I Truly Thought You Were The One, Now You'Ll Just Be A Burning Sensation

Loving someone you can't have is the hardest thing to realize.

I only knew the guy for 4 months, and it was long distance for most of the relationship. I met him as he was travelling to my hometown, he is Australian who had been travelling the world and wound up in Canada. From there we instantly connected when he asked me to kiss him at a club we were at, we were both very drunk... but the next morning we spent the entire day spilling everything out to eachother, talking for literally 8 hours straight... always having something to talk about, it was magical. I never felt a connection so real and honest as I did with this guy. Finally after spending so many days and nights with him he was going to settle at his final destination: United kingdom. I thought this was going to be the end of us, which I would understand because it was so far away, but he was confident that he wanted to keep this going, and I felt the same way and more at ease once he said it. I never cried over a stranger leaving me before like I did at that airport.

the first 2 months were amazing, we spoke every day, constantly talking about our love for music, life stories, philosophies anyhting really. I felt like i was on the top of the world whenever I hung up with him. He was the perfect man, smart, funny, ambitious, accent (who doesn't want that Australian Accent ;) he was everything in a package. I spoke to him about everything, when I was down or stressed I would come to him and he was supportive. He was looking for jobs in london and would ask me to help him with his resume, I thought we made a good team... well, everything comes to an end doesnt' it?

By the third month, everything turned to ****, we were both depressed with our lives, he was jobless and sleeping on a couch, I was home stressing over school and going through personal crisis. We were both not in happy places and it reflected on one another. things took a bad turn and he dissapeared for a while, making me reflect about everythingthat was us, I didn't want to just leave him even though he was acting completely selfish in detaching and avoiding me for 3 weeks, but I knew I needed to be supportive cause I really felt that this guy, there was a chance.

when he returned, we decided to just be friends for the time being. Until things got better.

From then he would message me every day, asking how I was doing. I knew he was depressed and not great so I always made sure that I was around for him when needed. I really believed that at some point he loved me, even though he never said it... I just knew that he probably realized the reality before I did; that if it was an easier situation we would have lived happily ever after, but this distance and unknowing future makes this something it cannot be. I had to realize it after he ******* hurt me.

one day i found he was being very distant, saying he loves london and that he might not want to go home. Then I saw a picture of him and another girl, her arms wrapped around his stomach. Something inside me grew with anger and I questioned it, where he started getting distant about it. Then my birthday rolls around and he does nothing but wishes me happy birthday through text. a text. After I spend ******* 150 dollars on his birthday package that was thoughtful as hell?? this is what I get from him, not even a moment of his time to skype or say hi. That crushed me more than anything. Especially after everything we have gone through.

Finally the last hoorah, I had been avoiding speaking to him for a few days, and finally i spoke to him, he told me he made mends with his ex girlfriend back in australia (they were together for 7 years, she cheated on him) and that "she is still a big part of his life" and also that he likes this girl in London and wants to pursue something. I was absolutely crushed. Now we don't talk at all.

it's onyl been 3 days, but I blocked him on everything, I can't keep having feelings for someone who could possibly not exist in my life, as much as I adore him, he is ruining me.

An Ep User An EP User
Feb 6, 2013