TOO Fast Too Soon?

Here's my story.  Going to try to keep it short but it's been bothering me lately and wanted to get it off my chest. 

First, about a year ago a relationship I was in for almost 4 years ended due to infidelity and I was crushed.  This guy was pretty much my first true love and I was 27 when we first got together and 30 when it ended.  I thoughy my life was over.  Thank goodness for the two little girls of mine....they helped me out alot and they don't even realize it.  Well a friend of mine was concerned with me because I wasn't eating, I lost 20 lbs in a little over a month.  Her brother was pretty much starting to go through what I was going through.  He found out his wife was cheating on him.  They had been together and married for about 6 years and had a son together.  She thought it would be good for the two of us to maybe talk and guide each other through this rough times we both were going through.  This is what we did.  I mean we talked on the phone for about a week before acutally ever meeting in person and the first night we met it was weird.  I am a very shy person but with him it was like I knew him for soo long.  Same for him.  We pretty much hit it off right away.  NOT like "relationship" wise just two people feeling comfortable with each other.  Well as time went by before we knew it we were intimate with each other spending alot of time with each other.  I look back now and I beleive that we sort of stuck to each other because we thoguht we needed that to get through what we were going through.  After approx. 3 months we were already telling each other  the three words "I love you".  Then came New Years Eve.  I had to work.  At the time I had lost my job because i wasn't staying focused like i should have and had taken a waitress job at a nice restaurant which was doing a special for New Years Eve.  Well I was suppose to hook up with him later ini the evening when we got off but I truely didnt' get done, cleaned up and out the door till after midnight.  We missed our first New Years together.  HE WAS PISSED!  Our very first fight ever!!!  He yelled and screamed at me and then all night long (or morning) I tried and tried to call him.  No answer.  New Years Day...nothing!!!!  I knew then what had happened.  I wasn't really too mad!  I was hurt but was telling myself you's to be expected...he just got separated I just got separated from long relationships and then to only jump right into another...i expected one of us to do it I think.  Don't get me wrong I cried and made myself sick.  One because I knew two because he woulnd't talk to me and just tell me.  A week later he finally called me crying and telling me what had happend.  we took some time apart....well sorta.  I remember Super Bowl night he came over and since then we have been together....over a year now.  Well now we are pregnant....due in June.  ANd during all of this time I still felt like he was stuck on his ex wife.  To this day he finds excuses to call her for whatever reason.  He even hangs up the phone from me if we are talking to get a call from her that may be coming in.  He will pick up a phone call from her and stop me dead on my convo with him.  He is always concerned with what she is doing.  When he found out she was getting married I came home to him drinking which was kinda weird.  he had stopped drinking as much because of me getting pregnant.  I knew something was weird and then he mentinoed that she was getting married and I told him....that explains why you are drinking.  He denies it but I still can't help but feel it upset him sooo much he thought he needed to drink.  I dont' know if this is jsut all my pregnant emotions just making me crazy, which i dont' think so because I've always had these feelings.  Just that he calls for no reason, in her business, concerned with what she is doing and how she is doing it and who she is doing it with AND on top of that he doesn't talk to her in the same room as me....he seems to always leave the room.  Am I being crazy?  How do I handle the situation from here?  Do I try to talk to him about this?  Do I ignore it because I am being CRAZY!!! or does it kinda make sense that he may still be stsuck on her?  HELP ME!!!

I'm sorry....I left out a lot in this because it would be a NOVEL!!  :)


1 Response Feb 18, 2009

your not crazy, its completetly justifyable and normal when your with someone to ask these kindof questions and wonder these things, what i think is going on is that even though he says hes throu with his ex, he might still feel something. not nessesaryly love, but he still wants the best for her. hes still there for her, hes like a best friend. but the fact that he still has feelings for her makes him want to talk to her and it also explains why he was drinking because hes probibly feeling envious of her fiance. u gotta tell him this aint kool u kno? its okay to feel the way u do but u gotta be assertive with him or else this could escalate to something else. ofcourse this is my personal opinion but i hope this helps you ease you mind atleast :)