I May Just Be Your Teacher

I started reading on these attractions just a few days ago. Yes, I am a male teacher in Texas. Yes, I do have some students show me their feelings. Yes, there are some learning experiences from these expressed feelings and yes we teachers do have a warmth towards our students.

I was not always a teacher-this is my 6th year teaching. When I was hired I was told the school needed male role models and that was a big plus for me. I decided to be a teacher to help out students help resolve their future issues like a career and growing into responsible adults and become student teachers. I strongly value students becoming leaders and that does require special attention and guidance. I did not become a teacher to take advantage of misplaced/confused emotions.

I have been very fortunate in having students show me much care and love -I'm not talking romantic love.

As a caring teacher, there are times I know a particular student needs more attention than others. Sometimes it is just a smile or a touch on the shoulders. Sometimes it is a direct word or a few words such as asking about how they are doing or how things are going on with his/her life at home in the real world. I say real world as I view school to be a sanctuary- a place students can feel safe from any situation/predators. The real world can be a harsh and very unforgiving world with many problems we teachers can not understand. Problems as will there be food at home tonight or where will I and my brothers/sisters sleep tonight. These problems make students weak to predator situations. Yes there are bad teachers and yes, there are teachers who care so much for their students that they allow a relationship to be even more confused by allowing/encouraging improper relationships. Many times these teachers didn't mean for this to happen but teachers are human also.

All that said, I have seen/read many postings where a teacher gave encouraging words that I would also use but the words have been taken out or context. "You look nice today" means just that and not a way to say the teacher has the hots for you. There are many times I have used kind words when I know a student needs that. I do allow hugs from students and that is from male and female students. Nothing feels as good as a hug some days. Hugs, proper hugs, say " I do care for you..have a great day...or thanks for helping today or ... it is good to see you working ....I respect and admire who you are..... " A proper hug to me is a sideways hug and not any of the body to body contact. As a teacher, it is very uncomfortable when a student tries and body to body hug.... NO NO NO.

Sometimes we notice your hair is different or your makeup or you are happy, a caring teacher learns to read a student as he/she enters the class. Noticing changes certainly does not mean an attraction. Dont allow yourself to be confused.

Yes, I have had to ask students to stop visiting. It is very painful to do that. We are at school to be role models.

Yes, it is easy to have favorites. I love looking at my students where all their eyes are focused on me just waiting for the next story I have to tell them. There are students who do love to participate and help out. Yes those students become favorites whether we admit to it or not. I, as a teacher, am there for all my students whether or not you fall into the "favorites" list. One has to be impartial when giving attention and grading.

At the end of the year, all students are missed. The year ends and a new crop of students comes in. When your time is over, it is over and be aware that new students will command attention from your teacher. Yes we love to have you visit. "Visit" is the key word. Please come back and let us know how you are doing. Please let us know that our work was great and you have moved on well into your university studies. Please stay in touch but please don't obsess or the relationship will be gone.

I think the value of this section is support and sharing of experiences but it is a negative if you encourage each other to be more aggressive towards your teacher.

























IamYourTeacher IamYourTeacher
46-50, M
11 Responses Jan 2, 2013

Hi there Texan teacher,

I see you've turned into a bit of an advice guru, so here is my problem.

I had a classics teacher for four years. At first I was scared of him, but then I grew used to him and we had an easy friendship sort of interaction, the same way the other kids in the class did.

The last year of high school I was sitting in class and realised with a sinking sensation that I liked him. I held my tongue, but the knowledge was suffocating me. I know what happens to students that like their teachers. It is passed off as due to the role, it is inappropriate because of the age gap and authority that teachers have.

By sheer luck I was headed to this teacher's alma mater for university. We became Facebook friends, got numbers after I left high school and bumped into each other a few times. I asked if he would remember me and he replied I was irreplaceable.

My friends have commented that we had a curious relationship- always professional, but affection hidden beneath teasing insults. I know he has flaws. He is ten years my senior, bachelor and not handsome. For some reason I cannot get his flawed face out of my head.

I have had other loves and relationships and heartbreaks, and the first year of college is passing by. But I still feel a clear affinity for him, and I wonder if telling him would help to ease this love/infatuation/crush.

Your thoughts would be much appreciated.

I found your post very insightful, it's very interesting to me to read the other side of stories. I know I've certainly appreciated the amazing teachers in my lifetime, visited them and built friendships with them.
I am one of the many girls on here who developed feelings for their teacher. My teacher never got a teaching license and only taught the year I was his student (2014-2015 school year). It was very interesting when I realized halfway through the last semester in his class that I had feelings toward him. I've had some strange experiences with him (feel free to read some of them on my profile if you are curious) and at the very least, I think my teacher thought of me as a friend of some sort.
Anyway, thank you very much for your post! I enjoyed reading from a teacher's point of view and how they tend to view their students.

thanks for letting me know someone out there is reading my writings.

