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Always Just Out Of Reach

Met this man that I thought finally had tact and liked things I liked and hated all the same things I hated :) !
We couldn't b separated for over 5yrs. We broke up 6 months ago and I can't move on! I'm lost on where to go from here. I know what I should do or I could b like him or most others and sleep with 20 different ppl til I find someone that I like. Now to look back on this 5 yrs that I thought we were perfect, and I noticed that everytime a yr rolled around mayb a little longer, he would find a reason we had to break up and he would " see what's out there" and that's just a nice way to say " hey u stay here and wait for me while I chk and see if the grass is greener on the other side" ..that happened at least 3 times I can remember and then this last time he had the most crazy reason for bein done with our relationship and he says for sure we r done and yet he talks to me on certain days for hours and hours and he swears he doesn't have a girlfriend but then he will tell me somebody like his brother stopped by and I won't hear from him til the following day around 2pm and so like I said earlier he's always just an arms length away and this hole in my heart and pain in my stomach wants him back more then anything however everything I know as an adult says let him go and walk away while I stil have my integrity and good sense about me because it will only take him one time to tell me he made a mistake and wants to b back with me and I would run into his arms as if nothing happened. However, I would always b thinking about the girls he's slept with while we've been broke up and I can't forget that either and I know I can't go back to him after he's been with other women, I just can't! So, here I am with nothing and no further then I was before. How do I make this go away? How do I stop the thoughts? How do I let him go and pretend like I'm ok with that and not turn around and tell him I love him? Why does it always feel like he's within arms reach yet stil so far away from me? I want to forget all about this , mayb tomorrow will b better for that....
Squeekarose Squeekarose 31-35, F 4 Responses Feb 19, 2013

Your Response


Hi honey, you know we are both in the same boat. You feel the pain cause you did love him. Its the ones who care who always gets hurt. Life will get better. I still have a little faith, and hope left. Its all we got

Oh Tink believe me I saw his face on Facebook and I **** u not he put green demon eyes on himself and vampire teeth lol what r we? 13??? Lol I'm just sayin is all???

Are you freakin serious? Lol, HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

I know right? What the ****? I swear he's like going thru this phase where he's gotta get out there and hit and quit it and play all these stupid games an I'm not kiddin u the girl he hooked up with has 2 kids like me and she has 1 boy and 1 girl, just like me, she is blonde, just like me !!! I mean is it me or is that just odd or am I reaching and searching for it to mean more???

Honestly honey we are reaching. I do the same thing, you know this. If you still truely love him, then fight to get him back. But be careful not to set your heart up for more pain. I have come to learn that men may settle, but they never truely settle, at least most. There great at telling you what you want to hear, but forget there actually may be a beating heart at the other end .

Im late on this as well but I hope u didnt follow this advice and fight to get him back, ie chase him?? When you chase things they run away. Sometimes If you love someone you just have to let them go.

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Either get him back by being competitive about it or decide that if you're going to put all that effort in, you might as well get an upgrade over him.

Oh trust me I couldn't go back now even if I really really wanted to lol. I'm done playing his games and he's slept with other ppl and I know me and I could never let that go so I'm not gonna punish him or waste my time on something that wouldn't go anywhere now anyhow :) I just had such a soft spot for this man and I don't know why but I just couldn't let him go for the longest time. I think a lot of it was that I had him up on this cloud that made him better hen all other men cause there was once a time that I woulda bet my entire life savings he wasn't capable of cheating or lying or just being a normal man ( wow did I get tricked hehee) and now I simply just know it was wishful thinking!! He proved me wrong and then reminded me of it on the daily lol...oh well nothing can b done about it now but to move on and hope the next relationship has a man with some staying power!!

My personal opinion is that your pride and principles are getting in the way of your happiness. What have your principles done for you lately? Or is it you doing everything for them? Not a rhetorical question - if you have a great answer I'd like to know what it is so I can grow as a person.

