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I Am In Love With Someone I Can't Have

I am in love with someone I work with but I can't have him because he already has a girlfriend. We connect on so many levels, I don't think I have ever met anyone who understands me and who shares my interests as much as he does (even my 7 year long ex). I think I am actually in love with him but he doesn't know that. He knows I like him though and he likes me as well - we've talked and he said if he didn't have a girlfriend then we would be together. I know he talks about me when I am not there too. What makes it worse is I don't think he is that happy with his girlfriend (people say they have problems and he doesn't talk that positively about her) and yet I think he is too afraid to leave her because of his emotional state of mind. It's so bittersweet...
oceansgirl oceansgirl 21-25, F 15 Responses Feb 16, 2008

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know how you feel

Same situation actually close, I was married and am Divorcing and I am in Love with a Man I met before going through my Divorce. My Divorce was going to happen regardless.long coming!
He was... is also In an unhappy relationship ,yet claims to love me and wants to be with me,
He lives with someone 7 years and is sticking it out for her son.??? he is 16
Claims he is going to leave . I broke it off with him because its wrong to be his side dish.and I wouldn't want someone doing this to me. Neither one of us are cheats ,we didn't plan on falling in love, it started as friendship.
I am so sad as I want to be with him,yet don't want to lose him.
Lately we are starting to communicate through text.I don't know what to do.
I do have a new rule as far as friendships with MEN go if you are married or involved. DONT Go there!

I would tell him. Brace yourself for words you might not want to hear but if you read some of my stories well you will see that telling a man how you feel sometimes gives you an answer your not expecting. Be brave and tell him until you do you will never know if love was sitting just round the corner.

I am in the exact situation. Its hurts how much I crave this guy. Love, not lust.

I know how you feel also. reading this line just makes me hurt with love cravings for my beloved but she doesn't know

wow...i have an almost similar situation except its not with someone i work with and he doesnt love me back...but if i were u then i would definitely tell him how u feel from ur heart and....whatever desicion he makes..so be it cuz everything happens for a reason

I feel your pain. Very similar situation for me except the man is married... I wish you the best and hopes that he can find a way to easily break up with his gf so the both of you can be happy!

how do you fall out of love with a married man?

Are you being serious or sarcastic... If you are being serious I'll be happy to answer, otherwise I'll leave the sarcasm alone... Thanks

most definitly serious. no sarcasm in me. I have been in love with my best friend also a married man for three years now. I cannot let go, we've both tried. just looking for any advice

I honestly wish I had some great advice. The thing I have heard the most from people that are healing and moving on is to cut contact. No FB, no phone, no working together.. I cut contact with my MM for two weeks and it was the hardest thing I have ever done. We saw one another at an event after and began texting again but we have not been intimate since... I now have a guy friend that I really like... We spend a lot of time together, he makes me feel good and we get along really well. Im not saying you have to get another man to move on... but I personally could not even try to move forward until I started dating.. As I said before my MM and I still chat from time to time but I accepted he isnt leaving his wife.. He will always try to have his cake and eat it too as long as I keep myself available as a "side option". It sounds harsh, but I know he cares about me just not enough to be with me... I want a man that wants to be with me... that would not be able to handle being with me like this.. It has been a year.. thats way too long. i will always love him and i dont beat myself up about that. He knows I love him. But I also cant sit on the side hoping that one day he will be with me.. For me it was just too heartbreaking...

I had a hard time reading your reply through my tears. its refreshing to not feel alone in this journey. I am two years in, I've cut communication twice only to return after a month. I honestly on my face cried and prayed for strength to let go. he reels me back in by my heart everytime or my hormones. I have decided to start dating, actually first date tonight. I think that will beer my only hope to not being the other woman any longer.

*be...not beer. although one or two sounds good today.

I hate to hear that youre going through this.. I know the feeling all too well.. I sat by a pool for an hour and contemplated drowning myself when my MM broke up with me the first time... I would have to say it was an all time low.We spoke on the phone yesterday and he told me that we simply have sexual chemistry.. thats it and im too emotional for him... So basically thats that. It sux... I will post a story about it soon you should read:) Best of luck on your date and dont be discouraged if it doesnt go well! Not everything is perfect or easy

thank you I can't tell you how much stronger I feel just reading your familiar words. my date went well although I spent too much time thinking about how I got here. anyway, stormy day outside my place, and inside my emotions. we women are soft and emotional because God made us that way. Don't change that or trade it for any temporary sexual chemistry. chat with you soon. thank u for sharing. can't wait to read your story.

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Hey, I have a similar situation but this guy doesn't even have a g/f, he's single, and giving me all the signals he likes and fancies me apart from asking me out. Driving me mad some people say that when they don't ask you on a date they think they're better than you and you're out of there league and they're ''just not that into you'' God! that phrase really iritates me!! :)

Are you from Ireland? Like your in ireland right now?

