Feeling A Little Lost

I'm not entirely sure how to word this, and there are so many things floating around in my head, so I'll try and write this as best I can.

Alright, so I'm 20 years old, and have a bit of a thing for the guy who was my English lecturer last year at uni. I still see him around on campus, but it absolutely kills me that I don't have him as a lecturer this year.
Over the next couple of weeks, I have a couple of tutoring sessions with him though, to aid me me with an exam that I have in early February, but after that, I have no excuse to talk to him anymore, and I find that deeply depressing.
Initially when I asked him to tutor me, he looked really nervous and got all fidgety and started stammering out a refusal (without giving a reason) but after that, he agreed to help out. Maybe he clocked that I liked him and didn't want to be alone with me, but I definitely wouldn't have tried anything (though I guess he doesn't know that).

I can't make a move on him for a couple of reasons; one being that I would never jeopardize a well-respected teacher's career, and another being that he has a girlfriend and a child.
He used to make jokes in class about her having him on a leash and not letting him go out with his friends, but I guess that's just his sense of humour, and he wasn't saying it in a completely serious way.

When he sees me, he always makes an effort to strike up a conversation as we're walking, and jokes and laughs with me, holds doors open for me, etc. If he's talking to another teacher and I walk past, he interrupts their conversation to say hi to me, pulls jokey faces at me when we pass each other in the corridor, and will tease me if I look particularly tired or moody that day. He also tends to stare at me as he's walking when we're at separate ends of the corridor, and then will acknowledge me as he gets a bit closer, but Lord knows what that means.
However, I feel like I shouldn't pay too much attention to this kind of thing, because I don't want to read too much into it and then set myself up for a fall.
I mean, I'm above legal age and without sounding like I'm tooting my own horn, I'm slim and attractive.. but he probably would never see me as much more than a student, especially since he is involved with someone else, although I have no clue what their relationship is like.. but I'm assuming he loves her if he has a kid with her!

There's no way I could ever do anything about this, even after I leave uni, because of his partner. We don't live near one another, so it's not like we'd ever run into each other.. once I leave uni, it's looking highly unlikely that I'll ever see him again, which is painful to think about.

I'm not even sure why I'm writing this... I know we'll never be an item, and I'm trying to act my age and loo at the situation realistically.. I guess I just wanted to get it off my chest so I felt a little less sad. I guess I just want to know whether or not he's attracted to me, even though he probably isn't??
Plus I was reading some other stories, and the responses were all friendly and encouraging, so I thought I'd write my own.
Thanks for reading and sorry it was so long!
Any advice or words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated. This has completely thrown me.
punanimc punanimc
22-25, F
3 Responses Jan 13, 2013

Any advice - I think you guys should base your relationship only as a friendship. I mean, a girlfriend AND a kid? I wouldn't interfere much on that. Just wait 'til he's officially broken up with his girlfriend and if - and only if, you admit to yourself that you want to continue with your friendship or ruin it. Ruin it by all means confront him straight that you have feelings for him and have hope on your side that he, to you, too.

No, that's why I said in this entry that I wouldn't do anything about it...
I'm not a home wrecker, so interfering in their relationship is out of the question. I would never do something like that. If they split up for their own reasons, that'd be fine, but other than that, no. I understand boundaries.
I'm happy just to be friends with him, definitely. No way in hell would I confront him about anything.

it's normal and I think it's ok if he is single and not committed to anyone. Don't just take his words but investigate. It's ok to have a crush it's normal as well as falling in love into him head over heels for as long as you don't require him to be in a relationship with you but if you really want then know him better first.

Unfortunately, he does have a partner. He's in his late 30s and his kid is only about 2, so maybe he figured it was time to settle down? Who knows. They're not married, but have been together for about 5 or 6 years I'd say. Not that any of this is relevant.
I would be fine even settling for being his friend after uni, but I highly doubt he'd want to be friends with a former student. Unfortunately i just can't see it happening.

no need to worry there are tons and tons of attractive or nice guys around that I'm sure you will like and fell in love with... just look around, be yourself and talk to people.. it's your time to shine!

All I have to say is keep writing. It helps to just write things down and know that someone is listening, even if they are complete strangers. I will listen. :)
Try not to dwell on the future. That is my advice. I know it is hard but the more you think about what is going to happen the more horrible you feel, if it is something painful.

Thanks so much for your response. You're right-- jotting stuff down really does help. I'll try not to think so far off into the future, but unfortunately I'm one of those people who stresses about everything, and if I know what's coming, I can't help but think about it.

:) yeah not exactly the best advice. But hey maybe if you catch yourself whenever you start to do it... I don't know. It almost works for me. As for the teacher. Personally, I would not risk it. In this case, even if he is attracted to you, which may very well be the case. Attraction is attraction and love is love. If he loves his girlfriend he will just ignore the attraction I think.

You're very right, and as I said to the other poster, I'd actually settle for just being a friend, just so long as I could keep him in my life, but I doubt it'll work out like that. It'd be very nice though :)