Bad Wife?

I have been together with my husband(Roy) ever since I was 14.. I fell in love with him
when I was 16, I started developing feelings for one of my best friends(Emmet). He was such an awesome guy. I had soo much fun around him.
Roy and I broke up for a while, and I started talking to Emmet in a more that friendly way. Emmet asked me to be his girlfriend, but I had to say no because I felt it was too soon to move on. We never kissed, even though we came close a couple of times.
When I decided it was good timing for me to start a relationship with Emmet, he told me he didn't think it was such a good idea. We decided being in a relationship would only tear our friendship apart so it would be best to be just friends.
Time went by, and Emmet and I stayed friends, and Roy and I got back together.
We got married when I was 18 and Roy was 19 (in 2010)
Marriage was hard but we managed to find ways to get happy with each other again.
There were some times where the fighting would get physical and I hated that.
I would end up bruised, or cut, or sore from my head where he would pull on my hair.
None of that has happened again for about half a year. But still, I am emotionally hurt by it
I kind of got tired of feeling neglected, unsupported, feeling like a maid to him(he expected me to keep the house SPOTLESS, wake up super early to make him breakfast, ect..) If I didnt do those things, he would yeall and offend me and say hurtful things.
During all of this, Emmet and I kept a great friendship.
I was assigned to put on a "play" with the youth of the church. I asked Emmet if he would help out because he was in drama in high school.
He accepted helping, and even though I asked him to help out only 1 time, he ended up helping me every week, for about 1 month and a half.
So, once a week, we would see each other, just for that activity
Roy knew how much hard work I put into this play but the day of, he didn't even go see this play.
For me, this was the final straw. I had soooo much hurt inside me, that him not being there, after ALL the hard work he knew I put in, just hurt me.
The day of the play, someone in the youth left Emmet's hat in my car.
So i texted him that night telling him I had his hat. I don't know why, but that night, all I could think about is how Emmet had always been there for me. How HE was always supporting me, not Roy.
The day after, I decided to leave Roy and get separated. I had already talked to him several times before of how I felt in our marriage, but he never seemed to care. He would tell me to shut up or that I was waay too dramatic (even though he would see I would cry so obviously, he knew I was hurting inside)
So I moved back with my parents, and Emmet knew about it. He knew about EVERYTHING. The abuse, the separation.
The week after that, I took Emmet his hat. When I did, he gave me a big hug, that lasted pretty long. I felt so safe and I felt something so strong. My heart was beating so fast and I could hear his beating very strongly and fast. He told me everything would be okay.
After this, we texted each other all day, and he made it clear to me he still had feelings for me.
I eventually told him what I felt hugging him.
After this day, he asked me to go over to his place just to hang out.
I did. We watched TV, talked about stuff, nothing romantic, but when I would leave, he'd hug me the same way.
Our texts would get deep, and I was in love with him by this time.
We hung out for that whole week, and one of those days, as I was leaving, he kissed me. It was like fireworks.
I definitely knew I was in love.
Emmet and I hung out every day for the next week
After this, Roy looked for me, asking and begging to go back. Promising change
I told Emmet about his, and after I did, he started backing off. he told me we could only be friends.
I was sooo heartbroken, because I really loved him. But felt soooo confused because Roy, my HUSBAND, was promising change and I felt like the right thing to do was give him another chance because after all, he was my husband still. My heart told me don't go back, but my mind told me, you have to, he's your husband. I was in a very weird place. But I told Emmet what I felt for him. He asked me not to text him and that we couldn't even be friends and to leave him alone. This hurt me so much.
But I eventually decided to go back to Roy, even though I REALLY didn't want to. I have no feelings for him anymore, except care. I really CARE about him, but I am not in love with him. It's so sad to me because I can tell Roy loves me and he has changed. He is a LITTLE controlling though. But overall, I can se the change in him. But, Emmet is gone; he moved out of the state. But I think about him ALL the time. I try not to. I try to see what a great life I can have with Roy. and try to see the good qualities in him, but no matter what, Emmet is always in my mind, and heart. I miss him, I want to be with him. I feel sooooo terrible for being married and feeling this way.
hoplessromantic456 hoplessromantic456
3 Responses May 11, 2012

if you don't follow your heart you will , you might spend the rest of your life wishing you had."

Emmet was your awakening. he came to your life to show you that you can still be happy and find someone who will appreciate, love and treat you well. that was Emmet purpose, this why he had to go. his job was nicely done! he opened the doors for you, so you could see that you have a chance to find happiness
now that you know how it feels to be happy and feel love, you should go after it if your relationship with your husband never made you happy. you are responsible for you own path, if you choose to stay its your choice and you have to live that forever.

i dont know why emmet did what he did. I'm sure hes a great guy but he didnt MAN up when he needed to. When your husband wanted to get back together i'm sure it damaged emmet's ego a bit. He assumed thats what you wanted (probably), and he left you. He was probably a bit jealous by your relationship with roy but if he was in love with you, which i'm sure he was, he should have stuck by you. I guess hes still young and doesnt know how to control his ego yet, most men dont. .. As for you and Roy. Look, husband or not, you don't want to spend a lifetime with someone you dont love. You got married young, I wont hastle you on that but if you dont love him then call it of. Even if he has changed, he could be a saint now, if the love aint there then get separated. Life can feel like a VERY long time if you're sharing it with someone you dont fancy. I love my girlfriend, which means i love her even with her flaws. If you dont love roy then his flaws are goina **** you off, even the small ones. Get separated before you waste your years away on him.