I Feel Awful

       I married my husband because it felt safe, I didn't really love him, but I was willing to live my life with him if he wanted. I got pregnant before I actually married him, and I think that's why I actually went through with it.  We have a beautiful little girl, who i love tremendously. But shortly after we got pregnant, my husband said that he only got me pregnant so I couldn't leave him. He tries to distance me from my family, says hurtful things about them, and does the same if I talk to anyone else. I'm not allowed to have friends without getting chastised for it. I constantly have to walk on eggshells so that he doesn't throw another tantrum. He yells at me in front of my daughter, and refuses to go to marriage counseling. I've tried many times to leave him unsuccessfully.  Recently, he even pulled my hair and pushed my head down....in front of my daughter. He says it was my fault because I embarrassed him.  I know I want to leave, but I don't know if I should.  Since we got taxes back he has been a little bit nicer, but I'm worried that once that money is gone he is going to continue to take his frustration out on me.

        I have recently started talking to someone, whom we'll call Carl, I used to date 3 years ago. We were together only a little while, but I felt with him like I have felt with no one else. I know I love him, but I still don't know if I'm 'in love' with him. If I do move out, I plan on living on my own for at least a year before I even start to think about dating anyone, and if Carl will wait that long, I'd probably pursue something with him. But I am honestly scared to leave my husband.  Any advice is welcome!

milada milada
18-21, F
7 Responses Mar 3, 2010

Everyone, especially WolfyWitch, is absolutely right. GET OUT NOW! Find someone you and your daughter can stay with. Hair-pulling is physical assualt. His next step will be blows. GET OUT NOW! There ARE other guys out there who will have you, and who will not be cruel to you. GET OUT NOW! You deserve better. Oh, and did I mention -- GET OUT NOW!

u need to get out,, go !! but if you do not want him to know where u are to avoid stalking, then you must plan carefully ,,tell no one,, and get your ducks in a row,, i could pass along some valuable details if you wish,,

Dont stay in a n abusive relationship and do not think that by doing so you are saving your children from pain. NO! Having experienced the pain that comes when parents suffer, I can ABSOLUTELY CATEGORICALLY tell you that staying in an abusive relationship will do far more damage to your child than anything. I cant stress this enough. GET OUT NOW!!! You're still very young and have your life and your childs life ahead of you. It is far better to be happy living in a tent, than to live miserably in a mansion.

Hi, I've been married to someone i wasn't in love for the past 5 years and i know exactly how you feel. Being with someone you dont love can be a huge drain. Its harder for me cause i never ever told her i dont love her cause she is just so fragile to handle the truth. I worry if i say anything its gonna just hurt her soo bad. i dunno what is harder to care about someone you dont love or love someone you cant care for. <br />
Your situation seems a bit more like your husband has a obsessive possessive disorder and he knows your not in love with him, and that makes it worse for him. I dont really have any advice for you, if i knew better i'd be in a better situation. hope things work out for you... just dont let someone hurt you physically... thats when they cross the line.

I've told my husband i want a divorce, and now he says that he'll go to counseling and he loves me and doesn't want to lose me. He has been nicer, and has less tantrums, but i've been to 3 counseling sessions and he still always finds an excuse not to go, though he says he wants to. i think the trust is already gone though, because even thinking of staying with him makes me completely miserable. i don't love him, but i don't want to hurt him. And i have my daughter to think about, he is such a good father to her, no one would believe what a bad husband he is to me. i want her to be happy more than myself, but i fear staying miserable in this marriage is causing more harm than good for her.

Seriously, sneak out in the middle of the night or while he is at work, talk to the cops, swear out a retraining order on him, tell about all the abuse he has put you through. But you need to get out and get out NOW. Not only is this environment poisonous to you, but it's also poisonous to your child. My gods, most people treat their dogs a helluva lot better than that. He doesn't even treat you like your human.<br />
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GET OUT OF THERE NOW. You DO NOT deserve any of this ****! Neither does your daughter. Find someone to stay with, even if it's your family. If you don't have your own car (judging by his controlling behavior, I'm guessing that even having your own car is too much freedom in his eyes) then arrange for them to come and get you.<br />
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Your "husband" sounds like a sociopath psycho and, lemme guess, he's a Cancer?<br />
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Leave. Get out ASAMFP and this time, don't look back. He'll try to bully you, threaten you, and do whatever he can to get you back under his control. DON'T GIVE IN. My ex has been trying to do the same ****. You can do it.

I forgot to mention, I have been with my husband for three years and have never thought of cheating, nor do I plan to. But I feel like talking to this old flame is cheating. sooooooo confused