He's familiar and comfortable to you , I can understand why you put up with his crap . I have an ex with a drinking problem and I miss her even though she embarrassed the hell out me the last time . but she is smart and funny and she likes me

sometimes you just need to stop all communication and try to get your own life in order. keeping contact will just make you feel worse. you might get back together and im sure he will do the same thing and leave you again. i know you love him and cant stop thinking about him. but if you truly want to move on, you have to stop all contact with him.
good luck

I stopped all contact for like a month and then he has these 4 nieces and I've been around them literally most of their lives, it was 2 of their bdays and I sent a package with gifts, money, and candy and of course then we had to txt bk and forth bout that and I guess I knew that was gonna happen so I'm guilty of that one. Anyhow, he hasn't spoken a word of us gettin bk together and I havnt either and as a matter of fact I made it a point of lettin him knw without bein rude that we could never go there again and we can't because I know my limitations and he's already slept with other women. I can't go bk now. I'm just saying, this is just the strangest place to b in.. I'm just having a hard time replacing my best friend but he seems to have done it with a lot more ease then I could obviously lol I know what I should do and suppose to do but how do I not return that txt from him? How do I just turn my back when a friend needs 20 bucks? I know I don't owe him anything but it feels just as wrong not to help him out just because I can't have him, does that make any sense??

yeah i understand, i know its very hard to cut the tie to him. you can always find a reason why you need to contact him and why he might need to contact you. the truth is that they are his nieces and you dont have anything else to do with them. i think in some way you probably sent them something hoping you will get a reaction from him. but if you truly want to get over him, you have to stop all those things. change your phone number if you have to. do whatever it takes to not talk to him again. every time you talk to him believe it or not, you are set back. you will forever be stuck with him and you cant move on and give someone else a chance. also if you have facebook, either delete you account or block him. make it that you cant stalk his account and find out things that can make you feel bad..

I've erased everything other then my phone number simply because my sons hearing impaired and there is a ton o contacts that I can't even recall that have my number and he's not worth losing contacts for my son, my kids always come first! However, I do se ur point and ur probably right I did send those gifts hoping to get some kind of reaction but not just that but to let those girls know that even if I never talk to their uncle again if they need something they can come to me. It's hard to explain why that's something those girls need to hear, they have had so many ppl including parents walk in and out of their lives and I hate the notion of being one more person they couldn't count on. Granted they arnt my nieces but when uve been there thru their births and up u til the split, mayb it's more for me and that's a good possibility but I just don't have the heart to walk away without letting them know that it wasn't because of them and they will always b in my prayers. Does that make sense? Hell I'm sure I sound bat *** crazy lol but I don't mind as long as I'm not hurting anybody else in the process lol lol

yeah i understand your reasoning behind why you sent the gifts. i know i sound cold hearted but you shouldnt feel responisible or feel like you need to be there for them because their family members are hopeless.. i guess their parents should have sent you the thank you text for the presents and not your ex. ive been through a bad break up a long time ago and i learned that i cant go through that ever again. it took me nearly 2 years to get over her because of the way she had a hold on me. but once i cut off all the ties i started to feel better. but then she would call my sister and mother. but i told them never to tell me that she called. i dont want to know. i dont care if you speak to her. just dont let me know. she rang up my mother cause she couldnt get in contact with me and told her that she is seeing some guy now and told her all these things. she thought my mother will tell me and i would go running back. but she never did until many years later.. so i learned if i ever break up again, i will cut all ties from the start and this way it will be better for me and i wont suffer so many years.

That sounds so painful and lord help me if it takes me years lol ... Ur right tho cause his niece was txting back and forth with me an this little boy was there and I was like" u got a boy staying the night? An mind u she's 11" and she was like its uncle Stevie's friends son but he's been here all weekend and he's bored. And now mind u I had been txting back and forth with those kids for at least 3 to 4 hrs and nobody had came out to check on them and then on Sunday the next day literally that boy and his mom walked out and he txt me and I knew it cause his niece was txting me the play by play not because of Steve but because she was saying " oh my friend is leaving now so ill b really bored " and she no longer sent me that txt and Steve txt me and asked if I was mad at him cause I didn't. Return any of his txts that weekend! I was pissed! I said nope I'm not mad and no u didn't txt me so stop actin like u did and perhaps next weekend u can tell ur girlfriend mayb her kids shouldn't have to date u all weekend as well! They have their own room and their own stuff and mayb sittin at a strangers house cause mommy needs a piece of *** is a little weird! Oh and don't txt me the moment she walks out the door!!! Lol so he of course gets all pissed off at the kids supposedly and I asked why and he's like it didn't happen that way and I said, ur just pissed cause u got caught up lol nothing more and nothing less lol but do u see how it can hurt that oh he didn't want me and my 2 kids but he can have this chick drag her 2 kids and sit at his house all weekend and then txt me the moment she walks out? It's all messed up lol lol advice please???

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