History Tends To Repeat Itself....

I am in love with someone and met him four years ago, he just recently got engaged to be married. I am so happy for him but it reminds me of the fact that I am no longer near to getting married. It hurts so much that I want to die. The pain would never ever subside. No amount of alcohol or chemicals would ever remove the pain that i am feeling. Nothing. I may say that I am okay. Deep down i know that i am lying and that it hurts so much.

Then I met this guy that I am so getting a very deep connection with, We share so much things in common and we get each other in a sense that its uncanny. There are times that we are amazed at how we are so in tune with each other. I would not be surprised if he told me that he knows what i feel for him. I know and feel that I am falling for him and I know again this would be another unrequited love. It hurts so much. I am so in love that I know within myself I am looking for signs that maybe he likes me that I know Im just making things up with my mind. I have fallen for him, I also dont want to lose him as a friend. He means so much to me. I want him to like me as a person at least. I can be content knowing he is alive and breathing and well and safe.

It definitely hurts that I can not have him, I am doomed to never find love in this lifetime and that is what hurts. I am resigned to that fact and have accepted it a long time ago when I was still trying to get over the other guy. I am doomed never to find love in this lifetime. It still hurts that i will never find love in this life and the acceptance of the fact has lessened the pain but it still has not numbed the pain. It is still there. I know one day I would have full acceptance of the fact and that i can have the strength to care less about me not finding love.
zen0000 zen0000
26-30, F
1 Response Dec 5, 2012

Saying things like "never" will have you to believe that love wont find you. Its just a matter of believing you will and painting a positive picture in your head that some one will find you, and if not, its not the end of the world. No, really, it isnt. If I were you, I'd just not sweat finding someone and enjoy life. Sitting around being sad you don't have anyone will just cloud your outlook and make it worse. I know, I've been there and I have bad days still but I havent resigned myself not to find love, its just "not now". For all the suffering you're feeling, that only means when you get your guy, it'll be the most sweetest feeling ever.