Childhood Love, Bad Timing
So I've been in love
with a guy for pretty much my whole life. I'm 16. I met him in kindergarden, I had, the HUGEST crush on him! I was way, way too shy to tell him, in fact, I had no friends back then because I was scared of the other kids... Anyway, through elementary school I made a lot of friends but I still had this crush on him, he was so cute and super funny. His friends made fun of him a lot and I felt like nobody understood him but me. Last year of middle school, we finally were in the same class, I was the happiest girl ever! I could finally actually be good friends with him (cause I was too shy to talk with him before, so I never really talked to him). Of course he knew me and stuff but we weren't close but that year, we definitely connected. I remember this particular day very well : 19th december, his birthday. I was the only one who remembered in the class and he was so happy. We went to a trip to a sort of outdoor museum that day with the class and I spend the whole day with him. Greatest day ever. We played together and even held hands a little bit... We had a good end of school year but then I heard news that broke my heart, he was going to a different school the year after, which wasn't close at all from mine. I really wanted to tell him how I felt but again I was too shy and I was sure he wasn't his type and stuff so I let him go. I didn't want to lose contact with him so I sent him letters and cards for his birthdays during middle school. I soon realized it was no longer a crush but true first love. I couldn't stop thinking about him. Now let's go to about 3 days ago. I was on facebook and I saw a picture that made me really, really sad. He posted a picture of him and his new girlfriend kissing. I saw others in the past where he hugged girls (ex girlfriends) but this one was different. He looked super happy and his girlfriend was Asian, just like me... I feel like I could've been her. It's weird but it's how I feel, I missed my chance and now there's nothing I can do cause he loves her. It kills me cause I love him so much. And I'm scared to never be able to move on, I mean, I never had a boyfriend or a first kiss for so many reasons but mostly because I was blinded with him. Now I have no idea what to do.