I Loved Them Both...

I met my boyfriend 1 year and 8 months ago.
I met my best friend 1 year and 8 months ago.
2 boys, same time.
I fell in love with both but only 1 fell in love with me, or so it seemed.
The boy that I am with now I love unconditionally.
Though while I was dating him until about one month ago I still loved my best friend. All I could tell my boyfriend was that we were the best of friends. I loved my boyfriend and didn't want to hurt him; i knew it was wrong. I remember a time when we were saying confessions and secrets and I told him I once liked him. A lot. And we'd flirt around and it got to the point where we were going to go out together as a friend thing nothing more but I said he had a girlfriend and he said, "Oh, yeah... you too." And so i told him again how I liked him and he wa sokay with it because he knows I will never act on my emotions because I didn't wan tto hurt my boyfriend. I remember the text that said, "You never know what will happen in the future." It's so wrong, but it gave me hope that we would be something more. I snapped put of it and realized how wrong this was. But I didn't want to leave my best friend behind. Even though we were both dating other people I constantly flirted and he seemed to back. I knew this was all wrong. I finally had to force myself to choose and I chose my boyfriend. In retrospect my boyfriend was the one I could see myself having a family with and treating me gently. The best friend was going to graduate this year and go into the military and told me he did not want kids. I thought my boyfriend was the right choice. So I texted my best friend. I told him I still liked him. I could never tell him I loved him. But I did and I honestly can't tell you if I do still or not. I told him I didn't think I could talk to him anymore. That it was ruining my relationship with my boyfriend. I told him this wouldn't be a forever thing just until my insane love for him diminished. I couldn't apologize enough because he always told me how I was the only friend who hadn't screwed him over. I just couldn't risk ruining my perfect relationship on one I wasn't positive would happen. I also remember his text back.
Was it wrong that I felt heart broken?
I hadn't talked to my (ex) best friend for about 1 month maybe a little less but it felt so long. The 'hi' s in the halls went away. The partnership in gym class went away. My best friendship went away...
Until yesterday in gym. We made eye contact as I was walking past him to go to my friend. We high fived and like in the movies as we walked in different ways we both looked back at each other for a second. I felt another strong connection. That night he texted me. He told me how he missed talking to me. I miss him too. But I can tell you that what I felt was such a huge emotionally different connection. It lacked strength and love.
I can admit that he will remain my best friend and I admit I care about him. I admit it kills me knowing he's risking his life this year after high school ends. I'll miss him. But I am in such a deep strong love with my boyfriend of 1 year and 5 months.
I'm in love with my boyfriend. I love my best friend.
We all need to sacrifice and realize our wrongs.
I lost a best friend...
BelieseY BelieseY
13-15, F
1 Response Jan 25, 2013

humans are doomed because our brain can feel atraction for two persons however the heart is strong that the brain, if he open the posibilitie to cheat his girlfriend, that means he also have feelings for you, now that if he is cutting contact, may be he believes you'll be happier with your boyfriend...true friends never abandon their friends