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Z For Zachariah

So, there is this guy... And actually, I normally feel attracted to every guy who gives me a bit of attention. Well he never did. We're at the same school and I had a crush on him for 3 years now. He's kind of a bad boy and he's english. Tall, blue eyes, blond hair, handsome, a bit older than me. The worst is that he's a hell of an artist, his drawings are really beautifull, and I know about art.
Anyway, "we" is completely impossible. First of all, I'm not his type, he likes thin blond girls, I'm fat and I dye my hair any possible colour but blond. And even if I was his type. I completly spoiled my chances last years when I was completly drunk (I mean completly) and asked my friend to ask him if he wanted to sleep with me. I' still ashamed of this. And I don't even know why I like him, I mean, even if I'm open minded and don't judge people on their sex lifes, I, myself, am more of a frigid virgin. And he's pretty... well, let's say... in too it. Anyway, we're like sun and moon : he does a lot of drugs, he doesn't listen in class, he doesn't respect authority a lot, he's a party guy, sociable and everything. I only do drugs like, once in a month, or less, I'm a really good student, I'm completly submitted to teachers and authority, I don't like parties, I'm not sociable, I'm actually kind of an introvert. The worst is that I keep fantasising about how we could build a family and live together and everything. He's like my ultimate goal in life and I know, one day... I'll sleep with him. This sounds a bit weird comming from me. But I think it would be a good way to "take revenge" or something, I don't know
And besides that, he has a girlfriend, but I never concidert her as a major problem cause he's cheating on her pretty often. But it might be a mistake of mine to underestimate their relation ship. Anyway, it will never be. At least, it won't be yet. But it was nice talking about it, made me feel better. Thanks.
DinosaurJunior DinosaurJunior 18-21, F 1 Response Feb 3, 2013

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hope this doesn't botter you but is the true... that guy is the perfect example of a jerk.why on earth you want a rebellious drugadict who cheats his girlfriend? only because he is handsome?many girls i knew are now married living a miserable life because they married this kind of guy, and they got married because they got pregnant.love is so beautiful and this guy seem to don't give a crap about love, snap out of it because what you're felling is only physical, is not really love.

Well, yeah, that's wath I thought first, but usually, if it's only physical, the attraction fades away after a few months. I know he's kind of a jerk, but he's also a great artist and... damn, I just realised he somehow reminds me of my brother... this explains a lot... anyway, sorry, I write as I think, well, I'm shure he's able to change, I wish I could make him change. That's a bit ambitious, I know. Anyway, thanks a lot for your answer. It actually helps me.

great, i thought i sounded mean, and there is something more, people never change, they can adopt new things but they'll never change, if he started bad he will end bad... now that i see it, this might sound cruel but only tragedies change the people and i don't think you want to be there when that tragedy happen, if someone have to change fate will do it.

Even though I know you're right, I can't stop thinking he's a lovely guy who just choose the wrong path. I'm pretty sure I could have a good influence on him. He truely is like my brother, but maybe for him it's not too late... It's weird to realise all this just like that and I don't wanna bother you with my family problems, but I guess talking about it really helps me.