I do find it interesting that since I joined this group, the most activity as far as questions/comments to me are concerned happen during Christmas time and summer break. I am lead to believe this happens because the students are no longer able to see the teacher they have an interest in. It seems the breaks besides causing a void also provide an opportunity for self reflection on what is happening within the dynamics of the relationship the student fantasies about.
I have had a few students say this feels liberating as they feel now the Student-Teacher constraint is eliminated but I would say it is not eliminated. That tie still exists for a period which I at this moment can not define as I have not really thought about it very much or even not at all.

What are the thoughts of the students here once a student graduates? is the relationship more viable now or still disallowed?

I agree with your assessment of students beginning to think about the dynamics between the student and their teacher during the breaks. I've noticed this group tends to be more active during that time too, but never really thought more about it.
I don't think you can ever truly eliminate the constraint between a teacher and a student. That was the way the student met the teacher in the first place, and many people will still think a relationship between a student and teacher are wrong.
I believe students, after graduation, see a relationship with their teacher as a more viable option. They are no longer teachers to us after we graduate, and as long as the student is the age of consent, students can see their teachers as possible relationship options.

I just wanted to ask about a situation with one of my teachers. This happened after months of my teacher being really favouritist towards me and occasionally seemingly flirting with me. We were doing dance at school and I was stood near the door and my teacher walked past and stopped to watch me. He even came up to me during my lunch break afterwards to tell me he liked it. Does this he mean he maybe does like me??

without being there to read his body language or what was going on it is hard to form an opinion on this other than to say I tell many of my students I really like them but "like" is the key imperative word there. I like apples and I like birds and I like so many foods but there is nothing romantic in that like.

Well, I'm also a teacher, and I am actually in love with one of my students. I'm 36 and I'm married and the boy I have a crush on is only 16. I know it's wrong of course, and I keep it to myself. But I have had feelings for him for almost a year now.

dont know if you still are found on this site but that feeling is very unhealthy and I do hope you did not act on it.

I'm a future educator and I just want to say thank you. Honestly, you have enlightened myself as well as others with great advice and lessons to be inculcated by everyone. Body language has an intense role in our hormones and we should not confuse them for subliminal messages of physical interest. Wow. Thanks! Will keep this in mind throughout my teaching career.

sorry I had not been on this site in a while. I do hope you follow your dreams and I do hope you dont destroy anyone's dreams as many of the students on here have had dreams destroyed by false hope.

Okay well I have a question, Do teachers know when a student has a crush on them? If so how?

I have no doubt about it. There are so many clues among them and not in any order: getting very close to the teacher and slightly or "accidentally" touching/leaning against. Hmmm ... Not blinking. Blank stares. Giggles. The hair thing with the fingers. Saying "did I tell you that you are my favorite teacher?" every 5 mins ok that might be exaggerated.

Other ways. Little notes you leave behind on the desk. Little drawings on assignments that are turned in. Coming after school to ask simple questions that any of your friends can answer for you.

Hmmm.... little gifts, even candy. How you breathe. The stuttering, the hand sweating. The lower eye lids swelling. Something kind of weird: girls hug themselves as if to keep from hugging the teacher.

But the glow a student gets is the most sure way. The glow is the overall happiness the student shows...elation is the better word.

An observant teacher can pick up on many of those small clues and add them up to a crush. A predatory teacher can add those up to try and get more than he/should and take advantage of the student.

what are some of the things you do when you think you have a crush on a teacher?

Idk this is all so new to me. I try to act normal. I'm pretty good at hiding but sometimes I think I let it show.

Hey jen
even when you try to hide it, it just shows . Don't forget we have more experience than you at this.
Enjoy the holidays

Hello :)

I wanted to thank you for your story because it is important to know the other part of the story. Yes, we girls tend to "fall in love" with our teachers, but please think of it of something nice. We fall in love with you guys because you as teachers represent a wise role model. You are caring, respectful, and our leaders. Strong leaders. And we, teens are looking for somebody strong to hang on to since we are currently drifted off by the waves of society. You seem to have all the Answers when we have all the questions.
We also know that these relationships are almost impossible and could never happen. But we are glad to have that caring teacher by our sides :)
If it werent for you and all of the caring teachers in the world, our lives would be in chaos.
So thankyou for your story and for your existance.

