Too Good To Be True

I tried too hard. I was so caught up in the idea of P and I hooking up, I was completely oblivious to the rest of the world, and for what now? Nothing.

Since New Year's Eve and my earring adventure, I noticed a drop in frequency of our conversations. He wasn't texting me at all, unless I texted him first, and even then, he was...quiet. As quiet as one can be over text messaging anyway. One word replies, and sudden leaving of conversations, but the persistent me kept going after him.

It was his birthday last week. I had gotten him a present, so after work, I changed into a cute blue (his favorite color) dress and my heels. I reapplied my makeup, brushed my teeth in the staff bathroom, and even changed into some sexy panties. I didn't know where this night was heading.

I asked him if he was home so I could bring him his gift. It was five in the evening, he should have been home...but he wasn't. So I leave it in his door. I go to the mall and chat with my friend. I waited until 8:30. I get a one word message: "Thanks." Thanks? That's all I get? A simple thanks? You're grinding me with your crotch and biting my neck one moment and now it's just "thanks"?

I foolishly try to stir up a conversation, which he was obviously not entertained by. I tried to see if he would invite me over. He didn't. I tried to get him to flirt. He didn't. Frustrated, I persuade my friend to take me out for drinks. God knows, I needed it.

Two hours, two scotches, a shot of Tequila Rose and a whiskey sour later, I was hammered. My friend was making out with some girl he knew from high school, so the drunken, emotionally confused part of me I like to call "Amelia" gets the brilliant idea to call P at 12:30 in the morning. He picked up, obviously irritated, and Amelia proceeded to embarrass me. She said something along the lines of "you don't like me, do you? I thought you wanted me. I want you so bad. Don't ignore me. Just one time. I think I love you (for the record, I DO NOT), you're so hot. Why don't you like me anymore?". He tried to calm me down and asked if I needed a ride home. I said yes.

He picks me up from the bar. I had sobered up a good bit by this time. He takes me to my father's house. I thank him for coming get me on a school night so late. He said anytime. He knew I would do the same for him. I turned to look at him. His eyes were focused on the road. He said he thinks we shouldn't talk as much anymore because we could never be anything more than a fling. I said I know and I wanted him to find someone to be happy with. After all he isn't getting any younger. He knew about the problems my boyfriend and I had. P said to forgive him for acting like an ***. We belonged together, and P and me just don't. I was upset, but I understood. I didn't want to be the creepy stalker almost-girlfriend.

He dropped me off at my house. He hugged me and kissed my cheek. I was foolish to think we would work out. The taste I had was nice, but we both need stability right now. We still plan to be friends, but we haven't talked since that night one week ago.

My boyfriend and I are back on good terms since a falling out we had over a party he had. We're dating again, sort of.

So this is the possible end to my posts here, and I apologize...but you never know what happens in the future.