I Am In Love With Someone Else and My Husband.

Ive been married for 15 years, together for 18 but there has always been another I have been in love with and he in love with me. We loved each other before I got married but I chose my husband over him because he was older and more stable.(we were high school sweethearts and i had come from a bad home life) During my marriage everytime my husband and i split (usually over his cheating) i ended up seeing this person but always went back to my husband because of my children. This other person and I even cut all communication from each other for 8 years but the whole time missed each other dearly. We have since become friends again but the spark we feel whenever we are near each other is overwhelming. We have tried to resist allowing things to go farther then friends but both of our feelings are so strong. I wont leave my husband because he has been a good husband these last 6 years. And because his health is failing and we still have children. But Im so in love with this other person that I wonder am I missing out on what should have been? This person has married (for tax reasons and thats not comming just from him) but has never been able to love another the way he loved me. A big part of me wants to just lead a double life with him but Im afraid he'd get hurt not being able to have me all to himself untill after my husband passes (which could be a long time as diabetes is destroying his body, he has vascular disease and other complications now but is still relatively young) and then we would even lose the friendship we have restored. I have never loved or been with anyone else in my life and am normally a very committed person who keeps my promises even at personal sacrifice. And I have already committed that I will never marry another once something happens to my husband unless it is this other person. Im so torn on what I should do as just being in the same room with him just about drives us insane and deep in both our hearts we would like nothing more then to spend our lives together as more then friends.
jazmina jazmina
31-35, F
7 Responses Jul 31, 2007

What a sad, sad story. What finally happened? I wish you all the best in your journey...

Your husband doesn't derserve your loyalty he Never gave you his, a failed marriage does not a bad person make. even my pastor was divorced and he is one of the nicest charitable people I know and his second wife have been happy (and faitfull) for the last 20 years.

You really need to talk to your lover about his real intentions! Real love is very, very rare and obviously you must be sure before you do anything drastic. Your husband might live another 30 years and if what you are saying is authentic then why are you wasting all your lives unfulfilled?<br />
You have tried fighting it: perhaps it is time to give in, just a thought, as at present we have 4 unfulfilled people when if all works out we could have at least 2 perfect lovers!<br />
I used to be all for the morality side: until 3 years ago I nearly died: it made me realise just how very brief life is and how we should not waste a moment of this precious gift. People get hurt, be gentle, but follow your heart. Good luck.

I have to agree 110 percent on this. Real True Love is indeed so rare, a lifetime is NO GUARANTEE one will find it! Real true love is always worth fighting for.. worth living for.. or dying for!

I don't want to sound "bad" but if you really love each other, why are you destroying each others peace of mind? Let's face it, both of you are married. Why don't you just enjoy your marriages and if God allows then you'll be free to love each other without any worries at all. Stop communicating with him again. It might help....

I can feel the sadness in your story. The tax thing I believe not to be true. I do not want to judge. But I truly beleave people do not ever marry fur that reason. It pains me to think you believe him. No for nothing it would be easier for him to give money to charity, and more honest. I do not mean to be harsh,

Okay- I may not the most popular person here in saying this. If your husband was in better health- he would still be out there cheating on you. Right now he has his *ick between his legs because he needs you to take care of him. <br />
If the other is still married- have the affair, you need that emotional support from that person and it is something very important you need right now. Just take it one day at a time and make it the best one day at a time possible. You need to take care of yourself first because if you don't how are you going to be able to take care of everyone else. I would talk to the other person and be very open with him- let him make the decision is he wants to go further with this so it will be choice. If he is willing to take that chance- then by all means GO FOR IT !!!!!! Good luck !!!!!!!

I'm not criticising anything you are doing because I think you are in a difficult position.<br />
<br />
However, one thing you say does not make sense at all: You say, "Im afraid he'd get hurt not being able to have me all to himself untill after my husband passes"<br />
<br />
Don't give this another minute's thought - your lover is MARRIED! You don't have him all to yourself either. <br />
<br />
And you don't know for sure that he will leave his wife for you when your husband passes - he might not. So make sure that you have a Plan B in mind for that eventuality.