I think that deep inside most teachers want to do good but sometimes in our efforts to do good we become to emotionally involved with the students and weird feelings develop from both sides. As the adult the teacher needs to keep these emotions monitored and contained.

I do find your comments to be very insightful and I do appreciate that you see the good in the teachers who are there to help you. Thanks for that. We do need to get positive reinforcement. Yes believe it or not, teachers need to hear good words.
So, take the the time and thank your teachers for their effort. Maybe sometimes the personalities dont blend well and maybe there are conflicts, but kind works are always welcomed.

Thanks again.

hi,
Thank you for the lecture ;)
What you have said in your note is very valuable. Well, personally I have never had any sexual feelings for a teacher, but I'm practically asexual, since I'm 18 and lack sexual desires, so I suppose my commentary is invalid. However, I see this happening often. Young girls become charmed by the whole "older men" thing, and start misinterpreting the acts of kind teachers. it's fascinating to watch, but I do sympathize their horrid mistakes. Someday, they'll look back and learn from experience. I guess at this young age you've got the raging hormones going on, which impact on a young girl's ability to think straight.

Hey there Hush,
what makes you asexual at such a young age? that is also not healthy. Maybe you need to have your hormone levels checked. At your age, as you say, the hormones should be going crazy.

Yes and most people think it is only guys who have hormone issues.

I discovered it a while back, so I did go see a GP recently. She said I had an imbalance of hormones, which I am in the process of correcting. But she also suspected depression, I\'m not sure if I agree.

I know, right...It\'s annoying that people think that. Women just pretend to have their hormones under control, but they are often worse than men.

If you and a teacher do have a mutual love for each other, the best thing to do is wait until you graduate (or if you're in college, until you are not in their class any more). Then there are no legal problems with the two of you together.

Note: In the old days, teachers and students had relationships a LOT more than today....but everyone just looked the other way. For example, a few years before I entered high school, one of the high school teachers got in a fistfight with a male student because they both wanted to take out the same high school girl. She started going out with the teacher. When I got to high school, they had hired the student (after she graduated) as a teacher aide, so the two of them worked together in our high school.

Hey, my name is Frances and for the past two years I have been in "love" with my teacher. I have love in quotation marks because I know at age 16 and the fact that I've never had a boyfriend means that I don't know that love truly means. Anyways my first year of highschool was last year, I had lots of new teachers and everything was new to me. I used my first day to make an assessment of whether or not I liked my teachers. Every teacher failed except for my last teacher. My Spanish teacher Mr.C. I had him 4th and 5th period. 4th for my Spanish 3 class ( I already speak Spanish so I was placed in a higher level right of the bat.) 5th period was for me being his TA "teacher assistant". From the moment I met him, I liked him. He his 6'4, 40 years old, brown haired, brown eyed, and tan. It seemed that I became one of his favorites from the very first week. He always counted on me for grading all his papers correctly and always called on me to answer questions in class. I loved to be able to stare at him for 2 hours with an excuse. He always gave me words of encouragement that I may have taken out of context a few times for my own personal fantasies. I am now a sophomore and I don't have his class year because It didn't fit with my schedule. This hasn't stopped me from staring. Haha I always make sure I walk by his classroom between periods to get a glance at him. I "get my friends from his class" but in reality I just want to look at him. I haven't said one word to him or even waved to him. I want to but I can't bring myself to do it. I don't know why. Sometimes he has cafeteria duty in the morning and I taken advantage of that time and stare. Sometimes he stares back. It's kinda awkward because I don't know what to do. He his divorced has a 9 year old daughter and I believe he is single. I have fantasied about us becoming sexual especially since I'm going to Peru as a class trip with him my senior year. I know it probably won't happen.... But I want it to. Like really bad. I'm not sure why have such strong sexual urges towards him since he's older than my dad. I want him but I can't. I don't think he wants me. How do I get over my sexual urges and forget him and move on? Please help!

Hey back to you Frances,
You have made me think and think about your reply for the last 24 hours or so. Hmmmm have you seen the movie "Failure to Launch"? . So, the son just does not want to leave home. Why should he, he has all the comforts he wants and home and can continue to live a life with little responsibility? He is in a great sanctuary his home. His parents eventually get someone to make him fall in love with so he can decide to move out. He finds a new attraction and a new source of comfort.

High school and schools in general are also sanctuaries. As much as many of you may say you hate it, there is some comfort there. There are others similar to you to share in your happiness and in your sorrows (think brothers and sisters). There are those who are there to help educate you and hopefully to guide you ( think parents). I have many seniors in my classes and when 2013 hit, they started with the fears of "what am I going to do when I graduate?" Fears start taking over. They express those fears. A big comfort zone is about to be gone. For many of those students the new comfort zone will be college/university studies but many will not have that advantage. Even with the new comfort zone, there will be responsibilities that will make life much more difficult than high school.

