I Came To Know...

What if everything was good and then suddenly wasn't anymore? It's so annoying, I'm just so bipolar. One minute I'm the happiest person in the world and then all of a sudden, I break out in tears. Well, today I had an excuse. As you all know, one of my family members died last week. I tried to push it aside, deal with other things. But today, it hit me. My uncle will never come back. I'll never see him again. I'll never talk to him or hear his voice.. His laugh... Or see his smile. Nothing will be the same. That was my thought process throughout the day. Depressing right? I was really happy and then when I walked into homeroom, I just became really sad... I think Mr.S noticed it too. He didn't ask. But he didn't make me do any problems on the board or anything. We did stare quite a bit (through my tears). I wanted to tell him, to go hug him and for him to tell me it was going to be okay. But it didn't happen. After class, Mrs.B came by and said that Mr.S was worried about me again, that he asked her if I was okay. I wanted to say, "Why doesn't he just come and ask?" But I just nodded and said alright. And about 10 minutes before his class, I went to see if he was in his room. He was, all alone, doing work I guess. I knocked on the door, I let myself in and said a quiet hello. He looked up and I noticed how his mood changed so quickly. He was distracted and he seemed stressed and I felt like when he looked at me, I was his light, his happiness. It's a quite special feeling I have to say. I smile for the first time that whole day and he returned the smile. "hey Rach, how are you today?" He asked. I shrug and say, "ehh could be better, im alright I guess." And took a seat in my desk and took out my journal and IPad. I started writing and getting really into it and then I had a feeling in my stomach, the one that goes, "DUDE A HOT GUY IS STARING AT YOU!" And I looked up and found him looking at me. I gave a sweet but short smile and he returned the favor. "Mr.S, is it okay if I sit in here? I won't talk or anything, I just need some alone time." I asked. He looked down and then looked at me again and said, "Sure Rach, whenever you need too." And I smiled again and went back to writing. I noticed that every few minutes, he'd look at me and then I'd look at him and idk... It wasn't awkward. I wanted to stay with him there forever if I could. It was nice, to have a sanctuary. Even though we didn't talk, I felt like our connection didnt even require talking. Sounds sappy, I know. But I mean it, he makes me feel and see things happier and clearer. Afterwards, I heard girls (some friends) from outside the classroom, asking where I was. Mr.S looked at me and goes, "do you want me to tell them you're in here?" I say no and he kind of laughed and said, "Good answer, you didn't seem in the mood for people today." He understood. He didn't even know what happened and he understood. I let out a small giggle and then the bell rang. That's when my happiness ended and doom came. Ugh. After all my classes and soccer practice, I begged to go to a basketball game. I went and he was there, I was kinda surprised.its a girls one so I thought he wouldn't be there, but he was. I tried to not look at him but when your eye even glances anywhere near someone as beautiful as him, you'd stare for hours, days, even years. I know I could just look at him forever. He was all the way across the gym, it was cold today so instead of shorts, he had on red jogging pants. Man, he looks beautiful in everything he wears. I noticed how much we stared at each other and it made me happy. And I heard him laughing across the court, like a REAL laugh, man, he's so cute. And the girls bet that he couldn't make a goal while sitting, and guess what! This man is so talented, he made it WITHOUT LOOKING! I can barely make it it while standing and looking! I smiled so wide, I noticed he looked my way after he did it. Was he trying to impress me? I don't know.. I don't. So, today was overall terrible. But seeing him and having our little convos makes everything worthwhile. Goodnight my darlings xoxo
arcticray arcticray
18-21, F
1 Response Jan 14, 2013

I love that ya'll can sit in silence and have it not be awk(: