You're Not Alone, I promise.

"Are you feeling alright today to go to the beach?" Alison texted me this afternoon.
"Sure." I said.
My mom and I had just gotten in a rather bad argument a few minutes ago so any time that I could spend away from her would've been amazing.

About half an hour later, Alison showed up at my door.
"Hey," She said. My mom and her talked for a bit while I got my stuff ready to go. Of course, my mom and I did a good job faking the happiness for a minute while we were in front of Alison. As we walked out of the house, Alison turned to face me. "You look so happy today--I missed this," she said, gently nudging my arm. "You guys make me really happy.." I said, reaching for her forearm for a moment and giving it a small squeeze. We looked at each other for a moment and smiled.

As we got in the car, I said hi to her kids and we drove away. When we got to her house, she made me some coffee and we sat down to talk for a minute. All of the sudden, her kids started making jokes about her age. (and she's really not that old and she's actually GORGEOUS in my eyes) However, I could see that she was slightly upset about it as she walked somberly upstairs to get dressed and ready to go to the beach. I felt soo bad. She called out "I don't appreciate it when you guys make remarks about my age in front of visitors!" "But mom, we always do that and we were just joking!" Her son called out. "I don't care, it's not nice!" she retorted.

Wait a minute--why was she so sensitive about her age? She's not even old! Hmmm.

Her kids and I stayed downstairs for a bit and talked about anything that came to mind. Suddenly, we got onto the subject about how cute Danny (a guy from our Aerobics class) is. Alison knows all of my secrets and she was the first one to know I had a huge crush on Danny. (She even made me dance with him at the New Years Party--after a few drinks, of course)
Suddenly, when I glanced over to my left, Alison was standing there listening to me talk about him. Her eyes looked sad and melancholic, but at the same time I knew she knew this was one of our tiny secrets. We met eyes for about 5 seconds in silence, until I looked away.

"So you've got a crush on Danny?!" Her son asked.
"Oh my God he's cute but--" her daughter added.
"No guys, I'm over him." I said, running my fingers around the ceramic coffee mug. "He's not my type.."I shot a tiny little glance toward Alison who just studied my every move.

We all got in the car and headed toward the beach. "Sweetie, sit in the front." Alison told me. I happily hopped toward the front seat and sat down. When we got to the beach, Alison's kids left before us and we sat in the front for a moment. "I'm so sorry about those age remarks..." "No, no no sweetie it's not your fault, trust me. It was them, not you. They don't think before they speak--and I know you actually do."
We studied each other for a moment and she blurted out, "It just hurts when they say things like that..." I took my arm and placed it on her shoulder. "I know, I know it is..." I whispered, as I leaned in to place my head on hers. She sighed. "Can we just stay for a moment like this..please?" she questioned. I happily agreed.

When we got out of the car, we went for a walk on the beach. Her kids followed. We talked about random things but nothing of too sensitive nature. Suddenly, I noticed a guy down the shore checking her out.
"You've got a little fellow down there checking you out, Miss. Alison" I nudged her slightly and teased.
She chucked. "He's probably married, or gay..like the rest of the guys in this town. But he is a cutie," she added. I looked down to my feet sadly as our hands accidentally brushed.

On the way home, we chatted for a bit but our conversation suddenly took a deep turn.
"If there's anything I ever tell you or ask you about that you don't feel comfortable with, please tell me" I stated.
She turned and looked at me for about 5 seconds, dead straight in the eyes. "I'm perfectly okay with anything you choose to tell me.."
"Are you getting child support??" I whispered. "You work soo much and from everything you tell me he doesn't seem like he's not helping much."
"He helps from time to time but...it's not a lot." she said.

After a moment of silence she turned and looked me in the eyes. "I know I shouldn't feel this way but I feel really alone...and scared". I felt my heart break at the seams when she told me this. I reached for her hand and held on to it for a moment. "I promise you, you're not alone. You're never alone. You have me--and I know it's not enough but...this breaks my heart...so much."
"You are more than enough to me," she said.
I just wanted to break down and cry and hold onto her so bad at that moment. Her kids were asleep in the back seat but I didn't care.
"You know you have me if you ever need anything, I'm serious. I know exactly how you feel. I feel alone and scared too. Things have taken a drastic turn for the worst lately and you can't imagine the stress I feel about going to college on my own and everything--I know it's nothing compared to your pain." I paused for a minute and asked. "How the heck are you so strong?"
"I act like everything's okay when it's really not." She stated. "We're so similar on so many levels it's really insane."
"I know...it is crazy." I said.
When she pulled up to my house I turned and gave her a hug. "Promise me you'll text me whenever you need me." I grabbed her hand and held it for a moment.
"I promise." she said. "I also promise this won't be the last time we'll be together."

And with that, we parted.

<3

I love her so so so so much. I'd do anything and so much more for her.



ALittleSecret ALittleSecret
18-21, F
Jan 13, 2013