Now to your sexual anxieties. First, have you previously had sex or is just an urge to have it? My first recommendation would be for you to see a school counselor but I am aware many students avoid that for fear of that going on his/her record. So first recommendation is see your counselor and let him/her know of your feelings.

Fantasies, we all have them and believe it or not even grown adults like me have sexual fantasies. They help us clear our mind sometimes and they help us cope with the world. They can be a short vacation of the mind from the real world stress. Now there is also impulse. Civilized people all have fantasies but we known when to control our impulse to do the wrong thing. Fantasies can also be good when they lead to a good action from an impulse.

Write down a list of the actions you would like to do with him. Example kiss him. Then have two columns one for you and one for him. How would the kiss affect you positively and how would affect him positively? Of course there is the negative list. How would the kiss be negative for you? How would it be negative for him?

Among your list, you may have the following actions: holding hands, hugging, seducing, arousing, and yes sex. Dont forget to add effects on your family, his family, your education, his work .

My exstudents do keep in contact with me. Slowly as time passes by, they communicate less and less. That is a successful launch. A few seem lost and unwilling to break that bond. Those are unsuccessful launches...as in we have a failure to launch.

So, what do you do? It is never my intention to tell anyone what to do. I do help guide people/students/ my own children to make an independent decision. That is where maturity shows up.

Sexual fantasies are very common and everyone reading/writing a post on here has had them and I am willing to be there are a few out there right now having a fantasy or two while reading this. You are not alone in that. You do get to make your own decisions however. Enjoy your fantasies but dont let them control you.

Hey, I'm glad I was able to get you thinking. Thinking is good. So anyways I appreciate your response and to answer your question, I have never been sexually active or had any kind of sexual contact with the opposite sex so therefore I am a virgin. The list you recommend me to make did help me think more about the benefits/consequences of my sexual fantasies towards my teacher. The consequences beat the benefits by far! Oh and when you said I should talk to my counselor (Mrs.B) did you mean that I should tell her directly about my fantasies towards my teacher or that I've just been having them? Also, I was wondering about your example with the movie. I just want to make sure I'm understanding you correctly, we're you trying to say that since I've been going to school almost my entire life, that school has become and "comfort blanket." And that the spending so much time with Mr.C has made me think that I've developed feelings for when in reality, it's all part of the "comfort blanket?" One more question! Haha. Do you think that age matters in terms of relationships. I know that anyone over 18 can't be with anyone under but I mean do you think age is barrier in loving someone. I'm not asking this because of my feelings towards Mr.C but I seem to be attracted to guys a lot older than me in general. That's my last question. Again thank you for the previous response. Have a great day (:

Frances, there is nothing wrong with being a virgin. There may be pressure from others or you may feel the need to fit in, but believe it or not, I was a virgin till I was 21 and almost 22 at that. I dont regret not having started earlier but there are many other there who do regret having started earlier than they should as the many pains in their lives will be witness to that.

Yes, some people are ready and in some countries/cultures sex at a young is the normal. I am glad to hear you are a virgin and hold on to that value as long as you can.

I am glad you have found some value in the "homework" I gave you and I give you an A+ for a job well done.

About talking to your counselor, the information you give out is the information you feel the need to give out -what helps you understand and cope is what is right for you.

And yes, the school is a comfort blanket to you and yes Mr. C is part of your comfort blanket. I have many students like you. Today, I began recruiting students to my classes for next year and I was very touched/surprised/ overwhelmed at how many students I have had in the past want to have me as their teacher for next year. Comfort blanket. They will be seniors and they have a strong trust in me. I'm on cloud 9 over the love they all showed.

About ages in a relationship, many girls of your age are attracted to older boys (men). Guys just are much slower to mature than girls. I feel sorry for some of the very mature girls at our school as there are very few mature boys they can "select" from. Hold on till you get to your college/university studies and you will find an increase is mature males but dont expect most of them to be thus mature.

....................mmmmmm should I tell you?????

hmmmm???

Ok, my wife is 10 years younger than I am and we met when I was 27. Yes, it has worked wonderfully for us NOW. The first 6-7 years were very very hard on us. She thought I would be looking for a more mature person and lose my attraction to her and I thought the opposite in thinking she would be looking for someone closer to her age. There was very much mistrust. We are very close to each other now. While physically we are 10 years apart, in our minds we feel to be the same age. Is that the romance story you wanted to hear?