I know exactly how you are feeling. Im talking to a guy who has a girl friend and is always like if i didnt have a girl then i would date you and stuff. and he says he talks to me more... shouldnt he just break up with her then?

I understand how you are feeling. I am in love with one of my sorority sister's ex boyfriend. Its a messy situation bc even though he is single and feels the same way about me, I can't have him bc he is "off limits". Im just stuck just waiting till this girl graduates and then we can be together. Just hang in there. Make sure you are always in the back of his mind. Sooner or later, he will figure out that he is meant to be with you and not her.

I was also thinking about the "if I didn't have a girlfriend" comment. Poor girl. I would hate to think my boyfriend ever says anything like that to other girls. And as for their relationship seeming not to be doing well...I've heard that before. He probably vents at work about their problems but you have no way of knowing about all the good things in their relationship that you could end up taking from them. sorry if this came off harsh but all I'm saying is put yourself in her shoes. How would you feel? It's not right. Wait and see if their relationship ends and then flirt with him and see where it goes. But if he doesn't end it with his girlfriend then he's happy with her. Don't take that from them.

What I don't understand is when people say, 'I would be with you, if I didn't have a girlfriend'. It's like jumping from one hot pan for another. These type of people just need to be alone. Regardless of whether or not he's happy or nto (as you perceive him), imagine if you were his girlfriend and how heartbroken you would feel to hear that coming out of his mouth to another woman?<br />
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Now, let's say he did break up with his girlfriend to be with you, how do you know he won't turn around and do the same thing to you?<br />
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Also, the although the relationship you have may be wonderful -at work- how do you know the relationship might work outside of the only environment you have ever encountered each other at?<br />
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How do you know flirting with you and 'being with you' -at work- isn't just an escape?<br />
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It's possible you two have feelings for each other, don't get me wrong, but to me, if he really cared about you, he would end things with his girlfriend of his own voalition, not be coerced. And you may not purposefully be doing it, but anytime this has happened where there is another woman in a mans life and he 'magically' breaks up with her to be with another girl, he usually ends up going back because there was unfinished business.<br />
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It is best to stay friends and see where things go. If he breaks up with her, great. Maybe you guys have something but take it slow to see where his heart really is, maybe it's better for him to be alone. But if you tell him how you feel, it may end up confusing him more and his intentions of being with you may get twisted.

this just helped me so much, thank you so so so so so much

Jeez, all these women who are in love with the unattainable. No doubt he does love you but he's not going to marry you. For women, marriage is the ultimate goal, for men, it's sex. Hopefully not that old boring married sex. Karma

Me too. I love him so much. When the girlfriend calls I brace myself and act like nothing hurts me. Then I come home and cry, feeling stupid. She calls a lot (seems insecure to me) but I don't know much about their relationship. There was a period he never mentioned her but he is again. I can see he feels the same way about me as I do him. It is in his eyes. But I doubt we will ever be.

Are you still married Silk Spectre? Because if you are I can understand why he might be reluctant to give up even a poor relationship with someone who is available, for someone who may or may not leave their husband, and maybe he is such a good man that he doesn't want a broken marriage on his conscience. That is the conclusion I came to about my Work Guy.<br />
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You told me months ago you were getting over him, that I would get over my guy, and now I think I finally am beginning to, and it took a) him to give up and ask another girl out and b) me to realise that I have nothing honest or healthy to offer him. He's already screwed up enough without me.<br />
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Still, that realisation doesn't help things at home much. It just makes life duller and less crying-alone/bursting-with-joy rollercoastery.

Hello, I know how you feel because I am in the same situation. I'm in love with a doctor that I work with. He connects with me on every level too. After making small talk with me, he began to actively flirt. Not just on a small level, but in the way guys flirt when they're seriously interested. He is married though, which is very sad because I wish I'd met him before he got married. I sense he's no longer in love with his wife. The sad thing is, he adores me, but I'm not a homewrecker. However, I love him so much that it's becoming harder and harder for me to face him, and deal with him on a professional level. You see, there's this tension between us. I feel it, and I'm certain he does too. Lately whenever I'm around him, he becomes very nervous and stammers a lot. And when I ask him a question regarding something on a professional level, he gets short with me. I don't think he means to snap, but I know he feels the tension and feels powerless to do anything about it. I wish he had the courage to leave his unhappy marriage, and join me in a life of total bliss. He's not a bad man, and I'm not a bad woman. I just think we found each other when it was too late, but perhaps it will change in the future. I'm hoping so, because I know I'll never again, cross paths with another man like him.