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I Can't Forget You.

“It only takes a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone & a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone” ~ Unknown
Back in grade 10 when I heard that qoute I thought "Pfft, right. That's just stupid. It takes YEARS to really love someone enough that you're heart will hurt after a small period of knowing them" I was the against love teenager. "Love is stupid!" "It never lasts!" I had no trust in anyone and I believed no one woul understand me well enough for me to like them.
Well, low and behold, 3 days after reading this ridiculous qoute I met someone who rocked my world (sorry for the corny lines but it's honesty) His demeanor was so calm and made me feel safe and untouchable. His eyes were a force to be reckoned with, I continually got lost in sheer blueness of them and his little smile that he flashed when I walked in was so inviting and peculiar. I still remember it now-3 years later. So innocent, y'know, one of those little out of the corner of the mouth mischevious smiles. He pulled that little smirk and did the 'look at his feet and look back at me' head swings. So I smiled heartily back, welcoming his cute little smile into my mind.
I had talked with him for a mere 30 mins and knew I had to swing by again and talk more. As Ieft I caught him staring and he embarrasingly looked down at the ground and I caught that little smile again. I had a crush on this man. By the end of our next talk I liked him and as our collective little chats turned into a full days worth of chats I already loved him. Just the thought of him brought chills down my spine, my knees would be weak and my palms sweaty. Even so I still denied it, I was of course the "love-hater". Then I found that over the summer I'd miss him terribly. My heart would hurt. I'd never felt this before but I found that it hurt everytime I thought of him; of his powerful and calm nature. I was in some sort of strange almost phantom like aching pain and all I knew was that I needed him. I needed to hear his voice and be caressed by it, taken away by it.
Now as I leave my high school years behind me, I don't know how I'm going to find someone I loved quite as much as I loved him. My heart is aching as I write this and think about the sweet smile he would share only with me - every single day for three years.
I want to pursue this, but I can't because our lives might as well be in seperate dimensions. For starters, he is 30... and I am 18. 12 years of age seperate us. Second, I don't know exactly how he feels about me. I don't want to destroy a great friendship over my feelings, atleast, I don't want to risk it right now. I'm just really confused basically.
I feel in love with a man I shouldn't have and not my heart is paying for the reprocusions and it has been for 3 years now. I wish I never switched schools. I never should have fixed anything. All I did was break my own heart in the process of trying to fight for it. So now I play the waiting game, choosing to wait will kill me but right now it'll feel nice if he contacts me first, it'll feel nice to know that he was thinking of me as I was thinking of him.
"If you love something, set it free; if it comes backs it's yours, if it doesn't, it never was." - Richard Bach.
That's how profound my love is right now, I'm using corny qoutes to explain it because my own just aren't enough right now.
FightHate FightHate 18-21, F 2 Responses Jul 1, 2010

Your Response


I just found your post. And I have some advice for you. I am there also. I met my Eternal love when I was 14 and he was 22. I am 46 now and I have loved him all of my life. Something happened that prevented us from getting together, as planned, 8 months after his mission was over. It was a tragedy... 32 years later, I felt prompted to let him know what happened. I wrote him a letter and it broke his heart. He still loved me. We never had words... we only had that eye contact that you talked about and we shared a faith. When he couldn't find me, he ended up marrying someone else (never knowing why I disappeared.) It was beyond my control. I was so young. He wanted to see me. We met at the airport. We were in the presence of other people and once again, we only had eye contact that was intense and deep. Nothing else existed around me. I could hear no one, but only felt deep love... still after 32 years. For us to be together, he would have to break a family and I could never ask him to do that, but I did tell him how I felt about him in a letter and he knows that our love is forever. And I know that he will always love me... What you feel... if it is real, it will always hurt in your heart. The best way I can describe it is... you can spend a life running from it, like I did, or you can be true to yourself and tell him. Find him, tell him face to face or through a letter, the secrets of your feelings, thoughts, and your heart. The odd's are that he feels the same and doesn't know what to do with those feelings. Maybe someday you will be together again. If it is love... the true kind... it is forever. It will never end. If you ever lost love, then you never truly had it. And few people find the kind of love that you and I are talking about.

I don't really have any advice for you but OH how well I know your pain. I am in love with an older man- a man for many reasons I can not have. My heart is broken just like yours. The pain is almost more than I can stand. He is the most gentle, kind loving man with a smile that melts my heart. I know I will love this man with all my heart til the day I die. I have been telling myself that very saying "if you love something set it free". I wish we could have a miracle and they would come to us and some how it could all work out... maybe yours will, I don't see much hope for my situation. I wish you the best and much happiness in the future.