think something and I'm really paranoid over it. I really care about him and I do have this crush on him, but I know nothing can and never will happen, so I really hope none of you are taking this the wrong way because I know those glances you make and the questions and whatnot. I'm just really confused..." And she's like, "wait... What?" And I'm like, "does he know I like him?" And she laughed and shook her head. "No sweetie! He knows you favor him, he doesn't know in that way though! But, he favors you too. He talks about you like I talk about my children, he cares for you too. I don't know In what way, but he does.the other day we were talking about students, the good and bad, and we came to you and he said by far you were one of the best, sweetest, and most outgoing and lovable student he has ever seen or had. That he has never seen someone love and care about life and him in so long." I was like, "oh... So you don't talk about how I like him?" And she shakes her head and goes, "no, I mean, I didn't know or think that. He knows in some form that you like him, but he knows that you love him as a teacher, nothing more." And Mr.S came by and he joined the convo and noticed I couldn't talk with him there and he's like, "I guess I have to go..." And instead of me saying no, I go, "nope, you can stay actually." I turn to Mrs.B and go, "thank you for putting my mind to rest..." And I turn to him and smile and leave.
I went up to her after that and she said that he was really worried about me today because I was sad and depressed but he felt like I didn't want to talk about it to him.
I just... I was so happy to let it all out. And she said it was normal, the crush, and that he likes me back in a form and that as long as its not an innappropriate relationship, she think that in the future if he felt the same, it would work. And Im just like, "I LOVEEEE HIMMMMMM!" Lol
He cares. He really does.
Even though I never talked to him about it, I became at peace. I don't know if I still like him like I did, but I still care for him. He's special in every way, and I enjoy him so much as I person. Now, Mrs.B knows and she said she won't tell him. My secret is safe and I just... I'm happy.
I know my day didnt go as planned, but I'm glad it went like this.
Have a good day guys(: