Where We Go, Trouble Follows.

"Remember to smile!" I texted her this morning before class.

Wish I could say the same about my day...

When I got home from school I got a message from her.
"I'm not staying in class tonight, but my kids are."

My heart sank and beat slowly in my chest.
I honestly really, really, need to get over her...it's just impossible. It can't be healthy how head over heels I am for her.

I didn't text back until she texted back like 10 minutes later:
"But I'll see you anyways..."

I headed into class when it was time and she was sitting by the wall. I saw her, sitting next to Thomas. "Hey," I whispered to her. She leaned in and wrapped her arms around me. I looked over at Thomas who had his eyes glued to his computer screen.
"What's wrong with him? He won't even say hi..."
"He's just lost in his video game," she shrugged.
"I texted him today."
"What did you say?!"
"I said hi."
She whirled around and shoved Thomas on the arm. "Thomas" she hissed. "Say hi" I could hear her whisper behind clenched teeth. He looked at me with a blank expression, waved his hand at me, raised his eyebrows and looked away.

I shrugged and started turning a bright shade of red. My hurt was bursting at the seams and slowly letting the excess blood pool under my skin. I sighed heavily and looked out the window, tears threatening to stream down my cheeks. I felt a light tug on my hand.
I looked over.
"What's wrong?" she whispered.
"It's Tyler isn't it..."
"Yes. He's such a jerk--I'm sorry."
We locked eyes for more than a few seconds until I broke it.
Silence and tension filled the space of air between us.

After a long period of silence, Alison slammed her book shut and leaned in and whispered in my ear.
"Let's go talk ..outside."
I hesitantly followed as she got up, as the eyes of others closely watched us. We left the school and sat outside. She sighed.
"There's something wrong. I know you're upset--what's going on?"
"Tell me." she pleaded. "Talk."

I had a choice not to. As I tried to think of what I would say, I bit my tongue numerous times because I just wanted to say:

"I need you to come to class and quit bailing out on you. I miss you more than words can say. I love you, Okay? I love you so much. I'm stuck between what I feel and what I shouldn't feel. You're my best friend. I shouldn't be feeling this for another woman. HELP."

I paused a minute longer and shoved those thoughts deep into my brain and sealed them in the dark.

"It's...my parents, it's Thomas, it's school, it's......everything."
"What happened?"
"Well--what I told you about this weekend."
"Anger issues." I finally chocked out. I couldn't believe what I had just said.
She backed away, quite shocked. "You don't...strike me as a very...rebellious teenager."
"I'm not. I just don't know what's wrong with me."
"There's nothing wrong with you."
I turned over to met her eyes and we locked eyes for about 10 seconds.
"I feel...very alone." I whispered.
"Trust me, you're not. I'm right there with you."
"I mean, my mom's always arguing with me because of my lack of sleep and eating habits."
"Well, you do need to eat. I'll be honest with you, you look like you're not taking care of yourself." She paused, and then continued:
"Sarah I swear to you, if anything ever comes up where you need me--it doesn't matter what time of the night it is...call me. Please."

We stayed quiet and didn't talk about any other things for about a moment. I enjoyed the silence between us, as I just managed to look down to my feet and then back up at her. WHY CAN'T I JUST ******* TELL THE TRUTH OH MY GOD.

I lost track of time, while I looked into the glass window behind us to check up if all my other classmates were already starting their workout. Apperantly, to my mistake--they were, but I just didn't "process" that at the time. I stood up and looked at Alison for a minute and reached in and gave her a really really big hug. She took me in her arms for a minute and we just stood there together, in silence. "I miss you so much." I whispered.

Just then I heard the voice of Sean behind us, clearing his throat.
We both whirled around, Startled.
"Class time, SARAH." He said sternly--not even daring to look over at Alison.
"I'm sooo sorry. Oh my God I--"
"Get inside." he ordered.

When I got into the class, the instructor called me into his office.
"Why were you late to class? And what were you doing with Alison? I saw you look in the window three times--and what, you still sat there?"
"I was..we were..just talking, sir." Keeping in mind I couldn't lose my cool with him because he also happened to be a master of TaeKwonDo and could then, very well punish me for my apperant disrespect of my 'elders'.
"Talking about what?"
"What things..."
"What problems? Why not just talk to me?!"
"Because I--"
"No. You don't know Alison like I do. I know all of her sneaky tricks and games and lies. She already has enough problems of her own with her ex and children. You don't need to add to that burden. Besides, stop hanging out with the wrong crowd."
"We--She was just talking to me!"
"What's..." Don't ask. Don't ask. Don't ask. "...going on between you and Alison?" HE ASKED.
"I don't want to see you do this, ever again. Alison isn't a good person to be around. I don't want to see you around her, and I don't want you to talk to her.

A few tears slipped past my control as I quickly brushed them away.

The words echoed in my head and my mind finally took into account:
"There's absolutely nothing...going on between us."

During the rest of class with Alison's absence I was pretty depressed.

I called Alison up after class twice as I waited outside in the blazing cold for her to pick up. Those two times, it went to voicemail.
"are you there? I need to talk to you." I texted her.

She called back twice while I was in the shower, and then...I called her back.
" Hello?"
"Hey!" she exclaimed.
"How are you..?"
"Good, you?"
"Not good..."
"What's wrong?" She questioned.
I told her the story about what happened and what was said.

She took a deep breath.

"I'll be honest with you Sarah, this is no one's business. Us being friends shouldn't be of concern to anyone..."
"I know but apparently it is to some and now they want me to stay away from you and I'm heart broken because I don't want to lose you to something like this"
"I didn't mean to get you into trouble," she said. "I'll talk to them for you so they know it was my fault. I mean, you needed someone to talk to. Those idiots don't see what I see...you were hurting. You're a beautiful girl, Sarah, inside and out...please don't let this bother you because I'm not letting this bother me. We are friends for a reason...and like I said, I'm not letting you go."

<3 She's beyond amazing...guys.

It hurts.

(I'm serious..)
ALittleSecret ALittleSecret
18-21, F
Jan 29, 2013