I Used To Watch Him From Afar..

This boy

I've known him since elementary school. Well, we knew who each other were. I've had a crush on him for the longest time. We had barely talked until the beginning of this year. 

We mostly started talking because we both play soccer at school. He made a poster for me and one of my friends on the team for one of our games. Just out of the blue, he asked me about our game the next day, and said "hey, maybe I'll make you and [my friend] a sign for your game!" I didn't think that he was serious until he texted me! He got my number from someone to ask what out jersey numbers were. After that, we started texting, mostly about soccer at first, then school, then all sorts of other stuff. 

Soon after, we worked on the same part for our freshman hallway decorating for homecoming. It was so much fun, working together for hours and just messing around. That day, he asked me if I would wear his soccer jersey to his homecoming game. I was ecstatic, even though I knew it wasn't like what you think. His younger sister always bugged him that he never gave his jersey to anyone to wear on game days. I did wear it, and his sister and several other people that I knew certainly noticed.

Fast forward to now, about three months later. We are a lot closer than three months ago. We text nearly every to every other day. We talk in school now. I feel so comfortable talking to him, and the things that I could tell him after so little time. I feel more comfortable talking to him than some of my closest girls.

He really is my only close guy friend. I talk to a few other guys in school, but none that I have ever been this close with, and none that I have ever felt this way about. 

He is so easy to talk to. We can pick on each other and mess around, but we can and do talk about some very serious things too. He understands me so well and won't judge me for things. We are weird together and wouldn't think twice about it. He can say things to me that a guy would call him "g@y" for, but he knows that I won't judge him for them.

We both run track too.  We will both be starting the  academic all stars team at our school soon. He swims, I don't. I dance and I've done karate, but he doesn't. We both play in several bands at school. As well as being very involved in singing and acting. 

He's going to drop track this year, people think that it's because he's to busy, but he told me something else. This is his last year being able to do a show with his theatre company that he works with, and he didn't want to miss out. His friends from there are like family to him, as are my friends from my theatre camp to me.I felt so special and trusted that he would tell me what he's really thinking sometimes.

The hardest part is my school. People automatically assume that a guy being good friends with a girl makes it 'something more'. People have asked us in the hall about "when we started dating" and about "our relationship". But we truly are only just great friends.

I would now consider him one of my closest friends. I trust him immensely. It is so hard for me to not tell him how I really feel, like we could be closer than just friends, but I cannot risk loosing this relationship. It matters so much to me. 

I  am not sure how he feels about me...

 I know that he likes me. 
I fear that I am correct in thinking that it is just as a friend.
 I do not know if he knows how I feel. It  drives me crazy sometimes. 
I don't know what to do about it. 

Then, add in the boy that has had a crush on me for a year that I do not like like that in any way at all. It is increasingly hard to know what to say to him.

I do not know where to go from here. He began as my crush as i watched from afar. He is now my valued friend. I can not hurt him. I am unsure of what to do.
brighteyes723 brighteyes723
18-21, F
Jan 8, 2013