Do enjoy your day.

ps... to all the young ladies out there, always remember you will always be more valuable to yourself than to any guy that asks you to do "it" for him. Dont lose that value you have in yourself to please someone who does not value you.

I knew it! Of course teachers have their favorites! But they always say no if you ask them hahaha. I had always thought that teachers do appreciate their students but just in the classroom and that's it, but you make me see that they really care about us, and is nice to hear that.

Thanks a lot for this teacher! :)

thanks for the reply Marce. Yes we have favorites but that does not mean we "love" one student more than others. Maybe in your pencil bag you have 10 pencils that are exactly identical. Somehow you can tell which one is your favorite pencil when no one else can. Yet at the end of the day, you store that pencil in the same place as the rest. In the end the pencils are all the same. The next day, you search for for that pencil or may decide to get a new one.

I teach 6 different classes and in each class there are students that on a given day I show more preferential treatment in talking to them or just asking them for a special favor. I do make sure to get to know my students individually. That takes a lot of time and energy. My motto is "It takes courage to care". There is an emotional commitment that has to be made to reach our students. Balancing this commitment is what can create troubles. Yes some teachers fear making this emotional commitment but then I wonder why are they teaching if they are not here for the students needs and emotional needs are very important.

If the emotional commitment is not balanced then the student and sometimes the teacher get the wrong "feeling".

I do love my students. All of them. Somedays, some have bad days and I will talk to them on those days but I also talk to them on especially good days.

As a student, you have to be aware that you are not the only special one. Sometimes I do get students that want to be that only special one but I make sure to let them know that all my students are special. I really dont like it when students show jealousy and I find that to be the worst fault and the one that will separate me more from a student than any fault.

So it goes in relationships with students of your same age. If you like a boy very much because he is very outgoing and cute and etc, you better believe you are not the only one that feels that way. Trying to stop him/her from being who they are changes them into some they dont want to be and then they become unhappy.

This also happens with teachers. If you ask to much of them (us) then you risk losing the person you so much care for. Always allow for freedoms. That is a hard concept to accept and may not seem fair. If you have brothers/sisters, your parents also love them as they love you and that caring does not lessen because they have other children.

Yes we do appreciate it tremendously when you do favors for us. Sometimes we can not not even express how much we appreciate it when you clean our board or pick up trash from the floor or help us organize paperwork. We do remember those who have helped us out.

Use your attraction towards the teacher to help your improve yourself. A teacher is best rewarded by the results we get from our students. Nothing makes me happier than when students show they are maturing and becoming wiser in their actions and their caring for their studies.

Thank your teacher for beign there for you. We work very hard to get lessons made it is nice when students show/tell us they do appreciate the lesson presented. Those are among our rewards.

Have a great 2013

Wow! feels like I'm getting into the "Teacher's world", I'm understanding a lot of things right now, and I have to say thank you because with this you're giving me tips to get better with my teachers. I wish more teachers would be like you!
Happy 2013 for you too teacher! :)

Marce,
"to get better with my teachers" what do you mean by that?

Yes, show teachers appreciation and we will know you care about us. Be happy with knowing you are making the teacher feel special through appreciation. Give yourself time to grow up.
Many times students view teachers as almost magical. You see us as being as close to perfect as a person can get. You get thrilled to know this wonderful person. What you don't see is that we are not perfect at all. We teach what we know and many times we know our field of study so much that we do seem to know it all. We seem very confident. In your mind, we are the masters of all including your heart.

That is just not who we are. Many of us are insecure. We can't work well around adults. Many of us are very shy inside or a terrible thing for you, we just dont know enough to be in the real adult world. We flourish around students who are less educated than we are. We flourish around students who are less mature than we are. Just like students, school is our refuge. Take us out of our environment of school and we are way too normal and even maybe you would see us as inferior to other adults you know and maybe even your own parents.

We cant balance our checkbooks. Our electricity gets disconnected. We have so many credit cards that we could probably recycle the plastic and make money. We have home problems. Problems with our spouses. Problems with our own children.We are certainly not magical. Would you see us in our private life, you may even feel sorry for some of us.

Sometimes we get so much attention at school from confused students that it creates more problems at home. It creates jealousies and mistrusts. Sometimes you are part of our problems when you can't control your emotions. Sometimes we even fear going to work because some of the students are too aggressive and we fear for our jobs and families. Sometimes there is little we can do and sometimes, teachers just stop being teachers and find another type of work.

Think about your actions before you act on them. A special note telling the teacher you appreciate him/her is always welcomed. Small gifts like cookies or candies are good just make sure to keep things from being seen as "romantic" or obsessive. I have many special notes/gifts I cherish and value very much. I post those on my wall to keep things out in the open.

think before you act.