I Am In Love With Someone I Can't Have
I am crazy about one of my very close friends.
Let's just say he is the bees knees. I do know that he has bad traits but I don't even see them when I think of him. He just seems intensely perfect to me and I think it's because he is honestly a better person when I'm around.
We met at fourteen when we went to band camp together... yes band camp. I actually thought he was kind of stupid, as girls usually do think of boys at 14 because of maturity gaps. We were friends though, in a way. It wasn't until we were 17 that we became very close and had feelings for one another but never said a word to each other about it, we both just knew and that was good enough for us. We lived far apart so we only ever saw each other at camp and during the year between camp I started dating a boy from home. This made things messy between us when I went back to camp as I was with my boy friend, he was really mad and because of that treated me very meanly. He started going with my closest friend (which made me upset because deep down inside I knew I still had the same feelings although I told no one). That lasted over a month in the summer but when I broke up with my boyfriend he was right there comforting me all the sudden, he stopped being mean and he decided he didn't like my friend anymore. Nothing came of it though. Then the next summer came and we were both 19 and we were crazy about each other. Still never speaking of our emotions to each other we spent all of our time together just being close friends, talking about life, the world, sharing our similar interests. And the best part of it was we would be in the same city for university in the fall, living less then a 10 minute walk from each other.
I was ready to tell him in the fall after camp (I had found out from an inside source that he didn't want anything mentioned of feelings while at our camp because it would make it a summer fling and he wanted the real thing, so I kept my mouth shut). Come the fall we began to hang out but I didn't have the courage to express how I felt and neither did he because he is more shy than me. Then he learned in October that he had to move away to a different province a semester earlier than planned so we had just a few months. I think because of that he started to grow distant from me on purpose.
Anyway now we are both 20 and I still have feelings for him that I'm trying to suppress and end but I'm having trouble. He lives at least a day trip away which includes a plane and 8 hour drive. I think he has come to terms that it won't happen anytime in the near future and I am busy trying to get my heart to come to term with what my brain already knows.
It's just hard to do, that's all!
Let's just say he is the bees knees. I do know that he has bad traits but I don't even see them when I think of him. He just seems intensely perfect to me and I think it's because he is honestly a better person when I'm around.
We met at fourteen when we went to band camp together... yes band camp. I actually thought he was kind of stupid, as girls usually do think of boys at 14 because of maturity gaps. We were friends though, in a way. It wasn't until we were 17 that we became very close and had feelings for one another but never said a word to each other about it, we both just knew and that was good enough for us. We lived far apart so we only ever saw each other at camp and during the year between camp I started dating a boy from home. This made things messy between us when I went back to camp as I was with my boy friend, he was really mad and because of that treated me very meanly. He started going with my closest friend (which made me upset because deep down inside I knew I still had the same feelings although I told no one). That lasted over a month in the summer but when I broke up with my boyfriend he was right there comforting me all the sudden, he stopped being mean and he decided he didn't like my friend anymore. Nothing came of it though. Then the next summer came and we were both 19 and we were crazy about each other. Still never speaking of our emotions to each other we spent all of our time together just being close friends, talking about life, the world, sharing our similar interests. And the best part of it was we would be in the same city for university in the fall, living less then a 10 minute walk from each other.
I was ready to tell him in the fall after camp (I had found out from an inside source that he didn't want anything mentioned of feelings while at our camp because it would make it a summer fling and he wanted the real thing, so I kept my mouth shut). Come the fall we began to hang out but I didn't have the courage to express how I felt and neither did he because he is more shy than me. Then he learned in October that he had to move away to a different province a semester earlier than planned so we had just a few months. I think because of that he started to grow distant from me on purpose.
Anyway now we are both 20 and I still have feelings for him that I'm trying to suppress and end but I'm having trouble. He lives at least a day trip away which includes a plane and 8 hour drive. I think he has come to terms that it won't happen anytime in the near future and I am busy trying to get my heart to come to term with what my brain already knows.
It's just hard to do, that's all!
Age:
18-21
